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Woman Divorces Husband For The Man Who Saved Her Life With A Kidney

by Layla Bui
January 2, 2026
in Social Issues

Sometimes, the choices we make in life are influenced by the most unexpected moments. For one woman, a life-saving kidney transplant became the catalyst for a profound shift in her personal life, as feelings she never anticipated surfaced when a friend donated a kidney on her behalf.

Her marriage had already been under strain, but this act of selflessness made her question everything she thought she knew about her relationship. What began as a gesture of gratitude quickly evolved into something deeper, and she found herself at a crossroads. Now, having filed for divorce, she faces harsh judgment from those around her.

Was this a case of following her heart, or did she make a reckless decision? Read on to see why this story has ignited passionate opinions from all sides.

A woman divorces her husband after developing feelings for the man who saved her life by donating a kidney

Woman Divorces Husband For The Man Who Saved Her Life With A Kidney
not the actual photo

'AITAH for divorcing my husband for a man who gave me a kidney?'

I (43F) have a genetic kidney condition and I lost the function of both of my kidneys a couple of years ago.

I was on dialysis and on the transplant list. I never drank alcohol or did anything to exacerbate my disease. It’s just luck of the draw.

My husband John (49M) refused to get tested. It’s his choice and I can’t make him.

I have a friend Sam (34M) who donated his kidney.

He didn’t directly donate to me because we were not compatible but it was part of a kidney chain.

Because of him, I was able to get a kidney.

I thanked him profusely because he literally saved my life. We had not been close friends and I asked him why he decided to donate.

He told me that he always harbored affection for me but did nothing because I was married.

When he found out I needed a kidney, he didn’t want me to die.

It turned my world upside down. I did not want to engage in an emotional affair so when I did question my feelings for my husband,

I immediately went for separation. I was happier apart from John. I filed for divorce.

John was blindsided and devastated at what I had done. People I know have called me cold for what I had done. AITAH?

According to psychological research on serious illness and intimate relationships, facing life‑threatening health challenges can significantly reshape how couples view their bond and emotional support structures.

Serious chronic conditions or the experience of needing transplant surgery are not only medical challenges but emotional upheavals, they prompt both partners to reassess meaning, support, and long‑term stability within the relationship.

Some couples strengthen their connection through shared coping efforts, while others find the stress exposes deeper dissatisfaction or unmet emotional needs.

Studies on living kidney donation similarly show that transplant experiences can profoundly influence donor–recipient dynamics.

While many donors report psychosocial benefits such as improved self‑esteem and a strengthened sense of purpose, donation also introduces complex emotional expectations, especially around gratitude and relationship roles, that may not align with the recipient’s experience.

The act of donation does not automatically resolve underlying relationship tensions; instead, it can add a new layer of emotional complexity that both parties must navigate. (Kidney Care UK)

Kidney transplantation itself can significantly affect recipients’ psychosocial adjustment, altering identity, lifestyle, and interpersonal relationships long after the surgery.

Research indicates that those awaiting a transplant often experience higher psychological distress compared to donor candidates, reflecting the emotional burden of chronic illness and mortality risk. (Frontiers)

These findings suggest that the OP’s emotional response to her transplant is not merely impulsive or self‑centered.

Her experience highlights how life‑threatening illness and the profound gratitude connected to survival can trigger deep emotional reevaluations, especially in long‑term relationships where stress, unmet needs, or communication gaps already existed.

Understanding these psychological layers adds nuance to the ethical and emotional complexity of her decision.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

This group agreed that the husband’s refusal to get tested for a kidney match revealed a lack of love and care, justifying the divorce decision

Adventurous-Sand6711 − NTA- “I was happier apart from John” is what my decision is based on.

Going through life altering and life and death situations changes a person.

Knowing your husband, the person who is supposed to be your person, wouldn’t even consider being tested

and a friend said I couldn’t let you die if there was something I could do to prevent it is a big eye opener, gut punch moment.

My mom was a match for my dad.

I was very involved as a support person tagging along for the intensive testing

and then there for my Dad during surgery and recovery until my Mom could take over.

Every time they asked a variation of why are you doing this, her answer was always- I love him.

If there is anything I can do to save his life and increase his quality of life I’m going to do that.

It also increases my quality of life in turn because I get to be with him longer….

