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Mom Realizes She Was Guilt-Tripping Her Son After a Major Therapy Breakthrough

by Charles Butler
January 25, 2026
in Social Issues

Letting go is perhaps the hardest lesson any parent has to learn. We spend eighteen years protecting, guiding, and keeping our children close. Then, almost overnight, we are expected to step back and let them fly. It is a transition that leaves many parents feeling a mix of pride and profound loneliness.

Sometimes, that loneliness can manifest as control. A mother previously shared her struggle with her son moving away, admitting she used guilt to try and pull him back. It was a raw and honest admission that drew a lot of criticism. However, she recently returned with an update that is nothing short of inspiring. It involves a new therapist, a realization about her own childhood, and a very symbolic decision to finally get a pet.

This story is a gentle reminder that it is never too late to grow.

The Story

Mom Realizes She Was Guilt-Tripping Her Son After a Major Therapy Breakthrough
Not the actual photo

AITA for wanting my son to move back closer to his family?

Hi, this is my 1st post on Reddit, and English is not my language so I apologize for the mistakes I will probably make.

I'm 56F and I live with my husband (64M). We only have 1 son, 33M, who currently lives abroad and we see once a year,

as it's very far away and expensive to go. We live in a small town, he moved away when he was 18 for college

and never came back. We expected him to move back after he graduated, but he decided to stay where he was, since he already had a job

and a girlfriend there (they got married). Our town is close to our state’s capital where his work field is very strong.

Ever since his senior year in college I've been trying to convince him to move closer for a better career and to stay close to his family,

he never showed interest, which I find it odd, specially since his wife also works on the same field. 4 years ago, they moved abroad.

I felt betrayed when he told me, he was already living 3 hours away from us, why would he choose to go even further to another country,

but not the city right next to us? I never told anything besides let them know me and his father are always here if they needed us.

Until recently, things were "fine", I miss him a lot, we text everyday but we don't get to speak to each other often.

The problem is my father (84M) whose health took a dive and is very fragile. And with my son living so far, he is missing a precious time

he could be spending right here, his grandad is not likely to live many years now. I told the news to my son and he was sad about it,

and he came to see us and left a week ago. I was honest with him, I said his grandfather will not stay with us for so long,

and since he lives so far away, he will lose the opportunity to stay close and enjoy the time he has left. He was not happy about

me touching this matter, he said I was trying to guilt him into moving back. I asked him why he was doing this to me, why doesn’t

he miss me and his dad? We are getting old and he is only seeing us once or twice a year. It’s cruel to us. He said he

missed us, but he is happy where he is and does not plan on moving back, and he and his wife are already making plans on buying

a house where they live. I couldn't take it and I burst out crying, I told him I felt abandoned, that he didn't seem to care for

us and he should enjoy his family while he can because we will not be here forever. I asked what makes him think he cannot be happy

living here, he didn't respond. The few days after this were very awkward and after he left, he seems to be even more distant, avoiding me

and being very short on his texts. Yesterday his wife called and said my son was feeling bad and told her what happened. She called me

an AH and said I had no right trying to manipulate him like that, and I should be ashamed. I don’t think I’m the AH for wanting

my son closer to me, they are the AH for abandoning family behind. And I’m including her as well, since she did the same (I talk

to her mother often and she is on my side) Edit: I didn’t realize we could edit the original post, I just want to add some

information. I’m not asking my son to sell his happiness just to be by my side. I just can’t see why he needed to be

so far away, while he and his wife could have wonderful careers around our area. They could earn more money while staying close to family,

it’s illogical for me to think about anything different. 2. Some are under the impression I gave up my life to become his mother, and

that’s not true. I had my own career, and a good one. I worked hard to give my son the best I could. I retired

6 years ago. 3. I realize the is a very strong cultural background where we come from. Family is expected to stay close, my son

was the first member of my family that decided to move to somewhere so far away that makes visitations once every 2 weeks or even

once a month impossible to do. 4. I don’t expect to be taken care of when I get old, me and my husband already talked

about this, and unless my son wants to, we will not ask him to take care of us. 5. Just to clarify, I am not

Indian. While I love India and I've been there once with my husband, I just want to clarify I'm South American. My son currently lives

in North America. Edit 2: I think I'm getting it - it's really cultural. Most people here seem to be from the USA, and I

understand it's really normal for families to be separated after children move to college, and they see each other just once a year at Christmas

or Thanksgiving, for example. I was raised to believe family should stick together, I raised my son to have the same values, and I

expected him to keep this tradition, but has broken it. It's not his fault but I will never understand this decision. Edit 3: This will

probably be the last time I'm editing the post. I realized that I will never understand my son's motivations to move away, and I will

also never understand why he "broke free" from our culture of family closeness. No, I am completely unable to see the world how he

does, and I just have to accept it. I am still feeling abandoned, neglected and I'm resenting his decisions. I think he is ungrateful and

I will probably rethink our will. That said, I have to accept he adopted a new culture, and that is just who he is now.

