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Man Calls Wedding Gift ‘Not A Gift’ When It’s Only Given To His Fiancée, Not Both

by Leona Pham
October 30, 2025
in Social Issues

When it comes to relationships, fairness is key. But what happens when your future in-laws offer you a house as a wedding gift, but only for your fiancée?

That’s what happened to this couple, where one partner had to make a tough call: protect his desire for equality or accept a “gift” with strings attached. This story dives into a conversation about ownership, fairness, and what it means to be truly equal in a marriage.

One determined groom confronted his future in-laws when their lavish house “wedding gift” excluded him from the title, insisting on equal ownership to honor his roots

Man Calls Wedding Gift ‘Not A Gift’ When It’s Only Given To His Fiancée, Not Both
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my in future in-laws that it's not a wedding gift unless it's given to both people and telling my fiancee I don't want to live in a...

My fiancee [27F] and I [29M] grew up very differently. I was an immigrant who moved here when I was 6, and we were definitely struggling a lot.

My parents worked extremely hard to provide for me and siblings, and they always prioritized our education over everything.

My dad always told me it was his dream to live in a house that he owned, since we'd always rented,

but he couldn't save up enough since we were renting in expensive areas with good schools.

Unfortunately, both of my parents passed away before being able to realize that dream.

My dad passed away when I was 17 and my mom passed away almost 3 years ago due to covid.

My fiancee grew up fairly wealthy. Like private schools, designer clothes, 3-4 international vacations per year flying first or business class the whole way.

I was able to attend college thanks to student loans, scholarships, and part-time jobs,

which delayed my graduation a bit, while her parents were able to fairly easily cover all expenses themselves.

However, I'm the last person to say that my fiancee hasn't earned everything she's gotten.

She's an extremely intelligent person, and besides funding her education, her parents are in no way responsible for her accomplishments.

My fiancee and I met 6 years ago when we started working at the same company, in the same position, at the same time, after graduating from college.

We hit it off almost instantly and it didn't take long for us to start dating.

Both of us still work at the company, however I've progressed through the career ladder a bit more quickly than she has

and now make just over twice what she does.

I'll be the first to admit that this is completely undeserved and I've benefitted from a lot of luck and definitely some sexism as well,

since we work in a male-dominated field.

Still, that has allowed me to aggressively attack my student loans, and once they were paid off,

I put that into saving up for a down payment on a house as a way to fulfill my parents dreams.

I proposed about 6 months, and things have been great so far.

However, this past weekend, we were at her family's house, when her parents told us that for a wedding present, they were going to give us a house.

My fiancee was overjoyed, and although I was also happy, I wanted to know the details as well.

Pretty quickly, her parents told us that the house would be in her name only,

and that they expected us to sign a prenup to protect any (and only) pre-marriage assets "just in case".

I was insulted that they thought I was after their money at all since I make more than she does anyway,

and I ended up telling them that they can't call it a wedding present if they only give it to one person.

I then told my fiancee I refused to live in a house that I don't own, and she knows exactly why. All three of them got very upset with me....

OP later provided an update

Edit/Update: So I was requested to add some information that I included in the comments into my post,

and I also just had a long conversation with my fiancee and my in-laws, so I have a small update to share as well.

Here's the info from the comments:

"The hilarious part of the whole prenup conversation was that they basically said that they expected the prenup to only cover premarital and inherited assets.

They said they would absolutely refuse to accept any clauses that include future assets.

So if I want to own a home where only my name is on the title, I have to purchase it before the marriage

and also make sure to never use any of my wife's money to pay the mortgage or anything.

Apparently they already had their lawyer write the whole thing up, but wanted to give me a heads-up so I can retain my own lawyer to review it.

I have a suspicion that any lawyer is going to think it's massively unfair just base on how they've described it,

and I'm assuming that they think I'll just get a cheap lawyer because of my upbringing.

Admittedly, I don't know any better, so this is kind of difficult for me to determine what's fair and isn't fair here, but it doesn't seem fair to me.

Besides that though, it's also just a personal thing. I want to live in a house that I own. Not them. Not my wife alone.

I'm happy to live in a home that both my wife and I own, but not one she owns on her own.

I don't someone else living in the home that I own. I want to live in it myself."

I also should mention that currently, my fiancée and I share our finances.

She makes about 120k use and I make about 250k USD.

We split things according to income, so I pay around two-thirds and she pays around one-third.

Based on our conversations, my fiancee and I both expected this arrangement to continue after marriage.

As for the update, well I'll start with my fiancee's older sister [29F if it's relevant] calling me out of the blue a few hours ago

to tell me that her parents did not ask her husband to sign a prenup before they got married.

Both of my fiancee's sisters and my fiancee's BIL were at the dinner where her parents talked about the house, so they both heard the whole conversation.

My fiancee's sister thought I deserved to know.

My fiancee's BIL comes from a well-off family as well, but I don't know how well-off

or whether they are on the same level as my fiancee's family or just upper middle class. Their wedding was pretty extravagant.

My fiancée's family is white and American, as is the BIL. I am Pakistani.

I don't believe her parents are r__ist, but it seemed like this information was important according to the comments.

