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Single Father’s Firm Stand To Cut Off His Grad’s Support Ignites A Family Clash

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

Parents might steer the ship, but one single dad dropped anchor hard. His grown kid’s staring at a $5,000-a-month apartment tab and a family trip that’s strictly pay-your-own-way.

A Reddit thread’s exploding with this fiery saga of tough love, and the internet’s dishing takes spicier than a chili cook-off.

Unpack this family feud and see if tough love’s a triumph or a train wreck.

Single Father's Firm Stand To Cut Off His Grad's Support Ignites A Family Clash
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for stopping payments on my child’s apartment and not paying for their way to our family vacation?'

I have several children and their mother is no longer in the picture. While raising them as a single parent,

I’ve always told them that I will pay for their college so they won’t graduate with debt but there are strings attach.

The main one is that they have to pick degrees that will support their lifestyle.

The other main stipulation is that I will continue to support them for a year after which they are on their own.

My eldest graduated last year with a degree with which I whole heartedly disagree.

We’ve had heated discussions about their career choice while they were in school but I was unsuccessful at getting this child to change their mind due to their passion for...

They are now working in a field that pays about $65,000 a year with a career ceiling of approximately $85,000. There is not a path to make more in this...

I bought them a car as a graduation gift and have been paying for the insurance and maintenance.

I’ve also allowed this child to use my account at the grocery store. I’ve also been paying my child’s $5,000 a month apartment rent

and utilities since last year and now their lease is coming up and they want to resign it.

When they came to me a couple of days ago, I reminded them it’s been a year and now they’re on their own.

We got into a heated discussion which boils down to they can’t afford to live in the city while working at their jobs.

They would have to move so far out that they’ll have to find another job during a time when the market is not great.

I refuse to budge as they knew this was coming and I wanted to make sure my other kids know I’m serious about them earning their own way through life.

During our discussion, I dropped the other shoe that they’re responsible to pay their own way from now on which includes our family reunion vacation next summer.

They argued there’s no way they can afford to pay for everything including a 2 weeks vacation in Europe on their salary and begged me to reconsider. I refused.

This child called their grandparents, aunts, and uncles (my parents, sisters, and brothers) to try to get them to change my mind. My other kids are staying out of it...

Half thinks I should continue to pay since I can easily afford to while the other half agrees with my sink or swim decision. Am I being too strict?

Family drama can hit harder than a reality TV cliffhanger, and this Reddit tale of a parent and their college-grad kid going head-to-head is no exception.

A young adult, fresh out of college, chasing a dream job that pays $65,000 a year – decent, but not enough to sustain a $5,000-a-month city apartment or a lavish European family vacation. The parent, a single dad with clear rules, warned his kid: pick a degree that pays, or you’re on your own after a year of post-grad support. The kid chose passion, and now the support’s gone.

Let’s break it down. The parent’s stance is rooted in teaching financial independence. They argue they’ve been generous – covering college, a car, insurance, groceries, and rent for a year. But the kid’s career choice, with a salary cap of $85,000, can’t sustain their current lifestyle.

The kid’s now facing a harsh reality: move to a cheaper area, get roommates, or switch jobs in a tough market.

This saga taps into a broader issue: generational wealth gaps. A 2023 Pew Research study shows Millennials and Gen Z face tougher financial realities than their parents, with stagnant wages and skyrocketing housing costs.

The parent’s “sink or swim” approach assumes their kid can navigate these waters, but did they teach them to swim first? Financial literacy – or lack thereof – is a key player here.

As Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes in a 2022 Forbes article, “Parents who over-support financially risk creating dependency, stunting their kids’ ability to budget and plan”. This rings true: the kid’s year of free rent didn’t teach them to save, leaving them shocked when the funds dried up.

On the flip side, the parent’s boundaries were crystal clear. The parent’s tough love could push their kid to adapt, whether by downsizing or reevaluating their career. Still, the family vacation twist stings.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

These users support cutting living expense aid but suggest paying for family vacations to ensure inclusivity.

KaliTheBlaze - I’d say pay for the family vacation if family is important to you. Vacations are a luxury, and so is family time with your adult kids.

Your generation has significantly better earnings than your children‘s generation.

If the point of a family vacation is family time, shouldn’t you want your kids to be able to come?

Is it really family time if some of the family gets left behind when you can easily bring them?

(Side note, my parents did well financially, and they still pay for my sister and I to join on family vacations because we weren’t as lucky as they were.

I’m turning 40 this year. My parents believe the point of family vacations is for us to be together,

and we’d be very limited on where we could go and for how long if my sister and I were paying our own way. My husband and my nephew are...

As for the apartment, it sounds like you were quite clear about the terms of your support and your daughter had plenty of warning that she needed to learn to...

So I think greatly scaling back or ending your support for her basic living expenses makes sense.

I’m finding myself wondering where the last year’s salary went with housing costs to pay.

So NTA for the apartment, but think about what the purpose of a family vacation is for your family.

Missepus - ESH Your child needs to learn budgeting and how to live on the money they make, and you should both have worked towards that years ago.

Moving away to be able to live on their own income is a reality most young people face, so this your kids needs to just deal with.

However, apparently the vacation is a family thing, big, expensive, and something you expect your children to participate in.

