Holiday season often feels like the most magical time of year. But for many families, it also marks the beginning of the great schedule shuffle. When adult children get married, they suddenly have twice as many parents to visit. Deciding where to spend Christmas Day becomes a puzzle that some find impossible to solve without a few bruised feelings along the way.
A father recently took to the internet to share a very relatable struggle. His son recently got married and announced a “new tradition” that sets the holiday schedule in stone. While the dad appreciates seeing his son on Christmas Eve, he feels left out of the main event on the big day itself. He is left wondering if he should speak up for fairness or just accept his new role in the family hierarchy.
Let us take a look at how this festive friction is playing out.
The Story
It is so easy to see both sides of this coin, and my heart really goes out to this dad. On one hand, you want your children to grow and build their own lives. You want to be the supportive parent who cheers from the sidelines. But it is also natural to feel a pang of sadness when a lifetime of traditions starts to shift so suddenly.
Christmas Eve is a beautiful time, but there is something about the “day itself” that feels symbolic of family priority. The dad’s worry about future grandkids makes perfect sense because habits established now often stick for a decade. It’s a delicate dance between being flexible and feeling like you’re missing out on the core of the celebration. It seems like the true goal here is finding a balance that feels like a hug rather than a chore.
Expert Opinion
Transitioning into the “empty nest” or “in-law” phase of life requires a lot of emotional flexibility. Psychologists often point out that holiday conflict usually stems from unmet or unexpressed expectations. In the first year of a marriage, a couple is working hard to establish their own “Rituals of Connection,” a term coined by The Gottman Institute. These rituals help newlyweds feel like a unified team.
However, a study mentioned in Psychology Today explains that the first holiday after marriage can feel like a “grief” process for parents. They are losing the traditional holiday they’ve known for decades. The pressure to share can feel like a loss of importance. While 10% to 15% of couples actually find it easier to host, many choose one side to avoid the stress of “making the rounds.”
Clinical psychotherapist Deanna Brann suggests that parents shouldn’t take it personally. She notes that “adult children have the right to create their own traditions.” But she also admits that if one side always gets the big day, it can lead to real resentment. Neutral advice often focuses on the “long game.” It’s more about the quality of the connection than the specific date on the calendar.
Experts at VeryWellMind suggest that if parents do speak up, they should use a “curious” tone rather than a “demanding” one. Asking “How did you arrive at this plan?” is often better than saying “This isn’t fair.” A 2023 report on holiday stress showed that flexibility is the number one predictor of a happy family season. The best approach is often to create a new, exciting tradition on the days you do have them. This makes those moments feel like a “win” rather than a backup plan.
Community Opinions
Netizens had a lot to say about the father’s feelings. Many users shared their own experiences with holiday exhaustion and the struggle of pleasing every parent.
Several users mentioned that asking for a change could backfire if handled too forcefully.
![[Reddit User] − I mean you can ask, but they can say no too. And why don’t you go visit them? Why always make them come to you? The door...](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1767932481269-5.webp "The Holiday Fairness Fight: One Dad Wonders if Alternating Years is the Only Solution")
Many commenters defended the couple by pointing out how draining it is to visit multiple houses in one day.
A few readers reminded the father that family love isn’t restricted to December 25th.
Some warned the OP that keeping score on holiday visits could damage his bond with his son.
How to Navigate a Situation Like This
When holiday schedules feel a little unbalanced, the best path forward is open, non-judgmental communication. It is completely okay to let your children know that you value your time together. You can say something soft, like, “We really love having you both for the holidays. Would you be open to a schedule where we switch things up occasionally?”
Remember that their decision likely isn’t a reflection of their love for you.[5] Often, it’s just about logistics, driving distances, or matching their siblings’ schedules. If they do say no, try to embrace Christmas Eve with everything you have. Make it so special and relaxed that they look forward to it as much as Christmas Day. Focus on the connection rather than the calendar.
Conclusion
In the end, families are all about love and flexibility. This dad is navigating a very big change, and it’s okay for that to feel a little bit uncomfortable at first. Building new traditions takes time, and sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find what works for everyone.[1][8]
What do you think of this holiday dilemma? Is an alternating schedule the only way to be fair, or should the kids get the final word? We would love to hear how your family handles the big “Christmas Day” schedule!