Anyway, about 3 hours ago, my fiancee finally came home. She had stayed at her parent's house because we'd gotten into quite the argument.

I was expecting her to continue the argument, but she actually came and apologized straight away.

Apparently her younger sister [22F] chewed her out after I left her parents' house.

She really laid into my fiancee on how she was being inconsiderate because everyone knew how important owning my home was to me.

She also said that her parents weren't treating me right, or equally.

That made my fiancee see my side, as she said, but she was too embarrassed, which is why she didn't come home last night.

If you can't tell, I'm a huge fan of my fiancee's little sister right now.

She's always been a sort of no-nonsense firecracker type of girl, while my fiancee is a bit of a people pleaser and definitely a Daddy's girl,

and she's kind of always vying for her father's approval.

My fiancée has even said she knows she needs to work through that before we get married. I'm going to buy her sister a cupcake.

Then showed her the post and she got pretty uncomfortable reading a lot of the comments, especially the ones saying that she doesn't care about me.

She also got really uncomfortable when she read the comments about her parents being r__ist.

I pressed on that a bit and she went on to mention that they've never been overtly r__ist,

but they did make comments when we first started dating about being concerned about future,

specifically about our children looking different and being treated poorly by her family.

They asked her many times if she was sure about me. Like I said, I don't believe they're r__ist, but I do understand that they probably have some biases.

This was also the case when they said they didn't want to do any traditional Pakistani events for the wedding.

That was fine for me anyway, so I didn't really care, but now it makes me think a bit.

I explained to her how I was feeling like I was going into this as an unequal partner, and she absolutely agreed that it wasn't fair.

She even said she was going to tell her parents that she was going to refuse to sign the prenup.

I told her to slow down, because she was going between extremes.

I told her that we still needed to get the prenup because her family was already having difficulty accepting me and this was going to make it worse.

However, I told her that under no circumstances was I signing anything her parents had a part in drafting,

and that we would each retain our own lawyers outside of her parents' influence and get something that is fair and equitable. She agreed.

We then talked about the house, and she said she was going to tell her parents that she wasn't going to accept unless both of our names were on it.

I told her to slow down again, and I got her to agree to me paying for a quarter of it.

My initial proposal was to pay half, but she said that what I said about it being a wedding present so it should be for both of us was true.

So we came to the agreement that we would each get half ownership of the house, with her parents paying for 75% of it

and me using the money I have saved plus a small mortgage for the other 25%. Both of our names will be on the title.

We then called her parents together and told them our plan.

They grumbled about it a bit initially, especially because her dad was still upset that I had been so ungrateful,

but eventually, we were able to talk it through, and they agreed to the plan.

I doubt that this is the last I hear about this, but at least for now, it seems like the situation is mostly resolved.

In the case of the wedding gift, a house, the issue at hand is the ownership and control of the property, which is a direct reflection of the concerns around the prenup.

Just like the situation in the story, where the fiancé’s family wanted to give a house solely in their daughter’s name, ownership matters deeply in a relationship, especially when it involves significant financial value and emotional connection. This issue is amplified when there is a prenup involved, which can affect how gifts like the house are treated in the event of a divorce or separation.

In OP’s case, the concern wasn’t just about the house itself, but the principles of equality and shared responsibility in the relationship. As they pointed out, “I don’t want to live in a house I don’t own.” This sentiment ties directly to the issue of controlling assets through prenuptial agreements.

When a gift is given, especially something as significant as a house, it should ideally be addressed with open communication between both partners, ensuring fairness and mutual respect.

As the experts in Harper Macleod suggest, prenuptial agreements should clarify the ownership of any gifts and assets, and both parties should be in agreement on how they are treated, even in the event of a separation.

For OP, this meant ensuring that both their name and their fiancée’s name would be on the title, reflecting their shared investment in the house. The compromise of each partner contributing to the house’s payment and shared ownership is a solution that aligns with the principles of fairness and partnership.

Communication was the key to resolving the tension between OP and his fiancée. Just as in the article, where maintaining an open dialogue ensures mutual understanding and agreement, OP and his fiancée worked through their differences and found a fair solution for both of them, with the house now being jointly owned.

This situation highlights the importance of addressing complex financial matters like prenuptial agreements and gifts before marriage, and the significance of ensuring both partners feel equally valued and respected in the relationship.

Check out how the community responded:

These users argued that while the in-laws may have had good intentions, the “gift” was unfairly skewed towards the fiancée

JeepersCreepers74 − NTA. Honestly, I don't think they're terrible for wanting to give a nice gift but also ensure their investment goes to her in the event of a divorce.

In addition, I'm sure prenups are much more common and less offensive in their world.

That said, you've been dating for six years. They know you; they presumably know your background, homeownership goals, etc.

Also, a potential solution/suggestion. Between the two of you, own TWO homes + get some sweet AirBnB income on one of them.

You will have a much easier time saving up for the second while living in the first. ETA: just make sure your home is covered in the prenup, too.

[Reddit User] − NTA - I wouldn't live in a house that was just owned by my wife and vice versa and I 100% have a real world example.

My wife is a stay-at-home mom and when we bought our house she had no income and the bank wanted to leave her off the mortgage.