He changed. And I'm not able to change him back. So I take the judgment, and I will work with what I have from now

on. Just to add some extra info - I'm rethinking my will because, why should I leave everything for him, since he chose to be

far away? His cousins are all nearby and they help us when we need them, I'm closer to them now than I am to my

son. I'm not taking him off the will, I'm just not going to leave everything to him. He gets to live where he wants, far

away from us, and I get to choose whoever goes on my will. Choices right?

EDIT 4: I AM NOT WRITING HIM OFF MY WILL - I WAS ANGRY, FRUSTRATED AND SAD WHEN I WROTE THAT.

I never expected him to give up his LIFE for me All want is my son to be close to his family.

That's just it. I don't know why it's so difficult for you people to see my point:

my son had everything he could possibly need to be successful, start a family and STILL STAY CLOSE, but he chose to MOVE TO

ANOTHER COUNTRY how am I supposed to feel? I am proud he is a good professional, a good husband and I'm happy to have helped

him pave this road. still I think he is a horrible person for choosing to stay away. to be honest, he didn't even need

to live right next to us, he could have simply stayed 3 hours away. this way we could at least visit him often, or plan

any activities together all you people say is "his decisions, his life, his choices" - I GET IT, BUT HOW IS IT SO EASY FOR

YOU ALL TO DISMISS WHERE I'M COMING FROM? WHY did he need to go to ANOTHER COUNTRY? Yes I am assuming he did that

just to stay away from us, which makes him a horrible son as clingy as I may be, I come from a place of LOVE.

I've always let him know I love him, and I've always thought about the best for him - but at the same time, am

I REALLY THIS WRONG to expect some closeness? he never starts conversations, I'm the one who sends the texts if I don't tell him

the new about his relatives, he doesn't ask. how am I supposed NOT to feel abandoned? seriously? I don't know what else to say.

EDIT 5 lots of comments asking why don't I move closer to him instead: I will not do to my own parents what he is doing to me

Even if I didn't have my parents, I'm unable to get a permanent visa

Update: Since my last post, I: 1. Improved relationship with my son and and his wife. 2. Switched therapists.. 3. Started treatment for my anxiety and depression. 4. Lost my

father Things started to turn around when I decided to change therapists and went on a few sessions with the new one. Their approach

allowed me to come to terms with the fact that my son's values, perspective on the world, and life objectives will never align with

mine - and that's OK. It was a tough realization, but an important one. During therapy, I also discovered that my anxiety was (way)

more off than I thought, and I never treated it. I started taking medication. After a few months, I was feeling a lot better

about my son living away from me. Moreover, my therapist helped me understand a crucial aspect of my life: I had been living under

the weight of guilt, giving up on so many plans for the sake of my own parents. A silly example? When my husband and

I got married, I wanted to get a cat, but my father always HATED cats. I thought to myself, "My father despises felines..."

it wouldn't be fair to him to have a cat in our home, what if they come to visit? I wouldn't be a good

daughter". When I recounted this story to my therapist, they were shocked on how normal I thought that was. This was just one

of many instances where guilt dictated my decisions. Both of my parents were masters at instilling guilt, and I had internalized it over

the years. Main point of the original post: I wanted my son to continue living close to me, he didn't. In my misguided

attempts to enforce my desires, I resorted to guilt-tripping him repeatedly (it's how I've been taught, it's what I knew). I now see how

wrong and unhealthy that behavior is. While I may never fully understand or relate to the idea of living far away from family

(STILL HURTS), I've come to accept that this is my issue to grapple with, not my son's burden. I am determined to confront this

challenge alone and refuse to allow it to dictate my happiness. After my father passed - it happened suddenly - my son wanted to

come to his funeral, but it would be so exhausting for him, not to mention expensive. So I told him there was no

need to come, he could stay and we would get together and remember grandpa another time. I was surprised with myself, in other

times I would have guilted him into coming as fast as he could. In conclusion, I want to thank those who were respectful for

the wake-up call and the discussions that unfolded from my initial post. It has been an enlightening journey of self-discovery and growth. I'm

committed to continuing my progress and learning how to prioritize my own well-being while respecting the autonomy and choices of those around me..