At this point your child will have to spend money on living expenses, not vacations,

and you know that, so if you want your child to be there, you will have to pay.

If you don't want them with you, not paying is a pretty clear signal, at least if you can afford it.

Refusing to pay this does not say "look what you did to yourself, now fix it" but "you didn't do what I wanted to, now I will exclude you."

If you do want to be with your child, while they pay their own way, find a cheap place you can afford and spend your vacation there, instead of leaving...

kpssk - NTA. It’s your money and you laid out the boundaries. You are totally within your rights to cut off your kid.

But maybe you pay for the family reunion and cut off everything else? You want your kid there…

Some suggest alternative support plans

Suspicious-Bite-1632 - So if I understood correctly, your kid has: a college degree, no debts, have been working for a year, hasn't paid any bills or utilities during this past...

Now your kid is sad that she can't have a luxury life (yes 5k apartment and Europe vacation is a luxury) NTA.

Your kid is a grown ass adult and should act accordingly. Just because you have money doesn't entitle her to it.

You only are an AH because you kept her live in luxury for so long.

Which_Literature_438 - NTA. You were very generous and clear about the expectations that came with that generosity.

Plus you had multiple conversations about the risk of this exact scenario with their chosen career path.

Slight YTA for agreeing to let them move into a $5k/mo apartment in the first place knowing they weren’t making anywhere near the income to sustain living there once their...

Also, I’m sure they’re being hella dramatic about not finding another place to live.

There are places, just nothing that fits into their preferred lifestyle. Time to learn about getting a roommate and living in the not so nice part of town. It’s a...

Barrel-Of-Apples - This one is kind of tough. I'm going to say NTA, but I have some reservations.

You did lay out the rules, very clearly by the sound of it. So it's not like they didn't know what was going to happen, and following through would be...

The part about their degree having to be something you agree with is a touch controlling,

but I understand why you'd want it to be something more robust so they could support themselves,

and it sounds like you let that slide a bit hence the situation that they find themselves in.

It also sounds like you're supporting them HEAVILLY financially at the moment, which is kind of you.

My only hangup is the lack of compromise/planning on your part. I don't disagree that you should stick to your rules.

But is there no plan B for any of your kids who fail to launch straight out of college into fully supporting themselves?

Is it possible for your kid to set up a kind of payment plan with you if they need support,

or is it possible for him to move back home and save some money? Even fantastic careers don't always start with stellar pay.

TLDR: NTA, but maybe work with your kid to come up with a plan, rather than absolute pure sink-or-swim

Some even have mixed judgment, enabling financial dependence was wrong, but cutting support now is justified.

Visible-Tea-2734 - Mixed YTA/NTA. YTA for not teaching this person how to function on their own and for paying for everything for all this time.

But NTA for cutting the purse strings now. You must do that and I think it’s the most irresponsible thing wealthy people do to their children, not teach them how...

[Reddit User] - You set your child up for failure. By continuing to pay for everything you allowed them to live over their means.

Why would you do that? At no point was your kid ever going to be able to afford $5000 rent on $65k salary.

If you were paying for everything, where is all their money going? I’m not sure if you get it either.

“Pick degrees that will support their lifestyle” . That’s not how it works. People don’t magically become an engineer if they suck at math.

“They knew this was coming”. You both knew it & you have a lot more life experience so for that reason.

YTA. You allowed this train to go off the tracks. Get your kid a financial counselor, set realistic goals & stay out of future financial planning. eta,

I have no clue how you made your money. I’m not judging you on what you can afford. You have the money, spend it however you choose.

$5k rent is ridiculous & laughable in my book but that’s just my opinion. We sacrificed, didn’t take vacations to Europe, clipped coupons,

watched for sales, accepted hand me downs to ensure we could provide for our kids education & future.

We also taught them financial responsibility because the goal was they wouldn’t have to do what we did to live a comfortable & happy life.

If you want your kid to live your lifestyle then keep writing the checks.

teresajs - ESH Your adult child sucks for not wanting to pay their own way now that they have a job.

You suck for having thoroughly spoiled your kid to such a degree that they didn't learn to be responsible for themselves.

They should have been living in a shared apartment they could have afforded on their own (even while you paid), been paying for their own car insurance, and been paying...

Your support didn't help teach them to be independent and contributed to bad financial habits.

rxylab - Agreed it's mixed, there's a lot to consider here: - you have seemingly been very clear about the conditions of the support.

However, did you assist them in trying to make them realise what it costs to continue their lifestyle? - did you help them with their financial understanding?

Cutting the purse strings is fine but if you didn't give them the financial literacy in order to help them with their own finances, then that's kind of on you.

I don't agree with you having a say in their career choice. That shouldn't be something that you have control over,

it sounds like you have definitely been very generous with your finances which is commendable,

but also that could have potentially given the child false impressions about how the real world works,

reminding them that the deadline is coming up isn't really enough for them to prepare or set themselves up for the situation,

it sounds like you dropped the bomb regarding the holiday without giving the full details of where it could be and you already understood that they had not prepared for...

This Redditor’s financial face-off is a masterclass in family drama, with a side of tough love. Was the parent’s ultimatum fair, given the kid’s dream-chasing defiance, or did they pull the rug too fast?

How would you balance teaching independence with keeping family close in this mess? Share your hot takes below!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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