I can’t imagine watching my loved one deteriorate (dialysis is rough) and not step in.

I did not qualify or else I would have tested as well. So- go get your second chance and make the most of it.

Cocoasneeze − NTA While it was absolutely your ex's right not to get tested for kidney match,

it also was your right to end your marriage for whatever reason you wanted to.

[Reddit User] − Nta, you were going to die and your husband didnt want to bother with a test.

That's colder than you leaving him for the man that saved you. Good luck and forget all those asshoooles.

Life gave u another chance make the best of it.

so_effing_casey − NTA! !! In 2017, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Husband at the time was not supportive.

I slept on the couch, he wouldn't touch my bald head because it "freaked him out."

he would drive me the four hours to my chemo appointments and drop me off - he refused to stay and sit with me

because they gave me sedatives during chemo and he didn't want to "watch his wife nod off like a heroin addict".

I made it through chemo and beat the cancer, and a few months later, I left him and never looked back.

Cancer gave me back my life and showed me that it was ok to find my happy and I knew it wasn't with him.

Literally two months later I found the person that I was always meant to be with.

Life is a crazy roller coaster , but it's way more fun when you are sitting with someone who wants to ride with you

even on the scary parts! Good for you, OP find your happy and never look back!!!

CrystalQueen3000 − NTA Even if you take Sam out of this equation, your husband refused to get tested to see if he was a match,

and sure that’s his right and he’s under no obligation to do it

but that also shows a lack of love and care that you’d hope a spouse would have for you.

It doesn’t surprise me that you reevaluated and chose to leave him.

These commenters highlighted that the refusal to even try and save the wife’s life was an unforgivable act, showing a clear lack of commitment in the marriage

AtLeastImRecyclable − NTA. “In sickness and in health, until death do us part”. He wouldn’t even get tested for you.

Bricktop72 − NTA. I expect you and the new guy to have a hot mess of a relationship

but it will still be better than whatever you had with the ex. Wouldn't even get tested??

For his sick wife? WTF? That screams "I want you dead but I'm too lazy to k__l you myself."

This group pointed out the double standard, emphasizing that the husband’s indifference to his wife’s life was far colder than the divorce itself

ThrowawaySunnyLane − NTA. You divorced someone because “I was happier apart from John”.

Life is too short to be unhappy. That doesn’t need to be linked to you getting a kidney from someone else.

And even if you pursued Sam, you’re allowed as a single woman.

Kittytigris − So it’s cold that you dumped your husband who refused to even get tested and see if he could save your life

but it’s not cold for your husband to refuse to get tested and see if he could potentially save his wife? LOL!!!

He was willing to let you die instead of doing a simple thing and get tested.

All you did was divorce him. I don’t see a difference for your ex.

If you did passed, he was going to be alone anyway thanks to his selfishness.

cuntyfox − NTA. your husband didn’t care enough to try and save your life

why should you care enough to try and save the marriage? i’m rooting for you and Sam

These users empathized with the emotional struggle of kidney transplant recipients, expressing support for the OP’s decision to move forward

soph_lurk_2018 − NTA if it was up to your husband, you may have died.

He was fine with the idea of losing you. You just sped the process up by filing for divorce.

[Reddit User] − Potato wedges probably are not best for relationships.

butt3rflycaught − NTA. Fellow kidney transplant recipient here (10 years ago) and I feel you! It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.

I feel eternally grateful for the people who came forward to get tested for me.

I ended up getting a cadaver donor as it was a good match and I was so relieved I didn’t have to be in debt

to a friend/family member the rest of my life. It was a really conflicting emotional time.

Hope the kidney is doing well and you’re settling into the new chapter of your kidney journey!

SilentJoe1986 − NTA. What's cold is your husband at the time wouldn't even get tested, he would rather see you die.

While her decision to divorce wasn’t easy, it was clear that the husband’s refusal to get tested spoke volumes.

Many Redditors agreed she had every right to leave, given the emotional abandonment she felt. But some still wonder whether a change of perspective could have saved the marriage. What do you think? Was she wrong for choosing Sam over her husband? Share your thoughts below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 27/34 votes | 79%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 1/34 votes | 3%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 2/34 votes | 6%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 3/34 votes | 9%
Need More INFO (INFO) 1/34 votes | 3%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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