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Dad Breaks Engagement After Fiancée Admits She Doesn’t Want to House “Somebody Else’s Kids”

by Charles Butler
December 30, 2025
in Social Issues

Choosing between a future partner and the peace of your children is a choice no parent ever wants to make. It feels a bit like being caught between a beautiful future and the hearts you have spent years protecting. For one widowed father on Reddit, this struggle became a reality after his fiancée made a series of hurtful remarks.

After a long journey of grief and rebuilding, he finally decided to take a brave stand. This story shows us that even when we love someone deeply, we must listen to the small whispers that tell us something is not quite right. It is a heartfelt update about setting boundaries and putting family first.

Let us look at how this emotional situation reached its final turning point.

The Story

Dad Breaks Engagement After Fiancée Admits She Doesn’t Want to House “Somebody Else’s Kids”
Not the actual photo

AITAH if I call off my engagement because of a comment my fiancé made about my late wife?

For some background info I (43m) have 2 children with my late wife Kayla. Sam (21m) and Liz (16f). All fake names.

Kayla passed away when our kids were 15 and 10. I won’t give specifics about how she passed

but she was struck by a drunk driver when she was on her way home from work. She really was

the love of my life and to say that her passing hit our family hard would be an understatement.

I promised myself that if I got back into the dating game I wouldn’t date anyone for at least

a couple years for the sake of my kids. 3 years after my wife’s passing, I met my now

fiancé. We’ll call her Amanda. Things went slow and I didn’t introduce her to my kids until we had

been dating for about a year at that point. Now we’ve been together for 3 years and are engaged.

Amanda and my kids have always had a good relationship. Neither of my kids are super close to her

but they have always been friendly and welcoming to her, and Amanda has never overstepped any boundaries my

kids have, like trying to replace their mother. At the beginning of Amanda and I’s relationship, she was

a bit insecure of the fact that I was a widower. During the first few months of us

dating she would constantly ask things like “if Kayla had never passed, would I still be with her right

now.” I always kept my answers brief, and told her that I didn’t like thinking about the “what

ifs” and that she was the one I was dating now and that was what mattered. Eventually she stopped

making these comments and I stopped worrying about it. Now to the issue. My parents were hosting a

family dinner to celebrate my fiance and I’s engagement. It was my mom and dad, my late wife’s

sister and her husband, Sam and Liz, and me and Amanda. Dinner was going well, we were

all making small talk with each other and talked about wedding plans. About half way into dinner my

mom made a comment about how she was “so happy I was able to find the spark I had

with Kayla in someone else.” I don’t think anybody really paid much attention to the comment but then

Amanda laughed and said “I’m happy she died, otherwise I would have never gotten him to myself.” The

tone of the dinner immediately shifted and everyone got extremely tense, especially my kids. Amanda noticed the shift

and started awkwardly laughing like she was trying to play her comment off as a joke. I was

honestly just frozen as that was the first time she had made a comment like that. My kids

looked disgusted and Liz got up and walked out to the car. Sam waited a bit longer like

he wanted me to say something but I was still in shock about what Amanda had said. To

make a long story about the dinner short, the dinner was kind of ruined, so I said my

goodbyes to everyone, grabbed my fiancé and we all drove home. My daughter hasn’t spoken to me or Amanda

since and it’s been 3 days. I got tired of it and pulled my son aside to

ask him what I should do. He said something along the lines of “I’m a grown man and

don’t care who another grown man marries, but I don’t want a women who speaks like that about

our mother around my sister.” Sam’s comment stuck with me and now I’m considering calling off the engagement

entirely. She’s never made comments like this before but I’m worried if I let it slide this

one time, it will become more frequent and it will affect my daughter. I need some advice from

outside perspectives and just want to do right by my kids. WIBTAH if I called of the engagement

because of the comment she made? Edit: Wow I didn’t expect to get this much advice so shortly

after posting this. Nonetheless thank all of you for the advice and even the people calling me a

bad father. I think your guys words are what I needed to pull my head out my ass.

I will try to talk to my kids alone tonight before speaking with my fiancé and we’ll see

where it goes from here. I’m pretty sure my fiancé and I are over though. I’ll update

late tonight or tomorrow on how the talks with everyone goes. Thank all of you again for setting

my head straight. EDIT#2: I tried posting my update on here but this post wouldn’t allow it.

I’ve made a separate post for the update for those interested.

