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Man Disowned At 17 For Being Gay Refuses Help To Gay Stepbrother Who Aided Parents’ Rejection

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

Envision a family bombshell bursting like faulty fireworks, icing one brother while the other lurks in regret’s gloom. This Reddit story pulses with raw tension: a 26-year-old, booted at 17 after his stepbrother ratted out his intimate moment with his now-husband to bigoted parents, has forged a fresh path away from the pain.

Now, that same 26-year-old stepbrother, freshly out as gay and freshly rejected, slides into DMs begging for backup.

Resentment simmers from the old stab-in-the-back, clashing with queer kinship pulls. Friends divided on outreach versus boundaries. Forgiveness or fortress? The debate rages.

Gay stepbrother faces karma, asks for help from his brother, who was disowned at 17 for being gay.

Man Disowned At 17 For Being Gay Refuses Help To Gay Stepbrother Who Aided Parents' Rejection
Not the actual photo.

'AITAH for not helping my stepbrother after he came out gay because he got me disowned for being gay?'

On a burner.

I am 26 m. My family is the worse homophobic people you can ever meet. I knew I was gay when I was 14, but hid it from my family...

I hooked up with my now husband Kane when we were 17 and my stepbrother Peter 26 caught us in bed.

He immediately told our parents and I left after being screamed at and told I was disgusting

and they want nothing to do with me and just real nasty s__t that still hurts to this day.

My aunt took me in and I have had no contact with my family since then.

Last week my hubby got a FB request from Peter. He has, had tried to add me on my several social media. But I always block him.

Peter told Kane that he is gay and he was also disowned and he would like help from us.

I said absolutely not and to delete him. I still have nightmare were Peter was helping them throw me out.

Kane did delete, but Peter keeps trying to contact us, saying he is struggling.

We have spoken to our friends about the situation and some said its understandable.

I don't want anything to do with him because it did traumatized me, but others said its our job to help others coming out to ease people in our community.

When I asked if they would like to help him they said it would be better if it was me because I would be more familiar to him.

I am starting to doubt myself. Kane said he will support me in whatever I decide.

I am all for supporting someone coming out but this man helped my parents hurt me so bad, so I don't know AITAH for that?

Meeting the ghosts of family past can feel like starring in your own dramatic reunion episode.

In this case, the Redditor faces a tough call: extend an olive branch to the stepbrother who once shattered his world, or safeguard the healing he’s achieved over nine long years?

There’s the raw pain of being disowned at a vulnerable age, amplified by the stepbrother’s active role in the fallout. He didn’t just tattle. He joined the fray, leaving lasting scars that echo in nightmares.

However, the stepbrother’s plea highlights a shared struggle, perhaps born from his own hidden turmoil: maybe projecting his fears onto his sibling to stay safe in a hostile home.

Flipping perspectives, supporters of helping argue it’s about uplifting the community, easing the path for someone freshly navigating rejection.

But critics point out the hypocrisy: why demand aid from the very person you wronged without a whisper of apology?

The Redditor’s friends embody this divide, eager to preach solidarity but quick to pass the buck, claiming familiarity makes him the ideal helper.

Broadening the lens, this story spotlights the rocky terrain of family dynamics within the LGBTQ+ community, where acceptance can be a battlefield.

Statistics reveal the harsh reality: upward of 70% of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth experience some degree of parental rejection of their sexual identity, often leading to heightened risks for mental health challenges.

This underscores the importance of support networks, yet also the need for personal boundaries to prevent re-traumatization.

As therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab wisely notes in her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, “Setting boundaries is not a betrayal of your family, friends, partner, work, or anyone or anything else you care about.”

The Redditor isn’t turning his back on the community by prioritizing his well-being. He’s modeling healthy self-care. Tawwab’s insight encourages viewing limits as essential for emotional safety, especially after betrayal, reminding us that reconciliation isn’t mandatory for inner peace.

Neutral ground suggests weighing personal history against potential growth. If the stepbrother shows genuine remorse, a cautious conversation might bridge the gap, perhaps starting with resources from LGBTQ+ organizations. But forcing involvement could reopen old wounds.

See what others have to share with OP:

A large number of people share the same opinion about OP’s stepbrother.

Secure_Engineer7151 − NTA Hard yes to helping others come out and overcome challenges.

Hard no to helping someone who traumatized you and seemed to relish outing you to your parents knowing what the consequences would be, all while hiding his own homosexual feelings.

It also sounds like he has never apologized or made amends in any way over the years.

Maybe he’s just an a__hole who is facing Karma. Save your helping instincts for someone more deserving!

Senator_Bink − "I asked if they would like to help him they said it would be better if it was me because" sounds too much like work to them.

