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Mom Blames Teen For Dad’s Death, Then Freaks Out When She Moves Out

by Leona Pham
January 28, 2026
in Social Issues

Growing up in a blended family can already feel complicated, but things get even harder when old grief and resentment never fully disappear. When everyone is under the same roof, small actions can take on much bigger meanings, especially when boundaries are ignored again and again.

In this case, a 17-year-old girl is living with her mom, stepfather, and two much younger half siblings. She has a long-term injury that affects her mobility and she relies on a cane to get around.

Lately, her family has come up with creative ways to keep the younger kids entertained at home, but one choice in particular leaves her feeling powerless and dismissed.

After trying to speak up and being shut down in a cruel way, things spiral fast. What happened next caused a major family blowup and left her questioning whether she crossed a line. Keep reading to see how it unfolded.

A disabled teen grows uneasy at home when her family treats her cane like a game prize

Mom Blames Teen For Dad’s Death, Then Freaks Out When She Moves Out
not the actual photo

AITA For Moving Out Cause My Family Keeps Playing With My Cane?

So I (17F) still live with my mom, my step-dad, and my two half-siblings (5M and 7F).

My dad died when I was 5, driving me to the hospital (Mom didn't want to pay for an ambulance).

He died in the crash and my leg and spine got busted up in a way that has left me needing a cane pretty much ever since.

My step-dad's always been a little distant with me, he likes to make jokes about how I'm an 'early blooming black widow'.

I think he gets that from my mom, who blames me for my dad's death.

I do, it is my fault after all, so I don't push back on it. Anyway, the point is that with the current situation,

my parents are always looking for ways to get my half-siblings active and doing things without leaving the house,

and have recently settled on scavenger hunts.

I have no problem with this, honestly. I wish they'd stop hiding stuff in my underwear drawer,

but it's a 5 y0 and a 7-year-old, so that's not the worst.

My problem, though, is that they keep taking my cane when I'm not looking

(I tend to get lost in my homework and my writing hobby and zone out)

and having it be one of the items that my half-siblings have to find.

When I complain to my step-dad (he's a SAHD, so is usually the one running these things)

he scolds me for being selfish and points out that my swivel chair has wheels

if I need the bathroom and that they always get it to me before I have to go downstairs for dinner.

I tried my mom yesterday, and she said that I was being a brat and that if I wanted a father who cared about me,

I shouldn't have killed my dad. I got really upset at that point and called my grandparents

(my mom's parents, Dad's are dead too). They showed up at 10 PM yesterday, and Grandma screamed at them

while Grandpa packed my stuff up and helped me out to their car.

My mom's been blowing up my phone and email, calling me all sorts of names

and accusing me of turning her family against her and trying to get her in legal trouble since minors can't move out.

And I can't help but think that maybe she's right, so. AITA?

EDIT: I would just like to say thank you to everyone who's taken the time to comment and try to reassure me that

I'm not the a__hole. I can't reply to all of you, I lack the energy and I have homework, but I'm reading them all

and I really appreciate it! You've...given me a lot to think about, and I do thank you.

EDIT 2: I Uhm...Wow. That's...that's a lot of support, and a lot of messages. Too many for me to reply to, I'm sorry.

Thank you all so much. I promise that I do care what all of you have to say, and I'm reading every chat, comment, and PM.

I was so scared this wasn't going to go my way, so thank you, thank all of you.

Feeling heard, believed, and respected, especially within one’s own family, is fundamental to emotional safety. When pain is minimized or turned into a joke, the harm goes beyond hurt feelings and begins to erode a person’s sense of worth, security, and belonging.

In the story above, the teen wasn’t simply annoyed by her family’s scavenger hunt or frustrated that her mobility cane was “just a game piece.” She was living in an environment where her physical needs and emotional boundaries were routinely disregarded.