Update:

This is an update post for those who have read my initial post asking for advice. I promised I would update everyone after

I had talked to my kids so here is the update. it’s kind of long so I

hope that doesn’t go against the rules of this community. I’m also gonna use this update as a

way to clarify some of the questions people were asking in the comments. Did my fiancé apologize to

anyone at the dinner party? No she didn’t. I honestly don’t think it even registered or has registered

to her that what she said was wrong. Does fiancé have social anxiety? Not to my knowledge no.

In all the time I’ve known her she’s never shown any signs of social anxiety and doesn’t

have a history of it. How old was my late wife? She was 37 when she passed

and we were the same age. Amanda is 41. A lot of people were asking for clarification

on the time frame of her passing and when my fiancé and I met. At this point in

time Kayla has been gone for about 6 years and I met Amanda roughly 3 years after Kayla’s

passing. I didn’t mention either of their ages as I didn’t believe it was important because we’re

so close in age but I understand why a lot of you guys would want to know. Now

that I’ve clarified the things I was most asked about in the comments we can get into the

update. While I’m writing this update, it’s the day after I talked to my kids. So last

night at around 5:30 my fiancé left for work. She works nights most days of the week

so I was able to call my son and ask if he could come over so I

can talk to him and his sister. He goes to our local college and lives in an apartment

near his school. When he started college he wanted to move out but also wanted to stay close

to us so he settled on an apartment a few blocks away from the college. He came over

and I called him and his sister into the living room to talk with the both of

them. When they were both seated I told them point blank that I didn’t think the wedding was

happening anymore, and that the comment she made was unacceptable. I then (by the advice of the comments)

apologized to them. I told them I was sorry for not saying anything for so long and

letting the tension thicken in our home. I told my daughter that I understood why she hasn’t spoken

to me and that I was sorry for allowing her to think that I was even remotely ok

with what she said. I felt pretty spineless after we had gotten back from dinner that night so

I wanted to do everything in my power to make it right with my kids during the conversation.

My daughter told me that she felt disgusted at the comment Amanda made and even more so when

I didn’t defend her mother. She then told me that the past 2 years that she’s known

Amanda, she felt like she’s been gradually trying to push her and Sam away from me. One

of the examples Liz gave when was when my son moved out. He moved out when he was

about to start his sophomore year of college, and when he mentioned the idea of moving out, Amanda

was the one who took that and ran with it. According to Liz, Amanda was the one

encouraging Sam the most to move out. To be clear, I was never against Sam moving out,

but I was clear to him to he was welcome to live at home for his college

years and even after until he found where he wanted to be. I asked Sam if he felt

pushed out by Amanda, and if that’s why he moved out. He said he hadn’t felt pushed

out before he told everyone he wanted to move, but after he put it out there my fiancé

kept pushing for him to move out. Liz cut in and said that every time she brings

up college, Amanda keeps encouraging her to go out of state. Liz doesn’t plan on going out

of state and she’s been open about wanting to go to the college Sam is attending right

now. Liz said she feels like Amanda is waiting till she graduates high school and goes to

college so she can move out. A lot of the comments were right about the subtle comments

eventually turning into Amanda wanting my kids pushed away from me. Liz said that she was scared

that by the time I eventually noticed the way Amanda was acting, too big of a wedge

would have already been driven between me and them. I told my kids that I’m sorry it’s

taken me this long to notice and that I was also sorry they’ve been been walking on

eggshells for so long. I hugged my kids and told that them no matter what, they are

my top priority, not Amanda or anybody else. A lot of comments pointed out that even though

my son is grown, he still needs his father, and I made sure to let my son

know that I will always be there for him and his sister even when they are well

grown. The entire conversation lasted about 2 hours, we covered a lot of the bases we wanted

to, and it got emotional on all sides. In short, Amanda and I are done. I’ve

made it a point to tell my kids that none of this situation is their fault, and

that Amanda is the grown women who said what she said. My kids and I are ok

right now, but they aren’t 100% with me and probably won’t be for a while. I’m

completely fine with that and just want my kids comfortable in their own home. Amanda has tomorrow

off from work, so I plan on talking to her tomorrow. I also plan on calling my

mother to ask her why she thought it was ok to even bring up Kayla at the

dinner. I don’t want my daughter here when it all goes down, so she’s staying tonight

and tomorrow night with Sam. So that’s were I’m at right now. Not super happy about

the outcome of me and Amanda, but would rather have my kids happy and healthy than have

a wife. Again, thank you everyone for the advice and the harsh words. I’ll update after

I call it off with Amanda. Thank you everyone.

