A couple’s eight-year romance crumbled under the weight of his unbreakable loyalty to an overbearing mother, shattering dreams of a happy family with their newborn daughter. The 30-year-old woman detailed how her 36-year-old partner, the youngest son raised alone by his mom among seven siblings, vowed to create the stable home he never had.
They mapped out cohabitation, but after he bought a multi-unit property, his mother claimed permanent residence, refusing to budge even when pregnancy sparked vicious words from her, harshly rejecting the unborn child and insisting she’d reign until her last breath. He confessed full devotion to their family would only come after her passing.
Woman confronts her boyfriend’s unbreakable tie to his mother, jeopardizing their family.
Meeting the in-laws is supposed to be nerve-wracking in a cute, awkward way, like forgetting names or spilling coffee. But when it turns into a full-blown battle for your partner’s attention, it’s more sitcom nightmare than rom-com charm.
At the heart of this story is a classic case of enmeshment, where boundaries between parent and adult child blur, making it tough for romantic relationships to thrive.
The boyfriend feels deep guilt for his single mom’s sacrifices, keeping him tied closely: running home daily for her needs, even with a newborn waiting.
Meanwhile, the Redditor feels sidelined, raising their daughter mostly solo despite living just an hour apart. His past girlfriends fled for the same reason, and he knows boundaries are needed… but change feels impossible until his mom is gone.
From the mom’s side, her resistance might stem from fear of loneliness or losing control after raising seven kids alone. It’s understandable to crave closeness, but it can unintentionally push away the next generation’s happiness. The boyfriend’s loyalty is admirable on the surface, yet it leaves his partner and child feeling like backups.
This ties into broader family dynamics, where adult children sometimes prioritize parents over partners. Experts note that enmeshed relationships often lead to difficulties in romantic partnerships, as individuals struggle with independence and boundary-setting.
Psychologist Susan Forward explains: “Enmeshment creates almost total dependence on approval and validation from outside yourself. Lovers, bosses, friends, even strangers become the stand-in for parents. Adults […] who were raised in families where there was no permission to be an individual frequently become approval junkies, constantly seeking their next fix.”
This dynamic can persist into adulthood, burdening the child with emotional caretaking and complicating their ability to fully commit to a spouse.
On the flip side, many therapists emphasize shifting priorities in marriage. Family therapist Raffi Bilek notes that when children and spouses compete for attention, “I think that the question of when to prioritize your partner over your kid is best answered with ‘always’”. Although this isn’t about abandoning parents, it shows the importance of creating a strong foundation for the new family unit.
Neutral advice? Open, calm conversations about needs and boundaries are key, perhaps with a therapist’s help to unpack guilt and expectations. Couples can work toward balance: honoring aging parents while nurturing the partnership and kids. It’s tough, but many find middle ground through compromise and clear communication.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Some people advise breaking up immediately, viewing the boyfriend as a perpetual “mummy’s boy” who prioritizes his mother over his family.
Some people highlight the irony and hypocrisy in his behavior, noting he is repeating his father’s abandonment.
Others express shock at his unchanging priorities even after pregnancy and urge leaving for self-respect.
This tale highlights the delicate dance of blending families while forging your own path – guilt, love, and loyalty all tangled up. The Redditor’s bold words underscore a painful truth: Waiting for life to start isn’t fair to anyone, especially a child craving stability.
Do you think her ultimatum was spot-on, pushing for change in a stuck situation, or too harsh given his lifelong family ties? How would you balance caring for an elder parent without sidelining your partner and kids? Share your thoughts, we’re all ears!
