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After Working 70 Hours A Week, Dad’s Comment About Baby Safety Breaks His Wife’s Heart

by Katy Nguyen
November 4, 2025
in Social Issues

Parenting often turns into a battlefield of exhaustion, love, and fear, especially when both partners think they’re doing what’s best for their child. For one new dad, a single morning routine turned into a full-blown marital conflict when safety and emotion collided.

His wife, desperate to calm their crying baby before heading to work, began placing the infant beside him while he slept. To her, it was comfort; to him, a serious risk.

When he confronted her with a harsh rhetorical question, she packed up their baby and left.

After Working 70 Hours A Week, Dad’s Comment About Baby Safety Breaks His Wife’s Heart
Not the actual photo

'AITA for asking my wife rhetorically if she wants our son to get hurt?'

I [M28] live with my wife Macey [F28]. We have an infant son named Leo. Leo is our first and only child, and is 5 months old.

Macey works part-time, and I work full-time. Macey works on Tuesdays, but I don't.

Macey normally leaves the house at around 8:00 AM to get to work on time, but I like to take the opportunity to sleep in when I can get it.

Whenever Macey gets ready for work, Leo will usually start crying in his crib even after he's had his first feed of the day.

This doesn't wake me up unless he's been crying for a little while because I'm a heavy sleeper.

For the past two Tuesdays, Macey has decided to take Leo out of his crib and put him in our bed with me right before she leaves for work, even...

She doesn't do anything to wake me up because she's leaving for work, and Leo stops crying when she puts him in our bed.

Luckily, nothing bad has happened yet, but I know the risks of putting a baby in a normal bed with an adult sleeping in it.

Leo crawls, and I'm worried that he could fall out of the bed and hurt himself.

I talked to Macey about this and told her to just leave Leo in his crib when she's getting ready for work.

Macey got annoyed and said that she can't "just leave him to cry", and said I'm a bad father for not noticing and waking up when Leo is in the...

I got angry and told Macey that she's being unreasonable and asked her what she thought would happen if Leo fell out of the bed. I asked her if she...

Macey got really mad and has gone to stay with her sister for a couple of days and taking Leo with her, and hasn't been answering my texts or calls.

She still hasn't come home. I've never seen Macey this angry with me before, so I'm wondering if I was the AH for how I approached this.

ETA: I get off work at 4-5 am on weekdays, so I'm getting around 3 hours of sleep when Macey goes to work.

Macey only works one day a week; we don't need her income, and I make more money, but she likes her job, and I respect her choice to work.

I work 70 hours a week and do my fair share of housework and cooking when I'm home, so I sleep like the deceased when I'm in bed.

The story shows a heavy-hearted father and a worried mother, both trying to care for their infant son under strain. He works long, overnight hours, and she leaves early one morning each week.

Recently, she began placing their five-month-old in their bed while he slept, he became concerned about the risks and asked, rhetorically, if she wanted their son to get hurt. That question sparked anger, and she left with the baby for a few days, refusing contact.

The father raised legitimate safety concerns about the baby sleeping in an adult bed while he was deeply asleep; the mother felt judged and criticised, argued she couldn’t “just leave him to cry,” and viewed his remark as unfair and accusatory.

The father’s motivation stems from exhaustion and fear of infant injury, he works about 70 hours a week and describes himself as a heavy sleeper.

The mother’s motivation comes from wanting to soothe the baby and ensure he is calm before her work shift. Both sides hold caring intentions, but their communication style and timing created a conflict.

On a broader level, this ties into the social issue of infant-sleep practices and how parenting disagreements affect family dynamics.

Major health organisations recommend room-sharing but not bed-sharing for infants, citing increased risks of suffocation, entrapment or sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) when infants sleep with adults on a conventional bed.

Meanwhile, relationship research emphasises that the way a conversation isopened, especially in emotionally charged contexts, often predicts how it will end.