Update #2

Ok everyone here’s the update you guys were waiting for. Again, this is a long post, even longer than the last update, and

I Suggest reading my previous posts if you haven’t for the contest of this situation. So

where we last left off is my kids and I talked, made up, and my daughter

is staying with her brother so she doesn’t get caught up in what was about to happen

with my now ex-fiancé. Before the hard part of the day (breaking it off with Amanda) I

made a call to my mom to let her know of the situation. A lot of the

comments told me to not bash my mom for the comment she made. Now thinking back on

the situation with a clear mind, the comment my mother made towards Amanda was most definitely a

compliment towards her. And that was confirmed in the the call I had with her. My

mother, bless her heart, felt extremely guilty for the entire situation. She fully believed the situation

all stemmed from her one comment. I assured her that none of the situation was her fault

and that I’ve never blamed her one bit for any of this. We talked a bit

more before I let her go. The call ended at about 9:15 AM and I was

left waiting for Amanda to wake up. She woke up at around 10:30 AM, and I

didn’t want to a__ush her straight after she woke up, so I waited until about 11:10

AM to sit her down and talk. A lot of people in the comments suggested to

secretly video the whole thing. I thought that was extremely smart, so I had my phone

set to record in my back pocket the entire time. I didn’t think she’d try to

do anything drastic, but I would rather be safe than sorry. The talk with her went

about as well as anyone could imagine, so not at all. I told her I needed

to talk with her, that it was serious, and we sat in the living room. When

we were seated, I began unloading at her about the comment she made about Kayla at

my parents house, how it made my kids feel, how it made me feel, her lack

of an apology of any sort of acknowledgment to what she said, and so on. I

told her I expect her to give an apology to my parents, my in laws, and

most importantly, my kids. During the entire time of me unloading on her, she didn’t seem

to show any bit of emotion other than her eyes, which were slightly wider than normal.

After I spoke my truth, she straight up asked “so if I apologize to everyone, we’ll

go back to normal?” I told her point blank, no. I told her that the comment

she made at dinner was not the extent of my problems with her. I then told

her that I know she heavily pressured Sam to move out when he wasn’t even sure

if he wanted to at that point in time, and that I also know she is

now trying to do the same with Liz. I did my absolute best to leave my

kids out of the situation but told Amanda that the way my kids described her treatment

towards them, was the main reason I don’t see a future with her anymore. Amanda was

stone faced up until I told her we were done. I think that’s when the panic

set in for her. She kept saying that she’ll apologize to everyone, that she’ll make it

right with my kids, ect ect. I told her that if she apologizes, I will certainly

appreciate it, but we were still done either way. She was full on crying at this

point and asked me “why wasn’t I willing to try and fix our relationship?” And I

told her that even though I loved her (and I will be honest I still love

her very much) I was not willing to take another chance of my kids being hurt

against the way they were. I was frustrated and shot back at her asking her “why

she was trying to push my kids out of their own home?” And I got back

an answer I was not at all expecting. I was completely shocked at her response, but

a lot of you guys won’t be. A lot of commenters actually hit the nail right

on the head with what Amanda was truly like. Amanda responded with “well, I didn’t know

you expected me to house somebody else’s kids for the rest of my life.” I immediately

saw red and after about a minute I told her get out. I told her that

my kids can go wherever they damn please, especially in the house that I OWN and

PAY FOR. She tried to retaliate but in the end ended up pack a few bags

and going to stay with one her friends. I emailed a copy of the phone recording

to myself. The talk only lasted about 25 minutes, not nearly as long as the talk

I had with my kids, so if anything ends up coming of the conversation, I have

all I’d need to keep my name clear. I’ve texted my kids that Amanda is

out of the house for good, that they are welcome to come home anytime, and let

my son know that if he wants to, he is more than welcome to move

back in completely. My daughter is coming back from her brother’s place in the afternoon and

I still have phone calls to make to make to my parents and in laws to

apologize for this mess of a situation. Amanda is out of my house but keeps blowing

up my phone for us to try to work things out. I’ll let her come

by in the next few days so she can collect the rest of her stuff out

of my house but she is not welcome to live here again. I’ll be honest

and say that I am a bit devastated. Despite everything Amanda did, I still love her,

and I probably won’t stop loving her for a minute. But I’ll be ok. Right

now I just want to focus on the family that needs me, and will use

this situation as an excuse to bond more with my kids. Another big thank you

to everyone who helped me in the comments. A lot of the advice you guys gave

played a part in making things right with my family. I will update if anything else

big or important happens but as of now I’m taking it one step at a time and making it right with my family.

