Every parent wants to be a soft place for their children to land, even when they’re grown. But what happens when that “child” is a 24-year-old adult whose behavior threatens the safety and sanity of your home?
That’s the impossible position one man finds himself in. His stepdaughter needs a place to stay after a bad breakup, and his wife is begging him to let her come home. But after a history of chaos, drinking, and one truly terrifying incident involving his young daughter, he’s putting his foot down. The fallout is a tense family drama about where the lines of loyalty and protection should be drawn.
This one is messy, so let’s get right into it.
You can just feel the exhaustion coming through in his words, can’t you? This isn’t just about a messy roommate or a noisy houseguest. This is about a fundamental breach of trust. The moment the stepdaughter chose to get drunk while in charge of a small child, she crossed a line that you just can’t uncross.
It’s one thing to be irresponsible with your own life; it’s another thing entirely to be irresponsible with a child’s safety. The stepdad isn’t just aggravated by her messiness. He’s terrified by her recklessness. And you can see his wife caught in the middle, torn between her maternal instinct to rescue her oldest child and her duty to protect her youngest ones. It’s a truly awful spot to be in.
The Boomerang Kid and The Broken Boundaries
Having adult children move back home is more common than ever. In 2023, the Pew Research Center noted that young adults are staying in their parents’ homes for longer, often due to economic pressures. It’s a modern reality for many families.
But there’s a huge difference between offering a supportive launchpad and enabling destructive behavior. The stepdad tried to set rules, but his stepdaughter ignored them. Her behavior isn’t that of a struggling adult trying to get back on her feet; it’s that of someone who sees her parents’ home as a consequence-free zone.
The core issue here is the difference between helping and enabling. As Amy Morin, LCSW and editor-in-chief of VeryWellMind explains, sometimes the most compassionate thing a parent can do is to allow their child to face the real-world consequences of their actions.
“While it’s painful to watch your child struggle,” she notes, “sometimes allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their choices is the most loving thing you can do.”
Forcing the stepdaughter to find her own housing solution isn’t about punishment; it’s about pushing her toward the independence and accountability she desperately needs to learn. The stepdad’s “no” isn’t just to protect his little ones; it may be the wake-up call his stepdaughter needs.
Here’s what the community had to say about this tough situation.
The overwhelming majority said NTA, emphasizing that the safety of the young children comes first, no matter what.
Many agreed that at 24, it’s time for her to learn to stand on her own two feet.
A few Redditors tried to find a middle ground, suggesting letting her move in but with extremely strict, legally-binding conditions.
And a couple of users questioned the step-parent dynamic, wondering if he was being too harsh because she isn’t his biological daughter.
How to Navigate a Situation Like This
If you’re in a similar bind, stuck between your partner and their child, communication and unity are your only way out. It’s crucial for you and your partner to get on the same page and present a united front.
Instead of a hard ‘no,’ try framing it as a ‘yes, if…’ Sit down with your partner and create a written contract. This isn’t about being cold; it’s about being clear. The contract should list non-negotiable rules: no unapproved guests, quiet hours, chore responsibilities, and an absolute zero-tolerance policy for being intoxicated, especially around the kids. It should also have a firm, agreed-upon move-out date.
By putting it in writing, you take the emotion out of it. It becomes a clear agreement that the adult child must adhere to. This protects your boundaries, reassures your partner that you’re trying to help, and gives the adult child one final chance to prove they can be a respectful member of the household. If they can’t agree to the terms, then the decision has been made for you.
In the end, it’s about priorities.
This isn’t just a simple housing issue. It’s a fundamental question of what a family owes each of its members. The stepdad has decided his primary duty is to provide a safe and stable home for his young children. While his wife is struggling with her desire to help her older daughter, the Redditors seem to agree: the safety of the most vulnerable members of the family has to come first.
What would you do in this situation? Is a parent’s door always open, no matter what? Or are there lines that, once crossed, can’t be un-crossed? Let us know your thoughts.
To the people who are saying they should “help” the daughter, the girl’s mother and ALL y’all would benefit from going to Al-Anon meetings because your thinking is enabling an alcoholic. The fact that her behavior endangers the others in the home is key. Also, her being told to go to Alcoholics Anonymous and get a sponsor who holds her accountable should be a prerequisite to her moving in. Don’t move an active alcoholic into your home, period. If she doesn’t want to go into treatment, go to AA, and get a sponsor, she needs to hit bottom, which for her at minimum could be living on the street for awhile. How do I know this? I worked in residential treatment for mostly criminally referred substance abusers for over a decade and spent 35+ years in Al-Anon myself due to having an alcoholic mother and a majorly codependent father who supplied her with endless cases of booze. It takes one to know one.