Being the younger sibling of a “golden child” can already feel like living in someone else’s shadow. But when that golden child falls, the pressure can become unbearable.
For one teen, that moment came the day his parents decided his brother’s mistakes were now his responsibility to fix. They laid out a career path, college plan, and future, all without asking his opinion.
When he refused to follow their blueprint, a massive family conflict erupted, filled with guilt, tears, and accusations.
Now, he’s asking the internet: was he wrong to say no to the life his parents built for someone else?
This isn’t just a blow-up, it’s a deeper wound in parent-child identity. The OP is refusing to be their parents’ emotional “Plan B,” and that’s exactly the kind of boundary conflict Nedra Glover Tawwab addresses in her work.
In an interview with MindTools, Tawwab says, “If you set a really hard boundary and someone is upset, saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t take away their pain – and you still want your boundary.”
That line matters here: the OP does not owe an apology simply for insisting their life not be a substitute for someone else’s dreams. The poster’s problem: parents pushing them into a career they dislike, repurposing their brother’s funds and expectations, erasing their own aspirations.
Opposing views suggest “they’re just trying to help,” or that “I should feel lucky” at parental support. But help that demands literal self-sacrifice is less support than cooptation.
From a developmental psychology angle, Dr. Lisa Damour speaks to the concept of separation-individuation, the process by which teens define their own sense of self.
In her piece My Child Is Turning Into a Teenager, she describes this time as when young people “seek to define their own identities – often by being hard on their folks.” In other words, this clash is expected when a teen is staking a claim to autonomy.
We also see a cultural undercurrent: families sometimes treat children as extensions of legacy or reputation. The “golden child” turned liability then becomes “recycled expectations” for the sibling. But developmentally, you can’t force someone into someone else’s pathway without damaging trust.
What this family needs most isn’t more control, it’s conversation. Parents should separate their grief from their guidance, and teens must learn to express disagreement without hostility.
Healthy communication, ideally with a neutral mediator such as a school counselor or extended family member, can rebuild trust. Respecting boundaries doesn’t mean rejecting family; it means redefining it in a way that allows every member to breathe.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
These Redditors backed the OP’s right to choose their own path, calling out the parents for forcing their dreams on their child.
Another wave of commenters warned OP to stay realistic about the job market, suggesting a balance between passion and stability.
Some users analyzed deeper cultural and familial expectations, linking the parents’ actions to traditional Filipino values.
A few Redditors defended the parents’ intentions, arguing that they were only trying to secure a better future.
This story hit deep for anyone who’s ever been labeled “the responsible one” after someone else messed up.
Do you think the OP was justified in pushing back, or should he have gone along to keep peace at home?
If your family tried to script your future like this, would you rebel or surrender? Share your take below, this one’s divisive.