To quote relationship scholar Dr. John Gottman: “How a conversation starts predicts how it will end.”

This remark is highly relevant here. The father’s rhetorical question, while understandable, came at a fraught moment and framed the issue in a confrontational way, thus triggering defensiveness rather than collaboration.

If I were advising him, I would suggest he choose a calm time, not the early-morning rush, to say something like: “I’m really exhausted when you leave and I worry that Leo could get hurt if he’s in the bed while I’m asleep. Could we work out something that keeps him safe and makes mornings easier for you?”

Then he’d listen genuinely ask how she sees the situation, what stops her from using the crib, and whether she feels unheard. Together they could propose a temporary compromise, a bedside sleeper or bassinet next to their bed, or setting an alarm so he can join once he wakes.

The emphasis is on mutual respect, shared concern and joint problem-solving rather than blame.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

These users called it an ESH situation, saying the wife was wrong for placing the baby in a risky position, but OP was equally guilty of neglecting his duty.

serotoninwarrior − I’m going to go ahead and say ESH.

1. Your wife placing the baby in your bed while you’re asleep could definitely make it so the baby gets hurt.

2. You’re a god damn parent. Sleeping in should not come before your child. Especially if the other parent is going to work and can’t mind him.

EDIT: I have seen a lot of responses that stated there was an edit, and I wrote this before the edit was even added.

Based on the new information, I still stand by my ESH. I do agree that his wife should be waking him up when placing the baby in the bed (I...

When does the wife get to sleep in? Unless I am missing information, it seems that she does most of the child minding, etc.

So I’m my opinion, he should get up at 8 am still to take care of his kid, when she does 6 out of 7 days in a week.

At this point, I think either they should reconsider Macey staying at home versus working one day a week, since he mentioned her income isn’t needed.

EDIT 2: I wrote sleeping in in my comment, as OP had originally used this same wording.

If he’s such a deep sleeper, like he mentioned, after only having three hours of sleep, I am concerned that he would not wake up for the baby at all.

We can argue about the situation all we want, but to be honest, OP and Macey need to have a sit-down to re-evaluate the entire situation.

UrHumbleNarr8or − ESH, you two are talking past one another and missing the real issue. She can't get ready to go to work with a crying baby.

You unfortunately do not have the luxury of sleeping in on Tuesdays while he is still so young.

You need to get up on Tuesdays and parent while she is getting ready for and going off to work.

Velocityg4 − ESH. Your wife for just leaving the baby in the bed. Without making sure you are awake to supervise.

You for sleeping in. You’re parents now. She has to get ready for work on Tuesdays. Tough luck for you.

You have to get up and not sleep in. Go to bed earlier if you want your beauty sleep.

Edit: Given people keep mentioning it. In the original, the OP didn't mention when they get off work.

Well, that sucks. You still know the schedule and need to wake up at a specific time.

Take power naps when the baby naps is all I can suggest. Maybe get one of those bassinets you can place in your bed next to you.

Then the baby is still walled in but gets to sleep next to you and can see you. You could also sleep on the floor and put the bassinet next...

Sleeping on the floor can actually be really comfy. Perhaps get a Tatami and even a Shikibuton for yourself.

This group didn’t hold back, roasting OP for using “I’m a heavy sleeper” as a convenient excuse.

Perfect-Advantage-82 − Info: How many days does Macey get to sleep in? Actually, never mind, the answer is clear from "I'm a heavy sleeper".

And you haven't tried anything like getting the baby monitor and setting it near your head because you are happy to let her get woken up, and you like to...

Her putting the baby in the bed is also a passive aggressive AHole move because you aren't wrong it is dangerous, but yes you are the AHole because GET UP...

ETA: OP updated after my comment, but ultimately, at best, this changes it to ESH.

Yeah, you are tired at only 3 hours of sleep, but you get up, handle the baby, and go back to sleep once the baby is back asleep.

