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Girlfriend’s Midnight Strolls Hint ADHD, Boyfriend Locks Her Inside For The Sake Of Her Own Safety

by Jeffrey Stone
December 2, 2025
in Social Issues

In a quiet rural neighborhood, a 22-year-old guy’s losing sleep over his 21-year-old girlfriend’s 2 a.m. “solitary strolls,” leaving doors unlocked and keys forgotten. Living in his late grandma’s house, splitting bills like modern lovers, her carefree vibe, leading to burnt eggs and purses left in cars, sparks tension, hinting at undiagnosed ADHD.

His back-door-locking solution triggered a household showdown, splitting Reddit on protective love versus control-freak moves. Her nighttime wanderings fuel a story full of chaos in a relationship rollercoaster.

Boyfriend locks doors to prevent girlfriend from walking around outside after midnight.

Girlfriend’s Midnight Strolls Hint ADHD, Boyfriend Locks Her Inside For The Sake Of Her Own Safety
Not the actual photo.

'AITAH for “locking” my gf inside for her own good?'

(22M) So my gf (21F) has a bit of wanderlust.

I’m almost positive she has some form of ADHD because she is incredibly forgetful and at times careless.

She’ll do things like leave her purses, books, phone, and at times keys in the car.

Boil an egg on the stove and only remember once the water has completely evaporated and is burning, as well as other appliance related problems.

She always talks about how she’ll get around to getting diagnosed and medicated but never does. Apparently she’s been like this her whole life.

Anyways, we recently moved in together(a house that belonged to my grandmother but we both pay utilities/tax/bills) and it’s been great honestly except for these little problems.

The major point of contention right now is how she will at times leave through the back door,

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT on “walks’, and be gone for hours.

We have had disagreements about this multiple times in the past where I’ve told her that her walks are dangerous and make me uncomfortable.

She will leave at around 1 - 2 am to walk around our rural neighborhood for hours at a time, sometimes when her phone is on low battery.

I have no idea why she does this. She’s told me that it’s “exercise” and she enjoys the solitude but it makes me uncomfortable af.

I worry about what could happen in the middle of the night with no one around, and she doesn’t appreciate me coming with her too much.

Worse yet, she will leave the back door unlocked because she still hasn’t gotten her own set of house keys.

So it is up to me to readmit my wayward gf every few nights.

I’ve decide to draw my line. I’ve refused to unlock the back door and had it locked from both ends so she’s forced to use the front door for her...

Not even she would dare leave the front door unlocked to go gallivanting into the night, so I’m good on that end.

The only thing is that she got incredibly frustrated at me and called me a controlling AH and hasn’t been talking to me.

I don’t think I am when she refuses to behave like a literal sensible adult.

So yeah AITAH? I find it ridiculous cause she could simply go out to get her own pair of keys to thwart me,

but she’s the type that can’t have too many errands on her mind.

She will have a list of five and then feel overwhelmed and tapped out after completing one. I love her but she is insane.

Edit: A-lot of people are questioning why I hadn’t issued her a key immediately in a “landlord-esque” sense; well she’s not my tenant.

It’s more like she came over so much that it devolved into her living with me.

She has problems with her parents so she decided to make my place her main residence, and we’ve just been chilling like that.

She offered to pay utilities and things, but tbh I wouldn’t have minded either way.

So finally picking up an extra set of keys was on our to do list that she insisted she could handle.

Still, I feel I was a bit assholey in how I chose to handle this. Her possible ADHD is a big issue for her

and I’ve employed a hands off approach in order to leave her agency, but since it’s come to this it’s obviously not working.

We’re definitely going to figure out other ways to work through this,

including helping her make appts and finally start the process on her diagnosis.

She’s also suggested sharing her location when she goes for walks and informing me before she leaves each time.

Looking into electronic locks and - We’re going to go get her copies of the keys later today.

Also no, she does not have a secret lover that she’s hitchhiking to go rendezvous with each night. Some comments from my gf: I am not a cat.

What measures would you take if you had to take care of a loved one with a disorder that motivates them to do weird things being out of you control? Our Redditor had this one move, simple, efficient yet controversial.

