When a child is diagnosed with a lifelong illness, parents are expected to be endlessly patient and supportive. But what happens when compassion turns into exhaustion? That’s the question one mother is now facing.
Juggling two jobs to pay for her daughter’s insulin, she’s stretched thin while also trying to keep the household running. When her 17-year-old stopped helping out, ignored her pets, and watched her grades collapse, the mom issued an ultimatum: shape up, or the animals would be rehomed. Her words cut deep, and now she’s wondering if she went too far.
A single mom, stretched thin by two jobs to cover her daughter’s insulin costs, faces a household in chaos after her 17-year-old’s Type 1 diabetes diagnosis
When a 17-year-old is diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in April, as described by the OP, it fundamentally changes her daily life. The disease requires constant vigilance: insulin dosing, blood-glucose monitoring, dietary considerations, and emotional coping.
Research shows adolescents with T1D face higher risks of psychological challenges, including symptoms of depression, anxiety and behavioral distress. MDPI
In parallel, the teenage years involve critical transitions of autonomy, identity formation and academic expectations.
On one hand, the daughter is clearly experiencing the burden of her diagnosis: her grades have dropped to all Fs, she has stopped helping with household tasks and animal care, and she is emotionally volatile.
The mother’s viewpoint is also valid: as a single parent working two jobs to afford her daughter’s insulin, she cannot afford to carry the full animal-care burden, nor can her younger children (ages 6 and 9) pick up the slack safely.
The animals’ welfare and the household functioning are legitimate concerns. That said, the mother’s approach, threatening to rehome the pets unless the daughter “gets her s__t together”, fails to fully account for the psychological toll of the new diagnosis.
From a behavioural viewpoint, telling the daughter that “your disease is not an excuse to completely neglect everything” is factually accurate: illness does not absolve responsibility entirely.
But emotionally, adolescents with T1D often struggle with “diabetes distress” (a form of burnout characterized by disengagement from self-care and other responsibilities) which research links to poorer metabolic outcomes and decreased emotional well-being.
The conflict arises when parenting expectations meet a teen’s sudden illness-driven identity shift, and the family environment becomes charged with frustration and blame. Indeed, studies in youth with T1D indicate that family conflict around diabetes management often predicts worse adherence and greater stress. PMC
Advice & Solutions
1. Pause the ultimatum. The mother may momentarily ease the threat of rehoming and instead open a structured conversation: “I know taking care of the animals is one of your commitments; I also know you’re adjusting to diabetes. Let’s work together to map out what you can handle and what needs support.”
2. Create a shared action plan. Define clear, manageable expectations (e.g., “You will feed the dogs every morning by 7 am; I will check in once a week”) and reconcile them with the daughter’s diabetes management plan (therapy, support group, schooling). Include external support: diabetes educator, counselor, school accommodations.
3. Leverage professional support. The teen should continue therapy and possibly augment it with a diabetes-specific mental health intervention, because adolescence + T1D significantly raise risk of mental-health symptoms. MDPI
4. Adjust household roles temporarily. Recognize that the daughter may need a grace period. The mother might distribute some of the animal-care tasks to other family members or hire assistance until the daughter gains a firmer footing.
5. Revisit the pets issue only if necessary. If responsibilities continue to be unfulfilled and animal welfare is at risk, the mother may need to make the hard call to rehome but only after clear warnings, supported transition and documented attempts.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
These commenters criticized the mother’s reaction, calling her tone dismissive and her threat emotionally damaging
This group labeled the situation NAH (No Aholes Here), recognizing that both the mother and daughter are struggling under immense pressure
These users sided with OP, stressing that animals can’t be neglected no matter what
A fellow young diabetic offered empathetic insight and practical advice
A single mom fighting to keep her family afloat, a teen fighting her own body, and both struggling to meet in the middle.
Parenting through illness is never about being perfect; it’s about balancing compassion with boundaries. The internet may never agree on who the “a__hole” is here, but most readers could agree on one thing: this family needs grace, not judgment.
