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Man Threatens To Ban Brother From His Wedding After He Plans To Propose During The Reception

by Annie Nguyen
December 23, 2025
in Social Issues

Planning a wedding is stressful enough without family drama, but for one groom-to-be, his brother’s plan to propose at the reception is creating chaos. After his brother casually asked to pop the question at the wedding, the groom thought it was a joke until his fiancée found out he was serious.

Now, the groom has threatened to ban his brother from the wedding if he goes ahead with the proposal, citing past family tensions and a need to keep the focus on his own special day.

Is the groom overreacting, or is he justified in drawing a firm boundary? Read on to see how this emotional dilemma plays out.

A man threatens to ban his brother from his wedding after he plans to propose during the reception

Man Threatens To Ban Brother From His Wedding After He Plans To Propose During The Reception
not the actual photo

'AITA for threatening to ban my brother from my wedding because he plans on proposing to his girlfriend during the reception?'

I (25M) am getting married in December.

My fiancée (24F) and I both are very excited and busy planning, and this incident is making things much more stressful.

A couple weeks ago I was talking about the wedding with my brother (30M)

and he asked if it'd be okay for him to propose to his girlfriend at our wedding.

I laughed and said "Yeah, sure, if you want to get your ass handed to you by my fiancée".

He laughed, and I figured he got the message.

The other day my fiancée came to me, in tears, saying that my brother had called her and thanked her for letting him propose at the wedding.

She told him that had never happened, and he wasn't allowed to do that, and he just laughed and thanked her again.

I called my brother back and asked him what was going on. He's insisting that he's going to propose to his girlfriend at the wedding.

He claims it's "getting even" for when I announced our engagement at the same family dinner

he brought his girlfriend to meet the family (I had no idea, they arrived separately and she got there after I had made the announcement).

I told him if he doesn't get it through his head that he is absolutely not allowed to propose,

both him and his girlfriend won't be allowed into the wedding at all, and if he tries to pull a stunt, he'll be kicked out immediately.

He didn't take it well and told the whole family.

My fiancée and I have been getting calls and messages from them telling us how s__tty we are for doing that,

how dare I turn my back on my brother.

He's also now blaming me for spoiling the proposal to his girlfriend and the family,

because if I hadn't been "such an a**", he wouldn't have had to break the news to the family like this.

I still stand by what I did, I don't think I was out of line at all, but my fiancée thinks we should have just let him propose to avoid...

I know it means a lot to her that everyone gets along and that there's no hard feelings,

especially since she's feeling stressed as is, but I don't want to give in to my brother. AITA?

EDIT: Thanks for all the responses! I didn't expect this to get this many comments.

To address something: while I understand the intent behind the suggestions,

my fiancée and I will not be telling my brother that we'll announce a pregnancy at his wedding in retaliation.

We are unable to conceive and this is a sore subject to us.

 

UPDATE: Firstly, thank you all so much for the crazy response on my original post.

Totally unexpected, but very much appreciated by my fiancé and I.

As I mentioned a couple times in the comments of my original post, my fiancé

and I wrote up a Facebook post to explain the situation to our families (mostly mine),

including screenshots of texts with my brother

(I decided I didn't want to link the post here as it feels a little too personal to be slapping on Reddit. Sorry!)

As expected, once the family heard our side of the story and put everything together, many of them changed their tune.

Most of the family members who had been calling me an a__hole ended up apologizing and siding with me and my fiancé.

My brother was livid. He called me about an hour after the post went up and demanded that I take it down

because it "made him look bad". He said he was being unfairly attacked, and even blamed me for his girlfriend breaking up with him.

My brother has formally been banned from the entire wedding,

and we've asked any family members who continue to side with him to RSVP that they will not be attending.

Our parents aren't happy with the turnout, and my mother has decided she won't be attending my wedding

because of how I'm "alienating" my brother during an important event.

I don't mind; I've never been very close with her, and while it is a bit sad that

she's choosing my hardheaded brother over my wedding, I still have my father's full support.

My brother's (now ex) girlfriend is still invited and got promoted to bridesmaid

because of how helpful and supportive she's been to my fiancé. Hopefully this is the last issue we'll run into during wedding planning!

I hope this update lives up to any expectations.

I never expected I'd be in this situation, but I'm glad so many people on this sub got a kick out of it,

and very grateful for the advice and support I received.

Family and weddings are both emotionally charged subjects, and when the two collide, tensions can rise quickly. At the center of this situation is a boundary about what is appropriate on your wedding day.

Weddings are universally understood to be a celebration of one couple’s commitment; it’s a day dedicated to their relationship, their plans, and their memories. That’s precisely why the idea of someone proposing to their partner during someone else’s wedding can be controversial and uncomfortable for many. (Inside Weddings)

According to wedding etiquette guides, it is considered inappropriate to propose at someone else’s wedding without the couple’s explicit permission.

This rule exists because a wedding is already a full emotional and logistical event, and diverting attention to a separate major moment can shift focus away from the couple of honor. Even when a wedding guest might mean well, the general etiquette advice is to avoid hijacking someone else’s special day.

Across wedding‑planning resources and etiquette forums, the sentiment is consistent: if someone wants to propose to their partner, there are many other meaningful times to do so, and choosing another couple’s wedding day, even with good intentions, can be seen as inconsiderate.

