Two Pregnancies, One Old Ex, And A Mother Stuck In The Middle

Family drama hits different when babies enter the chat.

In this story, a mom has two daughters who used to be close. One dated a guy in college, broke up, moved on. Years later, the younger sister reconnected with that same guy and married him.

The older sister felt deeply betrayed and cut her sibling off. The parents tried to walk a tightrope for five years, seeing each daughter separately and never forcing contact.

Now both sisters are pregnant at the same time. Instead of bringing everyone closer, the pregnancies triggered a massive ultimatum. The older daughter says her parents must cut off the younger one and her baby, or she will block them from her own child’s life.

The mom does not want to disown any child. She also does not want to lose a grandchild. She feels trapped in a no-win choice and asks if she is wrong for refusing to comply.

Now, read the full story:

This one hurts on every level.

I feel for Ruth, because having your sister end up with your ex can feel like a huge betrayal, even when there was no cheating and the breakup was clean. That kind of wound hits pride, history and identity all at once.

I also feel for OP, who is stuck in the classic parental nightmare. No matter what she does, one daughter feels like the losing team. She already spent five years splitting holidays, visits and emotional energy like a custody schedule. Now, with grandchildren involved, the stakes feel brutal.

What stands out to me is this: Ruth is not just angry about the past. She is terrified that her child will grow up seeing the aunt who, in her mind, “stole” her life. June seems to accept the loss of her sister as the cost of her marriage. The parents are the only people still trying to hold a tiny bridge in the middle.

This situation is less “who is right” and more “how do you live with grief when your family story breaks in half”.

First, the big picture.

You have a classic sibling betrayal story, layered with romance, now layered again with babies. Sibling relationships often last longer than marriages. That is why betrayal inside them cuts so deep. Research on sibling relationships notes that betrayal by a sibling can harm someone mentally and emotionally for years.

Ruth’s pain makes sense through that lens. She did not just lose a boyfriend. She lost a vision of her place in the family. Her sister now lives a life that Ruth once imagined for herself. It feels like June took something that should have stayed “off limits”.

At the same time, family estrangement is not rare anymore. Psychology Today reports that as many as one in four people are estranged from at least one family member. That does not make this situation normal or easy, but it shows that cutoffs like Ruth’s ultimatum show up in many families when hurt piles up.

Therapists who work with estranged families often say that estrangement usually comes from a mix of betrayal, feeling unsupported and old patterns that never changed, not from one single event. Ruth might not only feel angry at June.

She might feel that her parents “minimised” the betrayal by keeping June and Adam fully involved, even though OP believes she supported Ruth strongly. Two realities can coexist.

From a parenting perspective, experts like Joshua Coleman, who writes about estranged adult children, often advise parents not to respond to ultimatums with counter-ultimatums. They suggest holding a clear line, validating the feelings, but keeping the door open and refusing to attack the child’s partner or sibling. That sounds very close to what OP is instinctively doing.

So what are the actual dynamics here?

Ruth feels:
Her sister chose her ex out of all the men in the world.
Her ex agreed and married into the family.
Her parents kept that couple in the fold.
Now there will be a cousin who exists because of that choice.

So Ruth’s ultimatum is almost like a last attempt to rewrite the story. If she cannot change the marriage, she can at least try to control who gets OP’s love.

The parents feel:
They already did what Ruth asked, which was to never force joint events.
They comforted her, housed her, set boundaries with June.
They cannot emotionally cut off another child who did not cheat or abuse anyone.

One therapist frame helps here. Some experts talk about “both-and” thinking in complex families. You can acknowledge that June and Adam created this conflict, that their choice hurt Ruth deeply, and that Ruth’s decision to go no contact with them is valid for her. At the same time, you can also hold that parents have their own boundaries. They have the right to maintain relationships with all their children, as long as they respect the no-contact rules between siblings.

Practical steps that fit both psychology and reality:

OP can validate the wound without accepting the ultimatum. For example:

“I know June’s choice shattered your trust. I agree that what she did hurt you. I will never invite her when you are here. I will never pressure you to forgive her. I also cannot pretend I do not have another daughter and grandchild.”

She can make the structure very clear. Different days. Different holidays. No surprise overlap. No “accidental” joint birthdays. Spell it out so Ruth’s fear of forced closeness calms a bit.

OP can also keep inviting Ruth to therapy, but not as a condition. More like, “I will go with you if you ever want support. I will also go alone to learn how to love you both better.” That last piece matters, because parental guilt runs wild in estrangement. Learning some skills can keep OP from repeating patterns that feel like minimising.

Emotionally, I think OP needs to prepare for grief anyway. Even if she refuses the ultimatum lovingly, Ruth might still cut contact. With estrangement, experts often say that parents should keep reasonable contact open, like birthday cards, small updates, and never retaliatory messages. That way, if the door opens years later, there is still a path.

None of this feels fair. The two people who actually created the situation, June and Adam, built a life together and are about to have a baby with full parental support.

Ruth lost her sister, her old story and now possibly her parents. The parents risk losing their relationship with the child they did not betray. That is why this hurts so much. There is no solution that does not leave a scar.

Check out how the community responded:

Team “Parents are NTA, Ruth is using the baby as leverage.”

Team “Everyone is hurt, Ruth is not a villain, June’s choice is the root.”

Team “Parents already chose June, Ruth’s ultimatum protects her kid.”

This family does not have a clean option.

If the parents cut off June, they lose a daughter who did a hurtful but non-abusive thing, and a grandchild who did nothing wrong.

If they refuse Ruth’s ultimatum, they may lose the daughter who feels like the wounded party and her child, and they will live with the fear that they “chose wrong” forever.

In reality, the original tear started when June and Adam crossed a line most people consider sacred. Everything since then has been damage control.

I think the healthiest path sits in the middle. The parents hold the line that they love both children, respect Ruth’s no contact, and will never push for joint events. They also refuse to weaponise grandchildren or cut off a child on command. Then they grieve whatever contact Ruth decides to remove and keep that door gently open, year after year.

What would you do in OP’s place? Protect your bond with the hurt child at any cost, or refuse to disown anyone and accept the fallout? And if you were Ruth, could you ever coexist in the same family tree as a sister married to your ex?