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Woman Asks Why She’s Single, Can’t Believe The Answer She Gets

by Annie Nguyen
December 21, 2025
in Social Issues

Friendship often feels like the safest place to vent, especially when dating frustrations start piling up. When someone you care about keeps hitting the same wall with no clear explanation, it can be tempting to look for a concrete reason, even if that reason is uncomfortable to say out loud.

But honesty, even when well intentioned, does not always land the way we expect.

In this case, a woman thought she was offering practical insight to a close friend who had been struggling to get past first dates. Instead, her comment sparked hurt feelings, accusations of betrayal, and a sudden silence that left her questioning herself.

Was it constructive advice or an unnecessary overstep? Keep reading to see what she said, how her friend reacted, and why the internet is sharply divided on whether she crossed a line.

A man suggests a sensitive change after his friend vents about dating failures

Woman Asks Why She’s Single, Can’t Believe The Answer She Gets
not the actual photo

'AITA for suggesting to my friend that she should shave?'

My (29f) friend, let’s call her Emily (32f) is an amazing person,

she’s fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook,

outgoing and just a great girl to be around.

A few years ago she decided not to shave anymore

(legs, armpits, female areas) out of protest to the patriarchy,

resulting in her having very long dark hair everywhere.

A few days ago, we were having a beer

and she told me how sad her dating life was,

that she kept meeting guys and having very fun dates

but never got a call back or when she tried asking for a second or third date,

got rejected in a very generic manner.

Now after telling her “you’re so gorgeous and wonderful,

the right man will come don’t worry” multiple times,

I decided to go out on a limb and said something along the lines of

“I know this is a very superficial thing to say,

but do you think it might help a little if you would shave?“

She was very taken aback and told me she was disappointed

I would suggest she change her appearance for men

and that I was the reason so many women were suppressed.

I immediately apologized but the evening was pretty much ruined.

I texted her the next day apologizing again for hurting her

but she hasn’t replied.

I really did not want to hurt her

but I also don’t quite see how my comment was that bad

so I am not sure how to phrase my apology.

So decided to take it here and ask people here how big of an AH I am.

UPDATE: I am absolutely o__rwhelmed by the amount of reactions this got.

Thank you all so much for your well-worded answers and for your inputs.

Emily messaged me yesterday evening asking

if we could talk about the whole thing and we had a phone call.

She started by apologizing for her reaction

and by the things she said to me.

I told her that I wanted her to know that I

and many others love her for who she is

and the last thing I wanted was to suggest that she change herself for a guy.

Another important piece of advice I got here was to

make sure she actually was asking for my opinion and not just venting,

so I told her that I was very worried I had given her unsolicited advice.

Thankfully she didn’t see it that way.

She told me I had always been a loyal friend who had her back

and she always had valued my advice,

which was why she was so taken aback by my comment.

I told her that what I should have said is that I feel like in the past,

she has been attracted to men who don’t necessarily share her values,

and that she might need to be more clear with her dating choices

and first make sure they align with her values to avoid being disappointed.

She also agrees with this and we really had a great conversation after that..

Thanks again to you all for the insightful comments and for your help!

This story isn’t just about grooming habits, it’s about communication norms and how advice is received versus how it’s intended.

Psychology experts make a clear distinction between venting and seeking solutions. According to relationship psychology discussions, offering advice before someone is ready for it can inadvertently make them feel unheard or judged.

One article on the topic explains that friends who are upset may want to express feelings without jumping straight to solutions, and setting boundaries around advice can help keep the emotional support where it belongs first.

This dynamic likely played out here: the friend was sharing her disappointment, but not necessarily asking for a fix. When she received what felt like corrective feedback about her choices, it triggered defensiveness rooted in personal values.

Preferences around body hair in dating are real and varied, and research shows that grooming norms are far from uniform.

A 2024 survey of American adults found that while many respondents judge grooming habits as part of attractiveness, there is significant diversity in what people prefer: around 40 percent of Americans like a natural look, and similar numbers have different preferences for trimmed or clean-shaven styles.