His girlfriend’s midnight walks, coupled with her forgetfulness (possibly ADHD-related), have him playing night-watchman, locking the back door to ensure she uses the front one.

It’s a move he sees as protective, but she’s crying “controlling!” So, who’s right and who’s wrong?

She craves her moonlit strolls, calling them exercise and a chance for solitude. He’s sweating bullets, picturing worst-case scenarios in their quiet rural neighborhood.

According to a 2023 study by the National Crime Prevention Council, nighttime walks in low-traffic areas can carry risks, especially without proper precautions like a charged phone or a buddy system.

Our Redditor’s not wrong to worry, but locking the back door feels like a plot twist from a “my house, my rules” playbook. She’s not a cat, as she cheekily noted, but his approach might’ve caged her vibe.

From her perspective, those walks are a mental reset, possibly a coping mechanism for her suspected ADHD. Dr. Russell Barkley, a leading ADHD expert, notes in Psychology Today, “Individuals with ADHD often seek stimulation or quiet moments to self-regulate”.

Her late-night jaunts might be her way of finding calm in the chaos, but leaving the door unlocked and her phone on low battery? That’s a script for trouble. Both have valid points: he wants her safe, she wants her freedom. The real villain? Poor communication and a missing set of keys.

This drama taps into a broader issue: navigating mental health in relationships. ADHD can strain partnerships. Studies on Journal of Attention Disorders suggest couples where one partner has ADHD face higher conflict over organization and responsibility.

The Redditor’s hands-off approach to her potential diagnosis respects her autonomy, but it’s left them stuck. A compromise, like sharing her location or getting an auto-locking door, could rewrite this episode. Maybe it’s time for a heart-to-heart, a key-copying date, and a therapist’s number on speed dial.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Some believe the girlfriend’s unsafe behavior justifies locking the door to enforce safety.

TheDollarSlayer − NTA Her doing that is a safety hazard not just for herself but her home.

And, she can still go through the front door so OP has not locked her in.

If she so chooses not to go through the front door then that’s on her. I don’t think him locking it is something that should happen.

But, these aren’t normal circumstances and OP does state she is extremely forgetful.

I can’t imagine why she does this, and I do think a conversation about what causes this is necessary.

It’s probably better for her to speak to a therapist if willing. And, I can understand people just have their quirks but this is oddly specific of an action to...

Ok_String_5522 − NTA. What’s wrong w all of the commenters saying he’s controlling??

She is objectively doing an extremely unsafe thing, and also endangering other people by forgetting to lock the door.

There is no way she’s stupid enough to not realize how it’s not safe to go on hour long walks at 2 in the morning with a dying phone;

besides, he’s also brought it up to her many times. It would be one thing if she’s just clueless,

but she’s knowingly disregarding HER safety, HIS safety, and HIS valid discomfort just to engage in her dangerous walks, which is honestly extremely selfish imo.

He literally bought her a taser and she still forgets it! He’s done everything he can to make sure to accommodate her walks,

to help her be safer and also to alleviate his justifiable concerns, and yet she still refuses to make any changes.

She is aware she may have ADHD and this is why she is forgetful yet she does nothing to fix that

despite knowing her ADHD-induced behavior is dangerous to herself and her boyfriend and makes him justifiably worried?

She is obviously aware of the dangers of leaving doors unlocked because she won’t do it with the front door.

Her refusing to do it with the back door is frankly, her just being unempathetic to her boyfriends rightful concerns + lazy.

Also, if she so desperately wants to walk she can literally just get her own keys.

But no, once again, her ADHD causes her to be forgetful and she is fully aware of the need to treat it, is fully capable of seeking that treatment,

but refuses to and instead just obliviously and selfishly does things that’s not good for her or her bf.

OP is not forbidding her to go on walks or physically preventing her from doing so. He is not controlling.

Edit: I’m not saying she can just magically fix her ADHD, I am saying that she is aware of (literally has openly acknowledged!)

that she should get a diagnosis and treatment yet she hasn’t done that, at both her own and her bf’s expense.

And y’all I’ve been in an actually controlling relationship where my partner would use the guise of safety to be extremely abusive and disrespectful, this man isn’t doing that.

