Man Learns His Wife Lied About A Miscarriage And Secretly Had An Abortion

Trying for a baby is often seen as a shared dream, one built on trust, honesty, and mutual commitment. When both partners believe they are on the same page, it can feel like nothing could go wrong.

For this Redditor, that belief was shattered after learning that a devastating event from months earlier was not what it seemed. While he thought he was supporting his wife through an unimaginable loss, new information surfaced that changed the meaning of everything they went through together.

The revelation left him questioning his marriage, his role in the decision, and whether love alone is enough to move forward. Caught between empathy and deep hurt, he turned to the internet for advice. Keep reading to see what unfolded and why commenters are sharply divided on how he should respond.

A husband is left reeling after learning his wife hid the truth about ending a pregnancy

A breach of trust can feel as devastating as the original loss itself. The husband wasn’t just grieving what he believed was a miscarriage; he was grieving a future he and his wife had planned together.

When he later learned that the child had actually been aborted and that he was lied to, that grief became tangled with the shock of deception. The combination of loss and betrayal often amplifies pain far beyond what either alone would cause.

Psychologically, betrayal wounds are not equivalent to ordinary hurt. Relationship science defines deception as a major relational transgression, a violation of unspoken rules of honesty that partners typically rely on in intimate relationships. Even in committed, long-term couples, discovering a lie of this magnitude can profoundly weaken trust and attachment.

Experts describe the emotional impact of deception in relationships as something that can shake a person’s sense of reality and safety. When someone trusted with one’s emotional and relational future lies about something deeply personal, like a pregnancy, it can cause intense distress, confusion, and identity disruption.

Research in family and couples therapy contexts shows that secret-keeping and deception can lead to lowered trust, lingering suspicion, and a disrupted sense of security within the relationship.

Psychological research on betrayal trauma further explains why this situation feels so damaging.

Betrayal trauma occurs when someone experiences a profound breach of trust by a close partner, and it can produce emotional responses similar to trauma because it undermines fundamental assumptions about safety, predictability, and mutual regard in a relationship.

This kind of trauma is not limited to infidelity; it can arise from any significant deception within an intimate relationship.

For the husband, the shock of the truth likely triggered not just grief but a sense of disorientation and psychological injury: the future he believed he was jointly shaping was suddenly revealed to have been based on a lie.

Betrayal trauma research highlights that such experiences can lead to intense anger, anxiety, loss of trust, and difficulty in future relationship engagement, even when the partner’s intention was not malicious.

A separate perspective is how continued secrecy compounds damage. Psychology Today explains that the longer a lie is kept, the greater its emotional cost when revealed. Secrets and deception block true intimacy and erode trust, often causing deeper hurt than the original act the truth was meant to hide.

In this context, the husband’s feelings, anger, shock, disbelief, confusion, are not only understandable but consistent with what psychological research identifies as common reactions to deep deception in a relationship.

This situation doesn’t hinge on who “was right” or “had the legal right” to make choices independently. It hinges on why the choice was concealed and how that concealment has affected mutual trust, which is foundational to marital partnership.

A realistic way forward, according to relationship specialists, isn’t about forcing forgiveness or pushing for reconciliation immediately. Trust that has been deeply shaken generally requires space, transparent communication, and often professional support to rebuild.

Couples counseling with a therapist experienced in betrayal and trauma can create a structured environment for both partners to express hurt, understand motivations, and determine whether healing together is possible.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

These commenters say the abortion itself isn’t the issue, but the deliberate miscarriage lie destroyed trust and partnership

This group urges therapy and deeper discussion, noting the situation suggests a serious mental or emotional crisis

These Redditors believe the marriage is likely over because trust is fundamentally broken

This group suspects cheating or hidden motives, arguing the timeline feels deeply suspicious

Many readers agreed that the heartbreak here is grief tangled with disbelief. Some felt the marriage might survive with therapy and radical honesty, while others believed trust had been permanently damaged.

Can love endure when one partner mourns a loss that wasn’t what it seemed? Or does healing require walking away from a truth too heavy to carry together? What would you do if you were in his place? Share your thoughts below.