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Mom Moves Son Out After Dad Secretly Cancels His Job Applications For A “Family Duty”

by Leona Pham
December 5, 2025
in Social Issues

There’s a fine line between supporting family and sacrificing someone’s future for the sake of convenience.

Many adults move back home after college, hoping to save money or get on their feet, but it becomes far more complicated when expectations start multiplying behind the scenes. And when caregiving enters the equation, emotions can shift in ways nobody anticipates.

In this story, a mother discovered something about her husband’s involvement in their son’s stalled job search that left her stunned. After months of confusion, everything clicked into place at once.

Instead of staying quiet, she took action in a way that uprooted the family’s routine and challenged her husband’s idea of loyalty. What followed was a heated clash over responsibility, control, and the meaning of family support.

A mother learns her husband sabotaged their son’s job search, forcing her to make a drastic choice

Mom Moves Son Out After Dad Secretly Cancels His Job Applications For A “Family Duty”
Note the actual photo

'AITA for moving my son into a rental apartment after finding out that his dad's been cancelling his job applications?'

My son "Aiden" (23) moved back in with us upon graduating college as my husband wanted.

My husband's original plan was to have Aiden live with us for free, but stay home and help with his disabled younger brother (16).

Aident started complaining about needing money and wanted to find a job.

My husband was against this and even offered to double his allowance but Aiden was growing tired of staying at home.

So he began looking for jobs here and there for over a year but non of his job applications came through.

He'd just apply and they never get back to him.

We were confused by this til recently, I found out that my husband was behind all the job applications being cancelled.

He'd wait tol Aiden applies then he proceeds to cancel the application by impersonating him and using his email.

I blew up at him for this but his justification is that he's just trying to make sure that our younger son is cared for by Aiden and said

that Aiden has been big help and him getting a job will affect his care for his brother.

I went ahead and rented an apartment for Aiden and told him to stay there til he finds a job and starts paying for it himself.

Aiden was hurt upon knowing what his dad did. My husband was livid when he found out.

He called me unhinged and said that I was separating the boys and teaching Aiden to become selfish and care more about a job than family.

He also said it was huge decision for me to rent an apartment without even running it with him.

He's been giving me hell about it and is calling me a terrible mother for encouraging Aiden to be selfish and selfcentered.

He said I needed to see and understand why he did what he did [Edit] few things to mention:

(1) My husband says that since he and I have health issues then we could use Aiden's help.

(2) When I suggested outside help, my husband refused saying he won't ask anything from anybody and that his son is his problem and no body else's.

(3) I used money from our joint account to pay for the rental apartment.

My husband said it was wrong and that it was a major waste of money since we deal with medical bills consistenly.

Some truths about family love are difficult to face, especially the idea that care, when mixed with fear, can quietly shift into control. In this story, the emotional core isn’t simply about a son finding work. It’s about autonomy, dignity, and a mother’s instinct to protect her child when his father’s fear becomes harmful.

Aiden wasn’t just blocked from job opportunities; he was denied the chance to step into adulthood. For him, the repeated silence from employers wasn’t rejection; it was sabotage disguised as parental concern. For his mother, discovering this betrayal meant confronting not only her husband’s actions but also the imbalance of power within their home.

Looking at the situation from another angle, it becomes clear how differently people define responsibility. Some parents, especially fathers under pressure, may equate devotion with control, believing that keeping a child close ensures family stability.

Meanwhile, others see independence as an essential part of growth. Gendered perspectives can also shape the conflict: men often react to caregiving stress with a “preserve the system at all costs” mindset, while women may prioritize emotional well-being and long-term resilience.

To many readers, the mother’s decision might seem bold, but through the lens of psychology, it reflects an attempt to restore fairness after seeing her son’s future quietly constrained.

Psychology Today discusses this pattern in its article “Overparenting: Too Much of a Good Thing.” Therapist Tamara Hill, MS, NCC, CCTP, explains that when parents take excessive control, believing they’re protecting their children, “they may actually stunt emotional growth and create long-term dependence,” even though their intentions feel loving.

She notes that this type of over-involvement can leave young adults uncertain about their own abilities and fearful of making independent decisions.

Hill’s insight offers clarity into Aiden’s experience: his father’s interference wasn’t just inconvenient; it was developmentally damaging. By cancelling applications behind his back, the father kept Aiden locked in a role of caretaker rather than allowing him to become his own person.

The mother’s intervention, providing temporary housing, wasn’t an act of rebellion but a corrective measure against an unhealthy dynamic. She wasn’t teaching selfishness; she was giving her son the space required to grow, something every emerging adult needs.

So, love cannot thrive under surveillance. Families facing caregiving stress must look toward sustainable solutions, professional support, shared responsibility, and honest communication rather than sacrificing one child’s future for another’s needs. True family loyalty is built through respect, not restriction.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These commenters condemned the husband’s abusive manipulation and strongly supported the mother

SlinkyMalinky20 − NTA. Your husband is abusive to Aiden and honestly, creepy in his manipulations and insistence on Aiden being Dobby the house elf.