He has provided her with compromises (taser) and has obviously tried to be understanding about her need for these walks for a long time,

him locking the doors now is clearly a last resort because she has refused to ever be more responsible.

Yes sure he can refrain from “controlling” her behavior and just leave her instead,

but in the real world we don’t live under these black and white mental health and relationship guidelines,

humans will naturally try to stop the people they love from doing unsafe things while still wanting to stay with the people they love.

Others suggest the girlfriend’s nighttime walks are harmless and recommend safety compromises.

IndoorCloudFormation − I used to go for late night walks in my early twenties, around the city centre that I lived in.

I would go out at midnight, 1am, 2am. Have a lovely long nighttime walk, felt at peace with the world, and loves the solitude.

I did, however, always bring a fully charged phone from which I could easily call for help.

Plus I locked my flat like a normal person. I also had an app where my family could see my location

(though they lived in a different city and I didn't tell them about my nighttime strolls).

Oh, and I also have ADHD. Just sharing cos she could actually just be enjoying a nighttime stroll.

EDIT: apparently this is now a top-level comment and I'm required to make a judgement.

I say NAH, because your gf isn't doing anything bad or wrong and you're not actually locking her in the house if she can leave via the front door.

Clearly though both of you have things to work on: you have to recognize it's your responsibility to give her a set of keys

and not her responsibility to get yours copied (like wtf is that), and she needs to acquiesce to some safety points to make sure you don't worry,

like always having full charge on her phone, having a rape whistle on her, or some other such compromise between you.

Jocelyn-1973 − I recognize a lot of behaviour from my ADHD daughter. It helps if she is on medication.

For other things, structural solutions will help. Such as:

- Replace the lock on the backdoor with one that automatically falls in the lock

- Accept that she is an adult and gets to weigh the risks and benefits of nightly walks herself. Maybe you can discuss mitigation, such as wearing a whistle and...

- Make sure she has good noise cancelling headphones.

- Make sure you have good smoke detectors.

- Invest in appliances that will either stop when done, or make noise (such as an egg steamer).

Some question why the girlfriend lacks keys and place responsibility on the partner.

KingEBQ − INFO: Does she live here? If so, why does she not already have keys?

ughwhyusernames − INFO: This all hinges on the key situation. If you have keys, isn't it on you to go make copies for her?

Why is it not done? Why was she not given keys on the day she moved in?

If you went out of your way to change the lock on the back door, it surely must have come with 2 keys like any normal lock.

She sounds like a mess but you don't sound any better.

fox13fox − Info - why did you not just get her a set of housekeys or let her use yours?

DeeDee-MayMay − Info: she doesn’t have keys so I’m presuming you have the only set of house keys.

Why then, is it her fault she doesn’t have keys when you’re the one with them?

If she has access to them regularly, you also mention you know having many “to do” tasks overwhelms her

so I don’t understand why you won’t do her a solid and get the keys done yourself?

It’s one little thing that will take under an hour and she’s not capable atm to do that whether mentally (overwhelm) or physically (no keys to copy).

One person suspects underlying issues beyond ADHD and suggests medical evaluation.

LeeroyX − NAH, But I can’t help thinking there is something else going on here.

There is to many unaccountable factors that don’t make sense in terms of normal everyday behaviour and skills

(task management, memory, risk management and probably others).

Seriously, I don’t think you have an AITA kind of problem here.

I think you might have a “I think my girlfriend might need to see a GP for a discussion and further testing” problem.

One user highlights the girlfriend’s broader irresponsibility as a safety concern.

Every_Caterpillar945 − Lol, you moved in with someone that will burn down your house sooner or later

bc she can't be bothered to remember the stove?

And you think her leaving the back door unlocked in the middle of the night is the main problem here?

This Redditor’s lockout gambit has us all wondering: was it a clever safety move or a step too far?

His girlfriend’s midnight walks might be her zen, but leaving doors unlocked in the wee hours is a plot twist nobody wants.

Do you think his back-door lock was a fair play to keep her safe, or did he overstep into controlling territory?

How would you handle a partner’s quirky habits that keep you up at night? Share your hot takes!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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