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Husband Apologizes For Cheating, But Wife Already Knew—Is She Wrong For Not Confronting Him First?

by Annie Nguyen
December 19, 2025
in Social Issues

Discovering your partner’s infidelity is never easy, especially when there are children involved. This woman found out that her husband had been cheating but chose to keep it to herself while she tried to figure out how to move forward without disrupting their family life. When her husband finally confessed, he was upset that she hadn’t confronted him sooner.

Now, she’s torn between staying in the marriage for the sake of their kids and walking away from the betrayal. Was she wrong for keeping the secret, or is her husband overreacting? Read on to see how others react to this difficult dilemma.

A wife discovers her husband’s affair but waits to confront him, unsure whether to divorce after he confesses

Husband Apologizes For Cheating, But Wife Already Knew—Is She Wrong For Not Confronting Him First?
not the actual photo

'AITAH for telling my husband I already knew that he cheated on me?'

A week and a half ago I was on his phone to order something on Amazon.

There was a notification from a number I didn’t recognize.

I clicked on it and there were months worth of flirty texts, inappropriate pictures

and she even asked him to come to her apartment a few times.

I knew I couldn’t stay with him because he was a cheater, obviously, but I couldn’t break things off immediately.

We have 3 kids together (a 5yo, a 1yo and a 2 month old).

I don’t want him to get the kids but we signed a prenup bc he had some money he wanted to protect.

I was scared that a judge would give him custody bc he can afford to take care of them better

but the prenup had a clause where it’s dissolved if he’s unfaithful.

I wasn’t going to do anything crazy. I just wanted to find a lawyer before mentioning anything to him.

But yesterday he told me about the cheating and apologized. I told him I knew about it already.

He got mad at me for not telling him sooner. He told me that I’m ruining our family by keeping secrets from him.

Like okay h__ocrite much? But anyways now I’m also wondering if I should forgive him since he came clean.

I still want our kids to grow up normal. I don’t want a broken home for them.

If he was willing to tell me and to apologize, could we still make things work?

AITAH for not telling him I knew sooner? WIBTAH if I still divorce him after he told me about it?

In relationships, infidelity can create significant emotional turmoil and lead to difficult decisions, especially when children and family dynamics are involved.

In this case, OP found herself in a situation where she knew about her husband’s affair before he confessed. Her decision to withhold this information from him for a time is understandable, as it likely allowed her to process the situation and seek legal advice, given the complexities of her family and financial situation.

The emotional conflict at play here involves trust, timing, and emotional readiness. OP’s decision to keep her knowledge to herself could be seen as a way of protecting herself and her children while she figured out her next steps.

Infidelity triggers strong emotional reactions, and it’s common for people in such situations to need time to reflect and gather their thoughts before confronting their partner.

The choice not to immediately reveal her knowledge might have been motivated by a desire to act strategically and thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

On the other hand, OP’s husband, when he did confess, likely felt a sense of guilt and responsibility for his actions. His reaction to OP’s delayed confrontation, accusing her of keeping secrets, may stem from his own feelings of shame and a desire to deflect responsibility for his behavior.

It is not unusual for people who have committed wrongdoings to shift blame or criticize their partner’s actions in an attempt to avoid facing the full consequences of their actions. This can create further tension in an already strained situation.

The question of whether OP should forgive her husband is a personal one and depends on many factors, including the sincerity of his apology, his willingness to change, and OP’s ability to rebuild trust. Forgiveness in the wake of infidelity is not a straightforward process.

Some may argue that the apology and the husband’s willingness to come clean are positive signs that the relationship could be repaired. Others may feel that the betrayal is too deep to overcome and that moving forward separately might be the best option for both parties.

Ultimately, OP’s decision to keep her knowledge of the affair private and her hesitation to immediately confront her husband reflect her need to take control of the situation and navigate a challenging emotional and logistical landscape.

Whether or not she decides to forgive him and stay in the marriage depends on how both parties address the underlying issues of trust, accountability, and mutual respect.

OP is not necessarily in the wrong for handling the situation the way she did. Her actions reflect an understandable desire to protect herself and her family, and the decision about how to proceed in the relationship will depend on the ongoing dynamics between her and her husband.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

This group agrees that the husband’s actions are hypocritical and manipulative, accusing the OP of keeping secrets

SubstantialDate1674 − NTA he’s literally mad at YOU for keeping secrets after months of cheating??

