She Tried To Explain Why She Gave Him Up, But Her Son Said She Made It All About Herself

Parent-child reunions don’t always unfold the way we imagine. For this woman, meeting the son she gave up for adoption 18 years ago was a moment filled with guilt, anxiety, and the hope for closure.

Her son, however, made it clear he wasn’t looking for a relationship, just answers. The conversation quickly turned tense, and when emotions ran high, she found herself saying something she instantly regretted.

What began as a fragile reconnection turned into a painful confrontation about the past.

The OP’s situation presents a deeply emotional and complicated encounter between a mother who relinquished custody of her child and the adult son who has now surfaced, yet with significant emotional guardedness.

From the mother’s viewpoint, she acknowledged early that she “never wanted to be a mother,” felt forced into the role, and later surrendered custody because she believed she “could never care for [him] like he deserved.”

Meeting him now, hearing his sharp reaction, the OP responded by revealing her truth in frustration. The statement she made shifted the focus from her son’s pain to her own regret.

From the son’s perspective, his defensiveness is understandable. He has grown up, presumably under the care of someone else, and now confronts his biological mother who says she didn’t want him.

His response suggests a deep hurt and sense of rejection. The mother’s revealing comment, while honest, likely compounded his feeling of abandonment rather than offering reconciliation or reassurance.

At a broader level, the case touches on the concept of adult parent–child estrangement and the struggles of parent-child relationships when early bonds are absent or broken.

According to research, “family estrangements occur when at least one family member begins distancing themselves from another because of longstanding negativity in their relationship.”

One expert notes: “Adults will often give rebuilding their relationship with their parents a shot … Because it really is that important a relationship.”

In this context the OP’s disclosure may have been truthful, yet lacked the calibration and sensitivity that foster reconciliation rather than deeper rupture.

For the OP’s next steps, she might consider reaching out to her son with an offer of listening, rather than explaining her own feelings.

A gentle gesture, acknowledging his pain, expressing her willingness to build trust (without pressing for a full parent-child bond overnight), could open a path forward.

Therapy or a mediated conversation might help both of them express their grievances and hopes in a safe environment. Framing future conversations around what he needs, rather than what she experienced, could shift the dynamic toward healing.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

These commenters firmly believed OP was NTA, stressing that honesty and boundaries were the right path.

This group leaned toward NAH, recognizing that both OP and her son were dealing with emotional wounds.

Both these  offered compassionate insight from lived experience.

These users provided balanced, reflective takes.

These commenters highlighted that the adoptee’s emotions were valid but not OP’s burden to carry.

This situation exposes how grief, guilt, and regret can blur communication between estranged family members. The OP’s honesty came from a place of exhaustion and remorse, but in that fragile moment, her son needed empathy more than explanation.

Was she wrong for voicing her pain, or was it an inevitable release after years of silence? How do you rebuild a bridge when both sides are standing in emotional fire? Share your take below, does understanding cancel out hurt?