But they're happy to volunteer you. NTA. You don't owe him anything. He gleefully tried to nuke your life. What's he "struggling" about anyway? He's grown.

He got you kicked to the curb when you were still a kid. I'd leave him in the rearview, if it were me.

cgrobin1 − If you cant forgive him for getting you kicked out of your family, then let someone else help him.

Whether he was a homophobe or just an enabler, he did you serious harm when he ratted you out. You are not obligated to be his welcome wagon.

Just not actively doing him harm makes you a better man Consider telling him,

your family has been dead to you since he helped them disowned you, and that includes him. Nta

kingofgreenapples − NTA To those others who could help but are pushing it back on you,

I would say, "Nine years I haven't heard from him. He is as much a stranger to me as to you. I'll give him your contact and you can help...

ghzkaonii − NTA. I understand he probably had some conflicting feelings about his own sexuality at the time but that should have made him sympathetic to your situation.

He knew exactly what he was doing by telling your parents and it’s totally ok to not want to help him now.

If you figured it out as a teenager he can figure it out as an adult.

Many think the stepbrother is facing his karma that he deserves.

DivineTarot − Peter told Kane that he is gay and he was also disowned and he would like help from us.

Nope, sorry, zero compassion from me here. Him being gay does not rebuild the bridge he burned,

nor does him eating the same fate he damned you to years ago.

When I asked if they would like to help him they said it would be better if it was me because I would be more familiar to him. Would it?

You've not seen him for 10 years, functionally speaking he's a stranger to you and would be just as responsive to anyone else.

No, what they're saying without saying is that they have a moral opinions, but not standards, they wish to keep.

They'd rather reach into your pocket and pull out a dollar than spend one of their own, because that would require commitment. NTA

Kerby233 − NTA, being gay has nothing to do with being a terrible person (your brother), let him taste his own medicine

Klutzy_Leave_1797 − Your stepbrother knew he was gay back then and ratted you out to take any suspicion off himself.

Even at 17, that was hella s__tty. NTA. Avoid him. I wouldn't trust him.

Interesting-End1710 − Nta The audacity of anyone to ask help from the people they helped hurt.

His struggles are 0% your problem and quite frankly well deserved. Let him find his own way through

Lapinsz − NTA. In college I had a classmate who dated a guy who was homophobic and tried to get her to exclude me from group hangouts (I was often...

Years later, I got a DM on IG from that guy. He realized he's bi and asked me for help.

My friend (also gay) hit me with the same sentiment "everyone coming out deserves an advocate. "

I replied "I don't like him, I resent him, and don't respect him as a person. Do you still think I'd make a good advocate for him?

How can I make this person feel safe and trust that I have his best interest if I can't stand him?

Friend said "oh true" and let it go. I had similar success shutting it down when the topic came up a few more times with other friends in the group.

Just wanted to share if it might help with any feelings of guilt or obligation.

Time-Citron5547 − It’s convenient they say you should help but aren’t willing to help lol. You aren’t obligated to help just because he’s gay. S__tty people come in all models....

Surprisingly, there is a user that sympathises with the stepbrother.

Wise_Owl5404 − Yeah, no. No one deserves to be disowned or thrown out for being gay, so yes I do sympathise with your stepbrother.

That said, actions also have consequences, and he did not have to join in with your family or blab to them about you, he did that on his own.

He might not be evil, but that does in no way diminish the harm he caused you.

You were lucky to have a soft place to land, most kids that gets thrown out at 17 are not so lucky.

You were meant to die on the streets and that's the fate Peter wanted for you,

you need to take that into consideration before you decide whether to help him or not, he thought you should die for the "crime" of being gay.

Not to mention he's still extremely entitled because though he's a fully grown man with far more resources than you had,

he still refuses to accept your no. He's 26, he can google resources on his own. Frankly your friends are f__ked in the head, seriously.

But give them his number and tell them to call him if they're so concerned with him,

and if you're feeling really guilty send him a list of LGBTQ+ orgs in your area that can aid him,

then keep blocking the man. He tried not just to ruin your life but to cost you your life, remember that, always.

Leopards never really change their spots.

Just because he's gay doesn't make him any less dangerous to anyone he thinks the can get away with victimizing,

or if he needs a sacrificial lamb. So NTA if you don't want to help him. People like him are dangerous, being gay doesn't change that the least bit.

Echoing the twists of this family flip-flop, it’s a reminder that past hurts don’t vanish overnight, even with shared paths.

Do you think the Redditor’s stance on boundaries was spot-on, given the deep-seated trauma, or could extending help heal both sides?

How would you navigate a plea from someone who once turned your world upside down? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments. We’d love to hear your take!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jeffrey brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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