The audacity is unreal. Don’t let him guilt trip you into staying, you deserve way better than this mess.

Kaidanofthealps − That he got mad says everything. I suspect he realised the message was read, but not from him.

So he "knew" it could only be you.

Artistic-Tough-7764 − NTA - he cheated and doesn't like the consequences of his choices. Too bad.

KillrBeeKilld − NTA, he only came clean because somehow he figured out you read his messages.

There is no way it is a coincidence that he has been cheating for months and now comes clean just days after you found out.

These Redditors share their own experiences or thoughts on the matter, urging the OP to prioritize their own well-being and the well-being of their children

WranglerMaster4037 − My stbx husband pulled this s__t too.

Said I was devious because I looked at his phone and didn’t tell him I knew right away

about the affair he was having while I was pregnant and had a newborn.

They are just POSs. Flee from him. It only gets worse one they know you know.

thisisstupid - I forgave my husband his first affair, he had two more. If I knew then what I know now…

MildewMoomin − He cheated on his pregnant wife? Nah, take him to the cleaners.

You think the kids will be happier with your miserable marriage?

Happy divorced parents are better than unhappy married parents. The amount of people I know that wished their parents just divorced. NTA.

CatCharacter848 − You be teaching you kids it's OK to stay with someone who lies, cheats and disrespects you.

This group encourages the OP to consult a lawyer, dissolve the prenup, and seek a fair divorce

grayblue_grrl − You want your kids to grown up normal? With a lying cheat for a dad and a woman who is afraid to lose them.

BUT HAS A PRENP that is invalid if he cheats.

None of that is normal. "I’m ruining our family by keeping secrets from him" The man has has a f__k load of secrets from you for months.

Give your head a shake. He doesn't like or love you. He's a liar and cheat. And he'll do it again if you stay. Get that lawyer working.

Electronic-Success69 − Hope u got proof of the infidelity.

Have the prenup dissolved and divorce his ass. He’s only trying to keep his assets safe. Updateme

mayfeelthis − YWBTA to stay, it’s misguided to think your kids won’t be in a broken home then - it’s broken already.

They’d just be living in the cracks. Take the proof to a lawyer and get a fair divorce imho, aim for an amicable coparenting situation.

These Redditors emphasize that the husband only confessed because he knew the OP found out

Nervous-Tea-7074 − NTA - He only confessed because he knew, you knew.

You read the message before he did, that’s why he confessed.

He’s not apologising because he loves you and wants to save his family, he just knows the pre-nup is useless now, and he gonna lose it all.

Take him to the cleaners! You talked about your kids growing up normally?

Well think about this, he’s been hugging them, while smelling of her, he’s been kissing them

with the same mouth that’s been licking her a**hole and time he could of been spending with them, he spent with her.

Apprehensive_War9612 − Let me spell it out: 1. Either she ended it or he suspected you found out.

And that is why he “came clean.” He is trying to get in front of the truth.

2. HE absolutely remembers that clause. If you “forgive” then change your mind, does the clause no longer applies? Better look into it.

3. Have you heard of DARVO??? Because he is absolutely flipping it so he can claim YOU are ruining your family due to HIS infidelity.

MeggieMay1988 − This man cheated on you while you were pregnant, and postpartum.

If he had s__ with you while you were pregnant, he knowingly risked giving you an STD, that could have harmed your baby.

He is selfish, and does not care about you AT ALL. Just know if you stay with him, you are basically agreeing to an open relationship.

He absolutely will do it again, especially knowing you will forgive him for it.

I am willing to bet he only confessed because someone else threatened to tell you.

This commenter offers a more reflective perspective, recommending a book to help the OP understand the emotional complexity of the situation

Jeardawg − NTA- I Just read a book called, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley P Glass....

I feel like it might give you some relatable experience. His coming to you, it is something, but him cheating...

well how you feel about that is really deeply personal. Best of luck, hope that you come out of this better than before.

In the end, this situation is a difficult one, with no clear-cut answer. The wife is caught between wanting to protect her family and her desire for a future free of betrayal.

Her husband’s admission of guilt may have been a step in the right direction, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship can be saved without hard work and commitment from both sides.

Should she forgive him for the sake of their children, or is it time to move on? It’s a personal decision that only she can make, but one thing is clear: trust, once broken, takes a lot of time and effort to rebuild. What do you think? Should she stay or go? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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