Each time her cane was taken, to be hidden, laughed about, or treated as a prop, her autonomy was undermined. More than that, she lived under a burden of guilt and blame for her father’s death, internalizing a harmful narrative her mother fed her.

This wasn’t ordinary family conflict; it was a pattern of emotional invalidation, where her real pain and legitimate needs were met with dismissal, blame, or outright ridicule rather than understanding and support.

According to articles in Psychology Today by clinical psychologists, when caregivers consistently minimize or dismiss a child’s emotions, the child learns that those emotions aren’t important or worthy of respect.

Emotional invalidation isn’t just a difference of opinion; it teaches a child that their inner experiences are incorrect or unworthy of attention, shaping a belief that “my feelings don’t matter.” This can leave long-lasting marks on self-esteem and emotional regulation.

PsychCentral explains that emotional invalidation, the act of rejecting, ignoring, or judging someone’s feelings, can leave people feeling “unimportant or irrational,” eroding trust in their own emotional experience.

With repeated invalidation, individuals can begin to doubt the legitimacy of their feelings and even suppress them, leading to distress, anxiety, and difficulties in relationships.

This expert insight helps clarify why the teen’s reaction was more than “sensitivity” or “overreaction.” When her legitimate emotional needs were consistently dismissed, replaced with jokes, blame, or minimization, it created psychological harm.

It’s not uncommon for someone raised in an invalidating environment to internalize guilt, suppress emotional expression, or feel as if their very needs are a burden. What looks like “selfishness” from the outside may actually be a well-masked response to a long history of emotional harm.

In situations like this, healing doesn’t come from more explanations or arguments. It comes from environments where one’s emotional and physical needs are acknowledged and respected.

For someone whose home life has been a source of chronic invalidation, seeking support, even outside the family, is not only understandable but often necessary for emotional and psychological well-being.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

This group firmly reassured OP that the father’s death was not her fault at all

BUTTeredWhiteBread − Oh honey no. You didn't k__l your dad. It isn't your fault.

Accidents are accidents because they aren't your fault.

Your mother is unbelievably awful for the way she has been treating you and allowing you to be treated.

Please stay with your grandparents. And if you have access, maybe seek out a therapist to help you work

through all this guilt you're holding onto.

More than anything, I send you hugs. Oh and, NTA. In any way, shape or form.

Do not go back to that abusive house.

ETA: aww cmon yall I'm sure there's people way more worthy of all your free awards, but thank you kindly.

Verity_Fox − NTA Your mother is straight up abusive. Your father's death is not your fault

and she is frankly completely awful for allowing and reinforcing those beliefs.

Your step dad is an a__hole too for taking a necessary aid from you.

If he wore glasses I'm pretty sure he wouldn't find it funny if you kept hiding them.

These people are toxic and cutting them out of your life may well be your best decision here.

oreganoca − NTA. First of all your father's death was absolutely NOT YOUR FAULT.

Your mother has behaved absolutely abhorrently towards you,

and it's downright horrific that anyone in your household thinks it's okay to take your cane

and leave you without means to get around your home easily.

Everyone in your household, except you, has behaved terribly. Good on you for getting out.

Please also talk to your grandparents about getting you into therapy.

You certainly have a lot of things to talk through and I think you would find it very helpful.

RVFullTime − NTA. You didn't cause your father's death or your own disabilities.

Mithrander_Grey − This post broke even my cold black heart. NTA at all. Also, let me repeat this.

Your father's death was NOT your fault. Best wishes, and I hope the future brings you healing.

rak1882 − NTA First of all, you didn't k__l your father. You aren't to blame for his death.

I've never hoped more in the history of my online life that something was a fake post.

But if you believe this- even a tiny bit, I want you to know that it isn't true and when you are ready/willing,

please talk to someone about this.

Second, it isn't okay for your mom or stepdad to have your siblings hide/play with your cane.

Maybe on occasion with your permission, if they want to see what it's like for you.

But that's it- use it and return it. Don't use it for a game. Your mom is mad because she finally got called on her behavior.