Minute_Patient_8841 − NTA ​ YOu are a great parent. ​ YOur husband is an abusive AH. Get a divorce.

Aware-Leather2428 − NTA - but wtf. Your husband is deranged and you should leave him.

Your older son has a degree, wants to work and be independent and your husband is gaslighting him to try to keep him around to support his younger disabled brother?

The emotional manipulation is strong with him and I’d be concerned about what he’s capable of.

realstareyes − NTA. Your husband is a huge AH and absolutely toxic.

He exploits Aiden as a caretaker and deliberately ruins his own future and opportunities.

The only one who is selfish and irresponsible is your husband, and clearly NOT Aiden.

Do whatever you need to do in order to protect your son and don‘t let your husband exploit and parentify him further.

This group focused on Aiden’s right to independence and the need for better long-term caregiving plans

AggravatingSand8896 − NTA - hopefully Aiden has changed his password

(and maybe even set up a second "secret" email for job applications in case daddy dearest manages to access the old one in some way)

bizianka − NTA. Aiden deserves to have a life of his own. You and your husband need to find a better plan to take care of your youngest.

What if Aiden meets somebody and wants to start his independent life, what next? Your husband will contact his SO to ruin relationship?

These Redditors highlighted the dangers of forced caregiving and urged seeking proper support services

tomjames206 − NTA. Da fuq wrong with your husband? Getting started as a young worker is crucial.

He could stunt your son's entire life path with this b__lshit. Long-term caregiving is no joke, and can cause major depression, but this is screamingly not the way

to deal with the struggle he clearly is either having or worried about having with caring for your other child.

Rude_Vermicelli2268 − NTA Your husband is crazy. It’s not Aiden’s responsibility to care for his disabled brother at the at the expense of his own life.

You and your husband need to look into long-term care options for your disabled son.

This group stressed the severity of the husband’s behavior, calling it criminal or sociopathic

[Reddit User] − NTA and what your husband is doing is criminal (at least figuratively, but likely literally as well).

This is seriously sociopathic behavior - dig into this (on behalf of both sons and yourself)

to see what else he's been doing, because impersonating one person to force his way likely doesn't stop there.

LiberateMainSt − NTA What your husband did to Aiden is inexcusable.

Just how does he expect Aiden to take care of his brother down the line if he's never had a career or any savings?

This commenter emphasized that caregiving is not Aiden’s life obligation and praised the mother’s action

iangel19 − Nta. You did so right by your son and you are a good mother.

I don't understand why only aiden can be his brothers caregiver according to your husband but this is not aidens responsibility.

His is to live his life and actually have one and your husbands is to find care for his son without ruining his others sons life.

What you husband did wqs just wrong and his outlook is wrong too.

These users condemned the husband’s selfishness and pointed out the legal risks of identity misuse

Keenzur − NTA Your husband is insane. The only selfish and self-centered one is him.

I'd bet money he's only doing this so he doesn't have to care for his son himself.

It is not Aidens' job to be a caretaker for his brother for the rest of his life. I'm dont usually jump to "leave him", but this man is NOT...

He betrayed the trust of not only you but the son whose life he tried to ruin.

Huff-da − NTA! Your husband is the one who is selfish here.

Your husband could get charged with identity theft, doesn’t matter if it’s your family or a stranger, you are not allowed to do what he has done.

This Redditor labeled the husband’s actions as extreme control and advocated strongly for divorce

DoraTheUrbanExplorer − Holy f__k NTA This is beyond controlling behavior.

Your husband was literally trying to enslave your son to take care of your other son for the rest of his life.

Aiden should be able to live on his own like anyone else.

That doesn't mean he doesn't care about his brother but his brother isn't his burden- it's yours.

The apartment rental was an excellent quick fix- this gives Aiden the space he needs to become independent and should prevent your husband from doing him dirty again.

However- I'm not sure how you could continue to live with someone who is so cruel.

This level abuse is far above what therapy can solve IMO. Divorce him.

This commenter focused on the husband’s pattern of covert manipulation and the need to protect Aiden

[Reddit User] − NTA. The lengths to which your husband is willing to go to control another person's life is deranged.

For him to do something like this behind everyone's backs and respond this way when he's been caught says

that he's done convert, extreme meddling and manipulation tactics like this before. You're protecting your son from an abuser, not teaching him to be selfish.

This family’s conflict sits at the intersection of caregiving, control, and the uneasy transition from parent-child roles to adult-adult relationships.

Many readers sympathized with the mother’s choice to give her son space to grow, while others pointed out the urgent need for real caregiving plans that don’t sacrifice one child for another.

So what do you think was the mother right to intervene so boldly, or did she jump too far, too fast? And where should families draw the line between shared responsibility and personal autonomy? Share your thoughts below!

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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