Another lifestyle analysis reports that about half of adults prefer neat, trimmed body hair while a large portion enjoy a more natural approach.

Importantly, grooming preferences are shaped by culture, experience, and personal comfort, and none automatically equate with one “right” choice.

As relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh notes in context of body and facial hair preferences, these habits are influenced by a combination of biological and social factors and should ideally be discussed openly with partners if they matter.

Neutral advice in cases like this starts with asking first: “Do you want input, or just empathy right now?” That gives space for emotional validation and respects autonomy. When people feel supported, they’re more receptive to honest observations later.

In this case, the updated conversation between the friends, where they clarified intentions and expectations, reflects that balance. Acknowledging values and communication preferences can deepen trust even after missteps.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

These Reddit users agreed OP was NTA, arguing that dating involves preferences and honesty

newfriend836639 − She has the right not to shave,

and the men she dates have the right to think it's gross.

People are attracted to what they are attracted to.

That's just reality.

If she wants a man who doesn't mind that she doesn't shave,

that will be a much smaller percentage of the male dating pool

and it will be more difficult for her to find a partner.

If she was asking for your advice and you were trying to help her, then NTA.

Especially because you are likely right

and the hair is the reason the men are not staying.

I think it's silly that she is mad at you for just stating the obvious truth.

Editing to add: After thinking about this more,

I am thinking that yes, the guys don't like the hair,

but the fact that she has it is probably really a symptom of her personality

and outlook on life and general opinions,

and those things are probably the even bigger turn off for these guys.

And I will also now add (since some people are assuming things)

that I am not saying that the men are RIGHT to have this view of a her,

or that I agree with that view.

I am merely pointing out that based on my lifelong observations of guys,

a general/average aversion to that type of viewpoint

("I don't shave to fight the patriarchy)

may be why some guys aren't staying.

You may not like that, but that is the reality we live in.

There are guys out there who won't feel that way,

and that is who she would likely prefer.

Tyberious_ − NTA You just suggested the reason

she may be having problems with dating.

You are also probably correct.

Of course she is free to do whatever she wants with her body

and they may not meet others preferences,

which means they may not want to date her.

This may mean they miss out on a great person for superficial reasons

but that is a choice they are free to make.

Brandie2666 − NTA she was lamenting about why she doesn't get a second date.

You gave her the honest reason.

You didn't go about it rudely or mean.

You basically worded it in a question form.

As in do you think that this is the reason?

It's on her if she wants to change

but it seems obvious that she doesn't.

She needs to accept that most men don't want to date a hairy female.

Not saying all men are like that but a big majority are.

And instead of wasting her time and theirs.

She should make it known thst she refuses to shave

because she is fighting against the patriarchy.

Thst way she cuts out getting the generic not going to happen spiel.

Cent1234 − NTA. “I’m not suggesting you “change your appearance for men.

” I’m pointing out that you’re not entitled to their attention or affection,

and that if you’re unhappy with the consequences of your choice,

maybe you need to decide what’s more important.

Your body, your choice to shave;

their bodies, their choices to want to give those bodies

to any given person, for any reason. ”

GoldenSterling − NTA. If she doesn’t want to shave that’s cool

but you gave her an honest opinion.

That’s a real friend.

Some of these responses are unhinged.

Don’t take them personally.

alexandraadler − NTA. A lot of people of either s__ and/or s__ual preference

don't like bodily hair in abundance.

And no one is going to fall in love with

your personality on a first, or even third, date.

Physical attractiveness is important,

but even more important is the impression

that you're well groomed not only for your personal liking,

but also of the potential partner.

In the case of your friend, there could be some feature

that is putting prospective partners off her.

I don't say there is, necessarily, of even that it certainly is the body hair.

But it is wise to think about it or even adress it with a good friend.

Indeed, you'd be a bad friend if you'd never say anything just to be "nice".

