Girl Wants Privacy In Her Own Room But Gets Called Selfish After Asking For Her Late Brother’s Space

Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when the grief affects the entire family. For one Redditor, the loss of her older brother at a young age has left an emotional mark on her family dynamic, particularly with her mother’s attachment to her brother’s room.

Now 16, the Redditor is frustrated by sharing a room with her younger brother, feeling cramped and uncomfortable. When they asked their mother if they could take over their deceased brother’s room for privacy, her reaction was intense and hurtful.

She is now questioning if she were being selfish or if her request was reasonable.

The OP’s request to move into his deceased brother’s room brings to light two legitimate but competing needs: the teenager’s need for privacy and personal space, and the mother’s deeply rooted grief and desire to preserve her son’s memory.

On one hand, the OP shares a room with his younger brother, feels unable to change clothes privately and has little personal sanctuary.

On the other hand, leaving the older brother’s room untouched may serve as a coping mechanism for his mother, helping her maintain a sense of connection and control within her grief.

Grief research supports the idea that preserving a loved one’s space is a meaningful response. For example, many parents keep their deceased child’s room “untouched” as a way to manage their loss and maintain a continuing bond.

One academic review notes that when a child dies, parents often face a “loss of a part of the self” and may engage in rituals or keep belongings as a way to hold onto that connection.

These findings show the mother’s fixation on the room isn’t simply denial but can be a form of healthy grief processing.

Meanwhile, the teenager’s desire for a separate room is developmentally appropriate. Adolescents often seek a space of their own for autonomy, identity development and privacy.

Given both sides have merit, the OP’s request isn’t inherently selfish, but its framing and timing have triggered emotional conflict. The mother’s reaction (threatening to send him to live with his father) suggests she feels deeply threatened.

A solution could involve a respectful conversation, the OP acknowledges his mother’s loss and the meaning of the room, and asks for a compromise that recognises his need for privacy while respecting her grief.

For example: “I understand how important this room is to you and how keeping it unchanged honours my brother; at the same time I’m finding it hard to share my space. Could we explore a way where I can have more privacy without altering the memory of his room?”

Choosing language that emphasises mutual respect rather than “I want your room” can make a difference.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These commenters all agree that it is inappropriate for a 16-year-old girl to be forced to share a room with her 14-year-old brother, especially when there is another bedroom available.

These users pointed out that while grief is understandable, OP’s mother is being selfish by pushing her children aside and forcing them into uncomfortable situations.

These Redditors echoed the need for OP’s mother to seek professional help to deal with her grief, suggesting that the current living situation is unhealthy for everyone involved.

These commenters directly addressed the privacy issue, highlighting that OP’s age and gender make the current situation especially inappropriate.

This situation is incredibly complex, with deep emotional ties at play. While the OP’s desire for privacy and their own space is completely valid, it’s also clear that the mother is grieving and holding onto her son’s memory in her own way.

Could the OP have approached the situation with more understanding of their mom’s feelings? How would you navigate a request like this while respecting the emotional needs of the people around you? Share your thoughts below!