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Man Says Wife Is “Selfish” For Breastfeeding Their Baby Instead Of Letting Him Get Equal Time

by Layla Bui
March 9, 2026
in Social Issues

When a baby enters the picture, both parents usually hope to share every precious moment together. But in reality, some parts of early parenting naturally fall more heavily on one parent than the other. That imbalance can sometimes create unexpected feelings of frustration or jealousy.

A new dad recently shared his story online after a disagreement with his wife about bonding time with their three month old son. Because she is breastfeeding, she spends much more time feeding and comforting the baby, while he feels like he is being pushed to the sidelines.

Wanting to change that dynamic, he proposed an idea that he thought would give him more equal time with the baby. Instead, it sparked a serious argument that left the couple at odds.

A new dad suggests switching to formula so he can bond more

Man Says Wife Is “Selfish” For Breastfeeding Their Baby Instead Of Letting Him Get Equal Time
not actual the photo

'AITA? For suggesting that my wife switch to Formula so I could have more time with our son?'

Hey y'all. Read carefully before giving judgement!

So my wife (F24) and I (M27) had our son 3 months ago.

Luckily as new parents we've had fewer issues compared to others in our family, BUT what really created an issue was

the fact that my wife gets wAyyyy more bonding time with my son than I do.

She breastfeeds and doesn't let me come anywhere near her while she's doing it, claiming she was already in pain and

I was making her stressed out with my behavior. She'd promise to let me have my bonding time once she's done,

but she takes a long time feeding, and then the baby goes to sleep, so I get pretty much...almost NO time to bond with him.

It all came to a head for me last night after my wife told me to leave the room while she was feeding our son

because I was "bothering" her and making her feel "stressed out... with my 'judgemental... comments,"

but I was just making sure she was feeding our son properly since she's dealing with stress and possible PPD,

and so I had to (not under doctor's recommendation, though, but following my mom's advice) be present

in every feeding session to make sure nothing goes wrong and... like I said before, maybe get a chance to bond with my son,

but it didn't end well, and I refused to leave the room. She tried to unload on me about how unsupportive and difficult

I was being but I told her she was wrong to exclude me and take away my attempt at bonding with my son and

that it's only fair that I get to have equal time she has with him and suggested that she switch to formula

so she has no way of keeping me excluded and again so I could get 50% of the time she has with him.

She called me unreasonable and explained that even though I'm the parent too,

she as a mother is essentially what our son needs and relies on, so her role is more important,

and she gets more time than I do simply because she's the mother...

Then she explained that my request was ridiculous because she is blessed to have almost no issues with BF and switching

to formula was absolutely uncalled for and can not be afforded right now, but I disagreed and argued

that she left me no choice and that she needs to respect whatever decision I make regarding our son even

if she doesn't like it and doesn't necessarily agree with it, but she argued back, saying I'm delusional to think

she'll just switch to formula to fix my hurt "feefees"... and even accused me of making this request

so Mom could meddle in and start feeding our son formula and have sleepovers since she was against her breastfeeding from

the start due to how weak she was before. This really had me...kind of...lose my cool, ngl. I told her that couldn't be further from the truth.

As a matter of fact, I strongly believe her refusal to consider switching to formula is mainly to spite Mom,

not because she thinks my request was "unreasonable...

Long story short, we kept going back and forth on this argument, and she told me to drop it, but I refused because,

in my opinion, she's being selfish by how she's treating me as the other parent.

Breastfeeding has long been recognized as one of the most beneficial practices for infant health and development. Medical organizations and public health experts consistently emphasize its importance during the early months of life because breast milk provides nutrients, immune protection, and developmental advantages that are difficult to replicate with other feeding methods.

Research highlighted by the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that exclusive breastfeeding for about the first six months of life is strongly recommended for most infants.

Breast milk contains a complex combination of nutrients, hormones, enzymes, and protective factors that help support healthy growth. Pediatric experts note that breastfeeding also contributes to important long-term health benefits for children.