EDIT: Thank you everyone for this awesome reception of my post, I wasn't expecting this much love. I want to take some time

and reply to each comment, but I'll address one point that everyone seems to be commenting:. YES! My husband and I will adopt

a cat!! We need to secure our house first, we plan on keeping it indoors for its safety, so we will catify

the environment the best we can (I've been watching a lot of Jackson Galaxy videos)

I have to say, this update felt like a warm hug. It is so rare to see someone on the internet actually take harsh feedback, sit with it, and do the hard work to change. Usually, people double down and get defensive, but this mother chose to look in the mirror instead.

The detail about the cat is what really got to me. It seems like such a small thing, but it represents decades of living for someone else’s approval. The fact that she denied herself a furry friend just because her father didn’t like them, even in her own married home, shows just how deep those roots of guilt went. Seeing her finally choose her own happiness is a victory for everyone who has ever felt like a “people pleaser.”

Expert Opinion

This story is a powerful illustration of breaking what psychologists call “generational trauma” or “intergenerational patterns.” Often, the way we parent is a direct reflection of how we were parented. If guilt was the primary language of love in one generation, it naturally flows into the next unless someone bravely decides to stop the flow.

According to Psychology Today, parents who struggle with “empty nest syndrome” often have underlying anxiety that they have never addressed. When the distraction of raising a child is removed, that anxiety bubbles to the surface. By seeking treatment for her depression and anxiety, the OP was able to separate her own needs from her son’s life choices.

Family systems theory helps us understand this further. Dr. Murray Bowen, a pioneer in family therapy, spoke about “differentiation of self.” This is the ability to be emotionally connected to others without losing your own identity. The OP’s realization that she was living under her father’s shadow, even regarding a cat, shows she is finally differentiating.

Dr. Nicole LePera, a holistic psychologist, often notes that “we repeat what we don’t repair.” By acknowledging that her guilt-tripping was a learned behavior, the OP is repairing that dynamic. She is giving her son the greatest gift a parent can give: the freedom to be himself without the burden of managing his parent’s emotions.

Community Opinions

The comment section turned into a massive celebration. The mood shifted from criticism to pure joy, with hundreds of people cheering on the OP’s personal growth and her future feline friend.

Everyone agrees that getting a cat is the ultimate symbol of her new freedom.
EmploymentBright9707 − Get yourself a cat, mama. They're healing :)

judgingA-holes − 1. Sorry for your loss 2. It's great that you have started these changes in your life. 3. You should get that cat!

hobbitkicker − Cats are so great for the soul (and blood pressure)! ... I wish you more breakthrough moments in therapy

and maybe even a f__ry feline companion as you heal yourself and your relationship with your son!

Emeraldgyal − Get that cat !!

Readers were deeply impressed by her ability to break the cycle of trauma.
Bananas4skail − ...The one thing that cuts / heals is that what you have gone through with your son

(as tough emotionally as it has been for you) is to break generational trauma. Your parents did it to you... but you raised a son who broke free.

DramaGirl6155 − OP I’m so glad that you were able to see that you weren’t getting the help you needed from your therapist and found a different one.

You weren’t just dealing with cultural, but generational differences and that’s not an easy bridge to gap on your own.

The community applauded her for switching therapists and doing the hard work.

curly_lox − Wow, that is so much growth! Congratulations on doing that very hard work in therapy. I'm proud of you!

[Reddit User] − My mum needs to see your therapist

Zestyclose-Custard-2 − What a heartwarming update. I’m so glad you’re able to be okay with your son’s choices, I hope you continue to feel better and better.

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

If you are a parent struggling with a child moving away or making choices you don’t understand, it is helpful to look inward first. Ask yourself: “Am I reacting to their safety, or am I reacting to my own loneliness?”

It is wonderful to fill that new space in your life with things that are just for you. Rediscover hobbies, reconnect with old friends, or yes, get that pet you always wanted. When you fill your own cup, you rely less on your children to fill it for you. This actually brings you closer, because your time together becomes about connection rather than obligation.

Conclusion

This update is a beautiful testament to the fact that we are never “done” growing. Even after decades of habits, we can change the script of our lives. The OP found that by letting go of her son, she actually found herself.

What do you think about her decision to tell her son not to come to the funeral? Is it a sign of true growth? And most importantly, what kind of cat do you think she should get? Let us know your thoughts!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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