These commenters judged OP YTA, saying shaving is a value and the advice was intrusive

Effective_Pie1312 − YTA not shaving is a value statement.

She is looking for a partner in life that has the same values.

By telling her to shave you are telling her

to change her values just to get a man.

Instead of saying “don’t worry you will find the right man”,

why not say “it’s better that these wrong men are screened out

than be with one of them that doesn’t value the same things you do.

Now that would be miserable compromising your values”.

Being single is not the end of the world.

Edit: Typos corrected and grammar improved for clarity

Edit to add: Not shaving is a value statement for OPs friend

as per OP her friend stopped shaving to stand up to the patriarchy.

Not shaving is not a value statement for all those that do not shave.

huged1k − YTA I think you’re going to get some angry responses

because a lot of people in this subreddit assume everyone posting is a man

so of course you’re going to be accused of supporting the patriarchy.

I think you’re probably right that some of the guys

she has gone out with are put off by her body hair.

However, she likely doesn’t want the kind of guy

who would see body hair as a dealbreaker.

She also didn’t ask for your advice.

It sounds like she was just venting.

Let your friends vent and just listen.

You don’t have to offer advice.

You can just offer support.

going_88mph − YTA I have leg and arm hair,

and I am in a loving relationship with a man

who is holding me as he's sleeping.

If I would have listened to you,

I would have been making myself uncomfortable for someone

who doesnt care one way or another.

A more supportive thing to say would have been:

"you'll find someone perfect for you, just keep working on yourself

and the rest will fall into place. "

She definitely wasn't asking for advice,

just wanted some emotional support from a friend.

The world tries to pressure women into conforming to shaving,

and I'm sure it hurt to hear a friend also try to do the same.

evelynsmee − YTA. .. if body hair is a deal breaker for a man,

it's not going to be a guy she would want to be with.

You wouldn't tell a friend to lose weight too "get a man",

so any variation of those is AH, wear makeup, shave, wear less makeup,

wear different clothes, not those clothes the other ones.

... People are entitled to their preferences,

liking a beard on a guy, long hair, short hair, whatever.

That is fine and not what is being judged here.

GhostmasterLex − YTA. If she doesn’t want to be judged by men

or society for shaving why should she start shaving for men and society?

She wasn’t asking for advice from the sound of it, just seeking support.

In the future ask someone if they want your input

before providing unsolicited advice against their values.

Jess1ca1467 − I'm saddened by the number if N-TA here

and the lack of reflection on our own socialisation into cultural gender norms.

I have read the post twice and no where does it suggest

OP's friend linked it to body hair or that OP has surveyed all these dates

and found out this is the reason.

You made a judgement based on your own prejudices.

Maybe your friend is picking the wrong men or is a boring date? ?

I know many straight women who don't shave

(I have never shaved my pubic hair and no man has ever complained

nor have they had any issues if I haven't shaved my legs)

and they never seem to have trouble attracting a male partner.

you assumed it's due to not shaving

but your're just projecting onto men

you don't know prejudices they may or may not have YTA

[Reddit User] − YTA. Do you think she hadn’t already thought about that?

Clearly she has made her decision.

If she changes her mind, she will shave.

All you did was try to make her self conscious about it.

Would you have said this to a friend

who dyed her hair pink or got a nose ring?

This user focused on whether the friend asked for advice or was only venting

IllustriousBet875 − Info: did she ask for advice or was she just venting?

This commenter said body hair filters incompatible partners and should be kept

New-Ice-9411 − Should have left it.

She needs a man that doesn’t find her body hair a turn off,

because that’s clearly the type of man she wants.

Her body hair is weeding out the incompatible men,

so she should keep it.

This story shows how a single, well-intentioned comment can ignite deep emotional reactions when it touches on personal values and identity. Do you think the friend’s suggestion was helpful, honest or an overstep?

Was it unfair to link dating setbacks to appearance choices, or was it a conversation worth having? Real friendships often survive these moments when both sides listen and clarify what kind of support is actually wanted.

How would you handle a similar situation with a close friend? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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