One of the most significant advantages of breastfeeding is its role in protecting infants against infections and illnesses. Studies summarized by the American Academy of Pediatrics indicate that babies who are breastfed experience lower rates of respiratory infections, gastrointestinal illnesses, and ear infections compared with infants who are not breastfed.

Breastfeeding has also been associated with reduced risks of conditions such as sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), childhood leukemia, and inflammatory bowel disease. In addition, some research suggests that breastfeeding may support better neurodevelopmental outcomes, including improved cognitive performance later in childhood.

Another key factor is the immune protection that breast milk provides. According to information from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, breast milk naturally contains antibodies passed from mother to baby.

These antibodies help strengthen a baby’s developing immune system and provide protection against a range of illnesses during the early stages of life. Because newborn immune systems are still developing, this natural defense system plays an important role in helping babies fight infections.

Breastfeeding may also offer protection against certain chronic health conditions later in life. Evidence suggests that breastfed infants have a lower risk of developing asthma, obesity, and type 1 diabetes as they grow older.

Researchers believe these protective effects may result from the unique composition of human milk and the way it supports healthy immune and metabolic development.

Beyond physical health benefits, breastfeeding also supports emotional bonding between parent and child. Feeding time can create opportunities for close physical contact, which helps promote feelings of safety and attachment during the early months of development.

While breastfeeding is not always possible for every family, health organizations emphasize that supporting mothers who choose to breastfeed can have significant benefits for both infants and society.

By encouraging breastfeeding and providing accurate information and resources, healthcare professionals can help families make informed decisions about infant nutrition and early child development.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

These Redditors criticized OP for stressing his wife during breastfeeding and acting controlling

_iamtinks − YTA. Big time. Your wife isn’t taking a long time to feed the baby THE BABY TAKES THAT LONG TO FEED.

Your controlling, selfish behaviour is no doubt contributing to your wife’s stress.

Read carefully: when your wife and child are at their most vulnerable, you are putting your wants ahead of their needs.

You are absolutely the a__hole. You should immediately seek help from a psychologist to understand why you are behaving in this way.

CountDodo − YTA. As you said, the only reason why she doesn't want you there while breastfeeding is because you're criticizing

her during breastfeeding despite knowing it contributes to stress and that she was already stressed in the first place.

Why exactly do you think adding more stress during breastfeeding is a good thing for her or your child?

If you just chose to be supportive and quiet instead of judgemental there would be no issue.

happybanana134 − YTA. 'I was just making sure she was feeding our son properly' Yes, I can see

why she doesn't want you in the room when she's breastfeeding.

This might come as a surprise to you, but as a woman breastfeeding, she knows more about how this works than you do.

Stop being a nuisance. If you honestly believe your wife is breastfeeding solely to spite your mother, ask yourself

a) what has happened between her and your mother that would result in this and

b) why you married someone you have such a low opinion of. Read a damn book. Educate yourself on breastfeeding and weaning.

It's delusional to think you can just swap to formula and at 3months some medical professionals would advise against this.

She's absolutely right, this is all about you, not what's best for the baby.

These Reddit users blasted OP and his mother for interfering and showing major red flags

umuziki − YTA and so is your mom. There are so many red flags in your post.

1. Your wife isn’t “taking too long” to feed your child. THAT IS HOW LONG YOUR NEWBORN CHILD TAKES TO FEEL FULL.

It’s entirely dependent on how long the child takes. Your wife has nearly no control.

2. You are glossing over a really important aspect that your wife is able to breastfeed without any major issues.

That can be rare. I am a firm believed that Fed is best, but you ALWAYS start with b__ast.

It has everything your child needs for proper development without having to spend ANY money.

Formula can be expensive. Why add that to your budget simply because you want more time?

3. Your mother does not belong in this relationship. This is a partnership between you and your wife.

It sounds like you’re allowing your mom more access than she is entitled to.