I 100% refused and even paid a smaller interest rate increase to make sure she knew it was "both" of ours home and not just mine.

She was pretty quiet about it (my wife is a quiet person) but later broke down crying about how much it

made her feel like an equal in our marriage, and that I did so without her saying a word.

Stick to your guns, either it's a gift for both of you under both your names, or just buy your own house and fulfill that lifelong dream.

MbMinx − NTA. That is not a wedding gift. That is a *bridal* gift, for the bride only. They aren't giving the house to you as a couple.

They are giving her a house and making sure that you get NO equity in it whatsoever. That IS insulting, and pretty damned obvious, too.

The prenup on its own isn't that bad, and I suppose it's common enough among people who have wealth...

but as I understand it, this house would be a "pre-marriage" asset.

Of course they are upset with you. You saw through scheme and called them on it. The fact that your fiancee is taking her parents' side in this disturbs me.

This group offered a more balanced perspective

Away_Refuse8493 − This isn't really a judgment, but here's another perspective - Ok, I actually don't think you are after their money.

Nothing you wrote indicates that's what they think. I would assume they are giving their daughter a valuable asset.

It is clearly NOT a "wedding gift", but a gift for their daughter.

What would you do if your fiancee's parents went out and bought her a house today? It's then premarital property in her name.

In your marriage, you get to live rent-free, mortgage-free, and spend money taking international vacations and wear designer clothes, if you like.

That's the "gift." If you divorce, you get equity and she keeps the house.

If she dies, you get the house. Would you refuse to live in this house and call off the wedding?

I get why its offensive, but you are not their child and they are still "giving you" something big, as long as you don't divorce their daughter.

(Also, pre-nups can be rearranged to ensure equity and an increased cut if she is "at fault" somehow, e. g. she cheats in 10 years).

I actually don't think they are being awful. And by the way, they aren't "fairly wealthy."

They seem VERY wealthy, based on your post! (Unless their parents also bought their houses and educations and all that stuff).

wonderingafew888 − NAH. While I think it's nuts, I don't think it's an AH move to offer your child a house,

and I don't think it's an AH move to want to protect the house you're buying.

But I also think it's totally reasonable for you to say "no thanks" to the gift, and find/buy a place with your spouse.

They obviously understand the value of property - they should understand your desire to have some of your own.

Specific-Sink-8563 − NTA. Get a good lawyer to look over the prenup.

As you describe it, it seems problematic and like it will start your marriage off on a bad foot.

1. Are you expected to pay taxes or maintenance costs on this property that you don’t own?

Seems like a disincentive for you to contribute to maintenance costs.

Will you and your wife keep separate finances to ensure that you are not financially responsible for the upkeep of the house?

Or will her parents provide a trust to cover these costs? Will you pay rent?

2. What happens if, as a couple, you make changes to this house that increase its value?

How would an increase in value from material changes to the house be dealt with in the case you divorce?

3. What if you and your wife chose to move and your wife chooses to sell the house?

If she uses the proceeds to buy a new house (maybe combined with your money for a nicer house), would you co-own it?

4. Will your pre-marital assets also be included in the prenup?

That nest egg you’ve been saving should be protected to make sure your arse is covered in case of divorce.

I would be looking for protection of retirement accounts/company shares/etc… as well.

Having a prenup is a good idea if you and your partner are coming in with family assets, but the goal should be to protect everyone involved in good faith.

The way your in-laws went about introducing the topic and their suggestion that this house would be a wedding gift for both partners is a jerk power move.

Sure, they want to protect their daughter, but they can find a way to do that without being insulting.

These commenters were strongly against the gift, highlighting that it created an unbalanced and risky situation for the OP

Horrorjunkie1234 − NTA. It’s insulting that they wrapped it as a wedding gift and it speaks to their prejudice against you in my opinion.

They could gift whatever they like to their daughter separately, and perhaps she can choose to rent it out for extra income that she can keep in her account.

But it’s definitely not a wedding present for both of you, and I wouldn’t live there either when you clearly will have no rights to your home.

miyuki_m − NTA. Decline the gift and let them know that you want to save and buy a home of your own.

They shouldn't have a problem with you wanting to earn a home that you will own.

gracie_jc − NTA She’s going to have her cake and eat it too! She gets the gift house, plus any house you buy during the marriage.

Hell no! Do not live or have children in a house you do not own. You’ll never be able to give any opinions about it.

They will hang it over your head every time you have an argument.

Basically they will force you to do their will as you have kids and the kids have a paid house to live at.

If your wife refused to move out,m, what are you going to do? Divorce her and have weekend visitation with the kids?

Way too risky!!! Also big red flag the fact that they already crafted LEGAL Papers behind your back!

She will always do her parents bidding. Imagine a divorce… with kids… you’ll never see those kids again.

SnooDoughnuts4691 − This "gift" is only meant for their daughter. You will not be able to build equity together as a married couple should.

Your future is being dictated by the in-laws move. NTA

How do you think OP handled this? Was there anything more they could have done, or did they strike the right balance between standing their ground and finding a middle ground? Share your thoughts!

 

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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