Offering to carry a child for someone you love is a deeply selfless act, but it also comes with its own set of emotional and personal boundaries. For one woman, the decision to be her sister’s surrogate was driven by love and a desire to help, but it came with a big condition.
Having experienced past trauma, she didn’t want any men in the room during childbirth, a request she had clearly communicated to her sister beforehand. When her sister’s husband pushed back, arguing his right to be present, the situation became more complicated.
Was she wrong for insisting on this boundary, or is she justified in putting her own needs first?
This situation isn’t just about a birth plan, it’s about personal autonomy and trauma-informed boundaries.
The OP’s decision to exclude her sister’s husband from the delivery room is rooted in a deeply personal experience of sexual assault, making her discomfort with male presence during labor both valid and significant.
Her choice reflects a fundamental principle of trauma-informed care: respecting the autonomy and boundaries of individuals who have experienced trauma.
Trauma-informed care emphasizes the importance of understanding and integrating knowledge about trauma into policies, procedures, and practices.
According to a study published in the Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic & Neonatal Nursing, trauma-informed care in labor and delivery settings involves recognizing the prevalence of trauma, understanding its impact, and responding by integrating this knowledge into practices and policies to avoid re-traumatization.
The OP’s sister and her husband may perceive the exclusion as a personal affront, but it’s crucial to understand that the OP’s request is not about rejecting them; it’s about creating a safe and supportive environment for herself during a vulnerable time.
As noted by the Public Health Agency of Canada, individuals with a history of trauma may require supportive and nonjudgmental care during labor and birth to prevent re-traumatization.
While the OP’s sister’s desire to have her partner present is understandable, it’s essential to recognize that the OP’s boundaries are not negotiable in this context.
The OP is not obligated to compromise her comfort and safety to accommodate others’ preferences.
As the National Center for Trauma-Informed Care advises, creating an environment that respects and supports individuals’ boundaries is a critical component of trauma-informed care.
Here are the comments of Reddit users:
These Redditors firmly supported the OP’s right to control who enters the delivery room.
These users were blunt in their condemnation of the sister and her husband’s actions, calling them “ungrateful” and “entitled.”
These Redditors expressed shock at how the sister and BIL were handling the situation, questioning their emotional intelligence and maturity.
These users criticized the sister and BIL for their sense of entitlement.
These users urged the OP to stand firm in her decision and not let her sister or BIL manipulate her into changing her mind.
![[Reddit User] − NTA and I would honestly think twice if I would give a child in the care of two people who have so little emotional intelligence and are...](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/wp-editor-1761895070254-42.webp "Surrogate Refuses To Let Sister’s Husband In Delivery Room, Family Drama Reaches A Breaking Point")
The OP’s decision is grounded in personal trauma, and her boundaries are understandable given the context of her past.
While her sister and brother-in-law may feel hurt by the request, it’s crucial to recognize that the OP is the one giving birth, and her comfort and mental health should be prioritized.
Was the OP too firm in her stance, or was she right to set a boundary she knew she needed for her own well-being? How would you handle a similar situation? Share your thoughts below.