This update is truly a whirlwind of emotions. My heart just breaks for this father who had to witness someone he loved reveal such a cold side. It is incredibly difficult to realize that the person you planned to marry does not value your children as their own.

Watching him stand up for his kids is such a powerful moment. He showed so much strength by putting their emotional safety ahead of his own feelings. It is a reminder that a home should always be a sanctuary for the people who live there. It is clear that choosing the children was the right path toward healing for the whole family. Moving into the expert side of things, we can see why this realization was so vital.

Expert Opinion

Building a blended family requires an enormous amount of grace and a very special kind of heart. According to studies highlighted by Psychology Today, the transition into a stepparent role often fails when one partner views the children as obstacles rather than family members. This mindset can create a deep rift that is very hard to bridge.

In this case, the fiancée used a term that experts often call “emotional distancing.” By calling the children “somebody else’s kids,” she signaled that she was not ready to be a full participant in their lives. This type of exclusion can be deeply damaging to teenagers who are already navigating the loss of a parent.

Experts at the Gottman Institute suggest that successful remarriages depend on the new partner’s ability to support the original parent’s bond with their children. When a partner tries to compete with the children for space or attention, it usually leads to a collapse of the relationship. A healthy partner should want the children to feel even more secure, rather than less.

Statistics from various family reports show that a majority of children in blended families struggle with “loyalty binds.” When a new stepparent is unkind, the child feels they must choose between their parent and their own comfort. By calling off the engagement, the father effectively removed that pressure. He affirmed that their place in his life is permanent and sacred.

It is a gentle lesson that love should always expand a family. Love should never make it feel smaller or more exclusive.

Community Opinions

The digital community was cheering for this dad and offered a lot of practical support for the next steps.

Several readers suggested that he should pack up her things and change the locks immediately to stay safe.

OhNoNotAgain1532 - It would be a good idea to start packing up her stuff now.

A few times toward me, but I've also seen it toward others, when ex partners come to get their stuff, they try to take or ruin things that you had...

jimmyb1982 - If you haven't already, change the locks. You never know how she might act out.

Not saying she will, but better to be safe than sorry. Good luck my friend.

sk1999sk - change the locks on your house asap.

Commenters expressed deep sympathy for the father as he processes the end of a relationship with someone he still cares about.

hdmx539 - OP, I am so incredibly sorry that the woman you love was not really the woman you thought she was.

I know this is extremely painful and devastating. You were planning a life with her and now that is severed. I'm so sorry. You did good.

Active_Pooter - glad you kept a steady hand navigating this. flying colors. whenever you feel you miss Amanda just remember she wasn't who you're missing.

One user shared a beautiful personal story about how a true partner loves a spouse’s children, biological or not.

StraightArachnid - Family is family, blood or not. I love my husband. Julie was part of him, so I love her too. And her kids.

If any part of her is watching over us, I hope she knows her kids will be taken care of as long as I live. Amanda sucks.

Majestic_Rule_1814 - You did the right thing. Like damn that’s hard, but you are a Good Parent.

A police officer weighed in with advice on how to keep the peace during the move-out process.

Amyme123 - Police officer here: pack her stuff up, put it in the garage and call for a civil standby when she comes to get her stuff.

You will have a neutral 3rd party there who has no emotional attachment with the benefit of being able to shut an argument down before it ever gets started.

[Reddit User] - Also take video of all her stuffs showing you putting them in boxes so that she doesn’t have proof that there still something left behind. I’m saw...

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

If you ever find that a partner is not being kind to your children, the best path is to prioritize the children’s well-being right away. It is very helpful to have calm, honest conversations with your kids in a space where they feel safe to share their truth. Believe what they tell you and watch how your partner reacts to the children’s presence.

When a breakup happens, it is wise to be gentle but firm with boundaries. Changing the locks and arranging a neutral witness for the retrieval of belongings can prevent more emotional stress. Focusing on small bonding activities with your children can help everyone heal and feel like a solid team again.

Conclusion

This journey was a difficult one, but it ended with a family choosing each other. The father’s choice shows that being a good parent sometimes means making a heartbreaking personal sacrifice. It is a story that honors the memory of a late wife by protecting the legacy she left behind.

How would you have felt in this father’s shoes? Is there a way to forgive someone who speaks poorly of your children, or is that the final straw? We invite you to share your thoughts on building a healthy blended family with us below.

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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