Your mother is a mother but that doesn’t mean that how she raised a child is how you AND YOUR WIFE will raise a child.

4. Your wife had a baby. Your first sentence says my wife and I. Your wife had a baby.

You were in the room but you did not birth a human being.

The fact that you make it a we action annoys the s__t out of me.

5. You do not need to be in the room every time your wife feeds the baby. You know how you can bond?

Change their diaper. Help put them to sleep. Hold them when they are awake. My sister-in-law just had a baby last summer.

I stayed with them during the first couple of weeks after she gave birth and I felt like I bonded quite fine with my nephew.

I did everything household related while my brother and his wife did everything baby related.

I still got to hold and bond with my nephew a dozen times a day and that’s after my brother and his wife did too.

Feeding is not the only time to bond.

6. Your wife may have PPD but that’s not for you or your controlling mother to decide.

And if she does, you may likely be a heavily contributing factor. I suggest you see a counselor. Seriously.

Because this post sounds like you may be headed for divorce if you don’t stfu and leave your wife alone

while she’s doing what the universe intended for all new mothers to do. Good luck. You clearly need it.

ProgrammerBig6254 − You and your mother are the biggest A-holes I’ve seen around here for a while.

First and foremost - leave your poor wife alone. Secondly - STOP TAKING MEDICAL ADVICE FROM YOUR MOTHER!

Thirdly I see so many red flags here I literally feel sorry for your wife and your child.

The first three months of an infant’s life are referred to as the “fourth trimester”.

You will have plenty of bonding time with your son, and you’re such a massive

AH for saying “respect any decision I make concerning my son” to your wife that if I would have been in her shoes,

I would leave you and take the baby with me.

ClareSwinn − You and your Mum are completely assholes and you are thinking only of yourself. Breastfeeding is best for your child.

YTA and I pity your poor wife, saddled with someone who has no shame in prioritising himself over a newborn.

Great_Clue_7064 − YTA and an entire parade of red flags.

Your son isn't just eating and sleeping at 3 months and your wife is not a competitor in your relationship.

She's a human being doing a really difficult job for your baby and you're being controlling so your mom can get what she wants.

These commenters advised OP to stop hovering and find other ways to bond with the baby

friedeggsandtoast − I think it’s great you want to bond with the baby, but it sounds like you’re being a little controlling supervising

your wife while she’s feeding. You shouldn’t involve your mom; you are her family, but this is YOUR family now.

I think YTA for suggesting formula for baby just so you can get some time in.

It’s not what’s best for the baby, and that should be your only concern.

fakemonalisa − Yes, YTA. Why are you involving your mother in this situation?

Her requests and suggestions have no place here. If you want to bond with your son... do it at a different time.

NotSoNaughtyNurse − YTA. I got anxiety FOR your wife just reading this. Breastfeeding isn't easy, even when it is.

Your mother suggesting you hover over your wife as your child's personal bodyguard is sending messages to your wife

that you do not trust her ability to care for your child or keep him alive. Plus, stress can literally tank your wife's milk supply.

I'm currently breastfeeding my second son, and yeah, it sucks for my husband,

but your wife is right... in this stage of your son's life, he needs her more.

They're still in the 4th trimester, where your son LITERALLY still thinks he's a part of your wife.

Your son doesn't yet understand the concept that Jr. is his own person.

Your mom is giving you poor advice, and you're doubling down on that poor advice.

It also sounds like you have PPD or PPA yourself. Is your son's pediatrician having both of you fill out

the depression and anxiety questionnaires when you take him to his appointments?

If not, please ask for one for yourself or go see your doctor. nPPD/PPA can affect dads too and is often undiagnosed.

Your son is 3 months old. You have a lifetime to bind with him.

Try getting him up from his naps, changing his diapers, and helping your wife in any way possible.

Then, when your son is no longer a potato and is interacting more, you'll have all the time in the world, and that time is coming up fast.

Right now, you're driving your wife away by being overbearing.