As another poster pointed out, the baby will sleep 12-14 hours to his 8. Does it suck? Yes, welcome to life with a newborn.

I can't say I have had to do it because I never had kids, but my BIL has in a very similar situation to OP's.

He still does his share of waking up and taking care of the baby.

ltltna00097 − YTA, you can’t get up one day a week to care for your own child so your wife can go to work on time.

One day a week!! Wow. You need to go to your SIL and beg her forgiveness. Then set your damn alarm and take care of YOUR child one day a...

keesouth − YTA, because if your kid is awake and you're the caregiver at that point, then you need to wake up with him.

She shouldn't even be put in that position.

FlowerOk3892 − YTA, you know she’s got work, put an alarm earlier, and take care of your child.

She shouldn’t take care of him and be responsible for waking you up when you know it’s “your day”.

You’re the one who needs to correct their behavior, not blame her by trying to make her sound neglectful.

Accomplished_Cup900 − YTA. She’s saying wake the f__k up and take care of the kid so she can get ready for work.

You should’ve started setting an alarm after the second time. I wonder how many times she tried to wake you up before jumping to that.

leinadkram22 − YTA for not getting up when you need to be with your child.

ArmChairDetective38 − YTA, sounds to me like you use “I’m a heavy sleeper” as an excuse not to get your ass out of bed. My ex-husband was like that.

In contrast, a few Redditors took OP’s side.

RebelRedhead69 − Wow. Y'all are so up in arms when the man said he's only had 3 HOURS of sleep when she leaves.

She KNOWS he's tired, she KNOWS he's a heavy sleeper, and she STILL puts the baby in the bed!!

I'm a mom, I have sleep disorders and can sleep through a hurricane, and I worked my ass off. Once I'm awake, I'm awake.

I paid my mom to babysit because I took classes at night and then went straight to work graveyard shift.

She KNEW my sleeping habits, so she made sure I was awake before she left the kiddo.

5 extra minutes to make sure I'm awake before she leaves. That's all it took. When kiddo napped, I napped too.

That's how I managed not to die of sleep deprivation and overworking.

He simply pointed out what can happen, and believe me, it's a scary thought for those of us who sleep this heavily.

5 minutes before ya walk out the door. So simple yet HE'S the AH? For being tired from working to provide for his family?

Come on, y'all, do better. NTA in my opinion.

CobaltCrimson_ − After the edit, I kinda feel like NTA, hear me out.

Watching a child after 3 hours of sleep is not safe. OP works the job that pays the bills. She works to get out of the house.

I’m all for moms getting a break. But does it have to be at a time when the working parent needs more sleep?

This is not just a “sleeping in on a weekend” situation.

Some tried to mediate, saying both parties had legitimate grievances but needed better communication instead of guilt trips.

[Reddit User] − ESH. Her for endangering her child, and you are equally for thinking the solution is to just ignore the baby until he screams so long that you...

Your suggestion should be: Wake me up when you wake up, so I can take care of Leo when you have to work.

[Reddit User] − Info: Why haven't you been setting an alarm so you are awake when your wife leaves?

We all have to face the consequences of our actions. One of the consequences of having a baby is that you don't get to sleep in.

[Reddit User] − I like to take the opportunity to sleep in when I can get it. Yeah, NO.

When you are the sole available parent to a child who CAN NOT communicate with you in any way other than crying, you get your ass out of bed before...

Your sleep is not more important here.

Should your wife leave the baby on the bed like that? No. But she's not wrong that you're not being mindful about your child and his needs.

Your attempt at a guilt trip for it is just...gross. It was manipulative and cruel. ESH, but more you.

This story touches on the razor-thin line between concern and accusation that many new parents stumble across. The OP’s comment came from fear, not cruelty, but words spoken in exhaustion can still cut deep.

Maybe this wasn’t about blame at all, but about two parents running on empty. Do you think he crossed a line with his tone, or was his frustration understandable? Sound off below!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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