Beautiful-Concern144 − Woah. Sweetheart. You didn't k__l your dad. You were 5 years old and needed to go to hospital.

It wasnt your fault there was an accident. Your mum has been abusing you with this concept for so long

shes got you believing it and I really hope you get some therapy asap to see how utterly wrong she is.

I have a 5 year old daughter. NOTHING she could do would cause her to be in any way to blame for a tragedy like that.

Even if she was throwing a tantrum at the moment of the car crash, it wouldnt be her fault.

The adults involved are responsible for safety, not a 5 year old child.

Your stepdad needs to go to hell too. Stealing what you need to be able to walk, even temporarily, is massively abusive.

Stay with your grandparents. Never go back.

These Redditors condemned the mom and stepdad as abusive, cruel, and toxic

pnutbuttercups56 − NTA. First of all I'm very sorry for your loss and the situation with your step father and mom.

You are not responsible for your father's death. You were 5 and needed to go to the hospital.

Accidents happen but you are in no way responsible.

Your step dad is being neglectful and abusive by not making sure you have your cane.

Your mom has no right to say such awful things to you. Even if she is in pain about your dad dying.

Your grandparents were right to come and collect you.

Your mother's behavior is why your grandparents are upset it has nothing to do with you.

LaFlibuste − Wow, you whole family (grand-parents aside) really suck super hard (OK, the kids get a free pass, they're kids).

Your step-dad should really not touch your cane, ESPECIALLY after you've asked him not to.

And your mom! ... She's just so horrible all around, wow.

She's turning her family against her all on her own, she is a despicable person. NTA.

Also don't blame yourself for what happened to your dad.

Unless you yanked on the wheel to cause the car crash or something (and even then you were so young! ),

you are really not at fault for needing to be driven to the hospital.

I'm not sure what you had and if someone caused that, but there are a number of possible people at fault here:

whoever or whatever made you need to go to the hospital, your father for driving poorly,

maybe other drivers on the road, your cheap-ass mom for not wanting to pay for an ambulance,

possibly your country for making ambulance rides expensive, etc.

But you, one of the literal victims, a child who had done absolutely nothing wrong? No. You are blameless in this.

This group urged OP to stay with grandparents and seek therapy for healing

HoopJeanne − Wow. Is this for real? This is literally the most toxic post I’ve ever read on here.

It is 100% not in any way your fault that your dad died and you are deserving of love no matter what.

They should not take your means of mobility away from you ever.

You need to erect some serious boundaries between you and your immediate family.

Stay with your grandparents and seek counseling ASAP! NTA, no way, no how.

[Reddit User] − NTA Oh my, your mom has messed you up a lot. I’m going to refute several of your points,

but the TL: DR is that you really need to stay with your grandparents for a while. Fact 1: You did not k__l your dad.

Your mom has some culpability here since she didn’t want to pay for an ambulance,

but the rest is bad luck/bad driving/ bad circumstances. Let me repeat that: AS A CHILD, none of it was your fault. NONE!

Fact 2: A wheelie chair is not a replacement for a cane. That is ludicrous.

They are literally messing with your ability to be mobile FOR A GAME. That isn’t just wrong, it’s downright evil.

Fact 3: Any legal issues your mom is experiencing are because of her actions, not yours.

She is abusing you, full stop. You are simply no longer keeping her abuse a secret. But again, that’s not your fault.

She shouldn’t be doing anything that requires your silence.

Please get some therapy to undo the damage she has done. Life can be so much better for you.

Many readers felt this wasn’t a sudden decision, but the final step after years of quiet harm. While some focused on the cane itself, others saw it as a symbol of something deeper: a child whose needs were consistently dismissed.

Was leaving the only reasonable option once safety and dignity were gone? Or should family bonds outweigh even this level of hurt? How would you respond if a household game crossed into personal harm? Drop your thoughts below. This one has sparked a serious conversation.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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