Unless you are truly worried your wife is going to purposefully starve your child or m__der him, leave her be to breastfeed!

If you are truly concerned, you need to bring those concerns to the doctors to get her help.

Feeding your son is not the only way to bond with him.

My husband loved holding him for naps when he was little, plus he then got to sit there for 2 hours and not do housework.

You need to ignore your mother and leave your wife alone while she breastfeeds!

It's stressful; making sure a baby gets and stays latched at this age is stressful.

If your son is peeing and pooping normally, your wife is feeding him properly and enough.

Tldr: YTA. Your son thinks he is literally part of your wife. If he's peeing and pooping normally, he's getting enough,

so please stop hovering over your wife, making her more anxious. Get yourself seen for possible PPD/PPA;

bond with him in a month or 2, but work on some bonding now by changing diapers and maybe holding him for naps.

This Redditor slammed OP for prioritizing his feelings over the baby’s health

[Reddit User] − YTA. You want to deprive your son of the BEST nutrition

that is full of disease-fighting antibodies (unlike formula) during a plague? You stress your wife to the point of tears

by being controlling and critical of something you can never ever be an expert on or do yourself.

You sit over her shoulder at every feed to "make sure she is doing it right"?

How the f__k would A MAN WITH NO TITS Do you know what correct breastfeeding looks like?

You aren't a woman. You will never ever understand what it is like to b__ast feed. You will never be an "expert" here.

Leave your wife alone. Only she knows her body best. Only she knows her breasts and how her baby feeds on them. Not you.

You have no idea. Not your body. You are ridiculous. Fair is not important here. The best interests of the baby is important.

And until formula can prevent and cure disease like breast milk, her tits are superior in every way.

You can't just abruptly change a baby's diet like that either.

Formula can cause b__ast fed babies stomach pain and upset. You want to hurt your son and make him sick for your ego?

And your mother has no entitlement to a baby that does not belong to her.

She makes zero decisions, and 3 months is way too young to be away from Mom. Your wife doesn't need a babysitter.

She needs to be left alone with her baby so she can do what nature intended her to do for billions of years.

Feed her a baby. With her body. And be a mother. Leave her alone. She's right. You are dead wrong and selfish.

You don't care about your kid at all, while she wants the very best for him. You put yourself first. Not your kid.

Your feelings are apparently more important than his health and development. A selfish father is a bad father.

Your wife is sacrificing her body, her sleep, her mental health, and her physical pain to make sure your kid has the best start in life.

And you want to b__ch and complain?

These commenters mocked OP’s statements and called his logic selfish and absurd

Amerdale13 − I had to be present in every feeding session

(not under a doctor's recommendation, though, but following my mom's advice). WTF?

She needs to respect whatever decision I make regarding our son even if she doesn't like it and doesn't necessarily agree with it.

WTF? I strongly believe her refusal to consider switching to formula is mainly to spite Mom. WTF?!? Yeah, YTA

iwanttoquitposting − YTA - “I disagreed and argued that she left me no choice and that she needs to respect

whatever decision I make regarding our son even if she doesn't like it” would be a horrible thing to say

if you had excellent critical thinking skills and weren’t acting selfish.

You have really bad critical thinking skills, and your actions are some of the most selfish I’ve ever seen on this sub.

[Reddit User] − YTA. I can't even believe what I'm reading.

This Reddit user sarcastically mocked OP for acting immature and childish

foozballisdevil − YT Go ask your mommy if you can bond with her.

Early parenthood is rarely picture-perfect. Between exhaustion, hormones, and brand-new responsibilities, even loving couples can find themselves arguing about things they never expected, like who gets more baby time.

In this situation, the father clearly wanted to connect with his newborn, but many readers felt the approach created more tension than closeness.

So what do you think? Was the dad simply desperate for bonding time, or did he cross a line by demanding a change in how the baby is fed? And if you were in this situation, how would you balance fairness with what’s best for the baby? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/1 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 1/1 votes | 100%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/1 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/1 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/1 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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