Picture this: you’re the team lead of an IT help-desk, and a furious user storms in via phone one morning. He barely waits for your greeting before hissing, “Look, I’m sure you’re good at whatever you do here, but can I speak to one of the men? I need this done right now.”
That sting hits immediate, even for someone used to gruff callers in a field where everything demands “right now.” You glance around. No other tech folks on the phone. One name leaps out: the employee who’s been dragging the team down with tardiness, mumbling, even falling asleep on calls.
So, you hand the call off. The user promptly rips into him. Thirty minutes later, after snoring, shouting, no resolution, the caller demands to speak to you. And all you did was say you’d help. Two minutes later: fixed. One meek thank you.
This story is more than a tale of “user wanted a man” and the twist of handing the worst performer to him. It’s about gender bias in tech roles, assumptions about competence, and how sometimes the right answer comes from the person you least expect.
Now, read the full story:
I love this. I’m cheering for you. You navigated an insult, a power play, and you flipped it with grace. You allowed the user to make his ridiculous demand (“I want a man”) and you honoured it, only to show him that the “man” he demanded was wholly inadequate.
Then you stepped in and delivered competence. You earned his respect (or at least his repeated business) by the end.
You were calm. You let the bias play out. You didn’t stoop to anger, you just demonstrated capability. It’s a quiet win but a win nonetheless.
That feeling of standing your ground in the face of everyday sexism is exactly what this is about. Let’s dig deeper.
Your story is a micro-cosm of a much bigger issue: gender bias in tech support (and beyond). When the caller said “talk to one of the men,” he triggered a stereotype: men = know-how, women = incompetent in tech. You confronted that stereotype, not by protesting loudly, but by letting you show up on merit.
A recent review from Women in Tech Network found that 72% of women in tech reported experiencing a “bro culture” and gender discrimination.
Another survey noted 57% of women working in tech had experienced gender discrimination, compared with just 10% of men.
On top of that, only 8-9% of senior tech roles globally were occupied by women in one analysis.
What this tells us? The bias isn’t minor annoyance, it’s deeply structural.
As one expert put it:
“The thing to understand about unconscious bias is that merely being aware of its existence is not enough to overcome its effects.”
This quote highlights that your caller’s demand was not just rude, it stemmed from a systemic assumption, reinforced repeatedly in workplaces.
Why you weren’t wrong? You engaged the situation with three smart moves:
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You let the caller direct himself (to the “man”) rather than argue. That kept you in control.
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You didn’t take it personally. You served competence.
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You provided the solution, proved the demand was baseless.
If you ever face the “I’d like to speak to a man” scenario (or any stereotype-demand):
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Let them make their demand. Sometimes humour or redirection works better than confrontation.
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Be ready with clarity: have the answer. Confidence trumps the bias.
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After resolution, set the tone. The next time they’ll remember you, not the hesitation or assumption.
Check out how the community responded:
Support for the OP calling out bias and doing it well
Shared experiences of gender bias in tech/retail
Frustration at how often this happens and men’s cluelessness
Delight in poetic justice or handling the situation smartly
You weren’t the a**hole. You honoured your role, you let the bias reveal itself, and you delivered results. That matters.
The caller asked for a man. You gave him the man, and the man messed it up. Then you stepped in. The lesson: it’s less about demanding respect, more about earning it by doing the job, and in doing so you changed him.
Now ask yourself: have you ever been the person assumed incompetent because of your gender? How would you handle your next “I want a man” moment differently—pre-plan, redirect, or flip it like you did here?
And to the men reading this: what might happen if you just accepted the first person who says she’ll help? What opportunities are lost when you demand a man instead of listening to competence?