One planner quoted in mainstream media notes that weddings are typically planned with specific moments and timelines in mind, and interjecting another major life event can throw that off or distract from the newlywed couple’s celebration.

That said, there are nuances. Some online discussions suggest that if the couple getting married expressly invites a proposal at their event, and both parties are truly comfortable, then it might be acceptable. This still depends entirely on the couple’s wishes, and even then, not all guests may understand or appreciate it.

This context helps explain why the OP and his fiancée feel strongly about keeping the focus on their day: it’s a very common expectation that weddings remain centered on the couple getting married. Allowing another big reveal, for example, a proposal, can unintentionally overshadow that moment or create awkwardness for other guests.

At the same time, the brother’s desire to propose may come from a place of excitement or emotional comparison, especially if he felt slighted by how his sibling’s engagement was announced.

Feelings about fairness and emotional competition among siblings are real, even if the request itself was poorly timed. This is where family dynamics and communication become important.

Wedding planners and relationship guides often recommend setting clear boundaries early in the process, communicating them respectfully, and explaining why certain requests may not fit with the couple’s vision for their wedding.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

These commenters all agree that proposing at someone else’s wedding is highly inappropriate and selfish

Lunararchon − NTA, it’s your wedding. Besides, proposing at a wedding is super awkward.

Like. The wedding is about the couple, not someone who’s going to be getting married in the future.

MelkorHimself − NTA. I can't tell you how many threads I've seen here where somebody proposes at a wedding.

It's an a__hole move that steals the thunder from the newlyweds. This is your day, and your older brother should know better.

Arctic_Mandalorian − Nta. That would take away from your special day and is innapropriate.

Edit: also he's being incredibly manipulative and you honestly might be better off eloping with that kind of familial response.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You just don’t announce news or propose at a wedding. It’s a celebration of two people not a party.

This group emphasizes that the brother’s actions are manipulative and that he should respect the wedding day as the couple’s moment

Mak_and_Cheezy_ − NTA! !! Your wedding day is about YOU and your partner and no one else!

If he can’t use the other 364 days in a year to propose he’s being an a__hole!

Also his poor fiancé is being used in a revenge scheme. Unless he seriously says he won’t do it I would ban him.

I would reach out to all your relatives because he is likely giving them a very insider story! Congrats on getting married!!

TroyandAbed_Morning − NTA - stand your ground on this.

It sounds like he’s doing it to annoy you not because he even wants to propose to his girlfriend at the wedding.

Sharikacat − NTA. You do not co-opt other people's events for your own announcements.

That's tacky and massively rude and disrespectful. I hope you realize that your brother is going to tell you

that he won't propose just so he can be invited then spring the proposal anyway, right?

You can ban him from getting anywhere near a microphone, and he'll still find some way to make a scene for himself.

These commenters recommend disinviting the brother immediately and standing firm against his proposal plans

desert_red_head − NTA. Feel free to ban him and anyone else you feel might be encouraging him to still do it.

If he continues to give you a hard time, you can always give his girlfriend a heads up

about his plans and completely ruin the proposal that way.

[Reddit User] − Clearly NTA. There are some rules for weddings - you don't wear white, you don't ask about the ex's,

and you don't propose at another person's wedding!

Your brother sounds mean and your family sounds unsupportive though...

maybe call up your folks and find out why they think you're turning your back on him?

TimeForCaffeine − NTA - it is your wedding he does not get to steal your thunder. Disinvite him NOW.

I say you have a 98% chance of him either doing it at the reception anyway or using the reception to announce that he proposed the day before.

They feel that the brother is acting out of spite and trying to manipulate the situation, turning his own issues into a spectacle at the wedding

Smudgikins − NTA you might be saving him embarrassment. His girlfriend might say no

maggienetism − NTA. He's trying to manipulate you both into letting him propose at your wedding...

to get even with you for something you weren't even doing on purpose

(announcing an engagement when you weren't aware he was introducing his girlfriend that day).

He specifically went out of his way to harass you and your fiancée about this and now he's acting the injured party? No.

He shouldn't be allowed to propose just because he got it into his head you "deserve" the pain.

Bean_1213 − First off, congratulations on getting married!! Sorry to hear your brother is TA here.

It's one of the basic rules of a wedding, though.

Don't wear white, don't announce a pregnancy/proposal, don't interrupt the speeches,

turn off your phones during the ceremony, the wedding party aren't your kids' babysitters, etc.

He spoiled his own proposal by taking his dirty laundry and airing it out to the family.

He could have just as easily taken his girlfriend somewhere special and proposed and it would have been no issue.

Instead he told them in what amounts to a tantrum. He ruined it himself.

You ruined nothing; your wedding day is about you and your fiancee.

And if they can't accept that, they either shouldn't come, or they get removed.

Don't let him win, don't let him near the microphone, don't let him propose.

(If he keeps pushing it he doesn't even get let into the ceremony)

and tell those family members telling you off that they're on thin ice too.

Be firm, be swift. Once again, congratulations on the marriage.

Hope everything goes well.

These commenters support the decision to prevent the brother from proposing

annadownya − NTA. and frankly, if someone proposed to me at someone else's wedding I would be pissed.

Has anyone mentioned to him that his girlfriend might be pissy about having to share her proposal with a wedding?

It's not much better from that side either.

Toadie9622 − NTA. Disinvite him now, because he is 100% going to do it.

Do you think the groom was too harsh on his brother, or did he do the right thing by setting boundaries? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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