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Man Tells His Pregnant Wife “We’re Both Pregnant” Because He Works Longer Hours

by Layla Bui
March 16, 2026
in Social Issues

Every couple handles pregnancy differently. Some find ways to share the workload and support each other through the challenges, while others struggle to balance expectations when stress starts piling up. When exhaustion, work, and parenting responsibilities collide, even a casual comment can trigger a much bigger conflict.

That’s what happened when a father of soon to be four found himself arguing with his pregnant wife over household responsibilities. Feeling overwhelmed by work and daily demands, he tried to explain that he felt just as involved in the process as she was. His choice of words, however, landed badly.

Now the silent treatment has taken over their home and he’s asking the internet if his perspective makes sense or if he seriously misjudged the situation.

A husband sparks tension at home after claiming he and his pregnant wife share the burden equally

Man Tells His Pregnant Wife “We’re Both Pregnant” Because He Works Longer Hours
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my wife that we're BOTH pregnant?'

My wife (29f) and I (27m) do well financially, so we decided to have our fourth child.

Every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare.

Some things I can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning,

but when she starts demanding I go to the store every day to get her snacks or set up her foot bath thingy

because her feet are swollen, I get a little impatient.

I work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession

(I'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so I think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby.

And it's not like I don't help around the house, either. She does all the cooking and dishes, but I do laundry,

take out garbage, and mow the lawn (we pay someone to do the floors and bathrooms weekly).

My MIL comes over to help with the kids because she says I'm useless (ive been meaning to make a justnomil post about her),

and while I appreciate the help I'm sick of her crap.

Just because I want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean I'm "useless".

This all came to head yesterday when my wife screamed at me from the kitchen to get off my a**

and entertain our twins so she could focus on her meatloaf.

I made a dumb joke about how this is the third meatloaf we'll be eating this week, and she. lost. her. s__t.

She told me how I have no sympathy for the fact that she's pregnant,

I should be taking on more of her chores since I can't breastfeed,

but then I reminded her that I still work a lot more hours than her, so I think we're basically both pregnant.

She got really quiet, and has only spoken to me regarding the kids since.

I don't think I'm wrong but I'll apologize to her if it makes her happy. AITA here?

Edit: my wife does get breaks, guys. I set up the annoying foot bath thing every night while she does dishes

and then she relaxes with it while watching YouTube every night while I put the kids to bed.

She also won't eat my cooking because she grew up in southeast Asia and doesn't like American food. It's not my fault she's picky.

Edit 2: it's a Korean BBQ meatloaf she makes since some people pointed out meatloaf is typically American.

Anyway, my wife found this post and now she wants us to do couples counseling. Thanks for the feedback, guys.

Many relationship conflicts begin with a simple but powerful emotional reality: people want their effort to be seen and valued. When someone feels that their contribution is being minimized, frustration tends to build.

In this case, the husband likely believed he was expressing how much work and responsibility he carries for the family.

Long hours, physical labor, and helping with the children can make someone feel like they are sharing the burden of pregnancy in their own way. But pregnancy introduces a very different kind of strain, and when he said “we’re both pregnant,” his wife may have heard something very different from what he intended.

At the emotional core of this conflict is a misunderstanding of what pregnancy actually involves physically and psychologically. Pregnancy affects nearly every system in the body. Many women experience symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, swelling, fatigue, and sleep disruption that can make ordinary tasks much harder to manage.

According to medical guidance from the UK National Health Service, hormonal changes during pregnancy can cause exhaustion, sickness, and strong emotional shifts, especially during the early stages.

For someone experiencing those changes daily, the suggestion that a partner shares the same burden can feel dismissive rather than supportive.

A broader psychological perspective helps explain why moments like this escalate quickly. Pregnancy is not only physically demanding but also emotionally intense.

Research on prenatal health shows that stress, physical discomfort, and major life changes during pregnancy can significantly affect emotional well-being and relationships.

At the same time, studies also show that pregnancy hormones can influence mood and emotional regulation, meaning reactions may become stronger or more immediate than usual.

In other words, both partners may be operating under heightened stress, even if they experience it in different ways.

Seen through that lens, the husband’s comment was likely an attempt to express his own exhaustion and need for recognition. The problem was the phrasing. Saying “we’re both pregnant” equates two fundamentally different experiences.

A partner can absolutely share responsibilities, emotional investment, and stress during pregnancy. But the biological experience (nausea, hormonal changes, swelling, and physical strain) remains unique to the pregnant person.

This is why the wife’s reaction may have been less about the chores or the meatloaf argument and more about feeling that her physical reality had been minimized. When someone already feels sick, tired, and overwhelmed, even a small comment can sound like a lack of empathy.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

These commenters harshly criticized the husband for minimizing pregnancy

anabolic_beard − YTA You want to play video games instead of watch the kids?

You're irritated by what your wife is making dinner?

You think that things like waking up in the middle of the night because she's puking are analogous to waking up in the night to puke?

You're a huge major a__hole.

Now, your wife needs to handle some things better, but this is a stupid way and stupid plan to think this will fix it.

She's creating a living creature inside of her and let me assure you that s__t is way harder than whatever you have to do. My god man

teeny_gecko − YTA for this Some things I can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning.

Oh wow, a hero! Your wife must be so grateful that you deal with this, you're truly brave.

Also, you're not pregnant, your wife is. You have no idea what it's like and by the looks of it, you don't even care.

MsEngelChen − YTA your body isn't dealing with pregnancy, hers is.

I'm sorry you poor soul have to put up with the sound of her PUKING HER GUTS OUT. You sound like a real catch.

This group argued the husband was selfish and dismissive

DorothyZbornaksArmy − I'm having a hard time believing this is real but if it is: YTA, the giant, juicy a__hole, for all of the following:

Every single pregnancy we've been through my wife has been a complete nightmare.

Some things I can deal with, like waking up to the sound of her puking her guts out every morning.

Oh goodness, you're being woken up??

How dare she have the gall to puke her guts out at such an ungodly hour. SHE is the one doing the vomiting.

This is not equal. Get a grip. I work way longer hours than her in a much more physically demanding profession

(I'm a plumber, she's an engineer) so I think we're putting an equal amount of effort into this baby.

You will never be able to put an equal amount of effort into a pregnancy.

It's her body going through it, not yours. Stop trying to claim effort that you are not making.

Just because I want one hour of video games to myself a day instead of cleaning up messes in the kitchen doesn't mean I'm "useless".

You don't get a gold star for doing laundry and taking out trash while you're also leaving a messy kitchen

and refusing to help with anything for an hour a day because you need "you" time.

Not seeing any indication of your pregnant wife getting any "her" time.

You do not get to always have one hour a day for just yourself when you wife is pregnant and you have 3 children at home.

That's just the way it is. If this is a real post, you are coming across as selfish

and inconsiderate at best and a downright a__hole at worst. Help your wife.

Don't apologize to her to make her happy, apologize and f__king mean it. Think on this.

Think what she is going through physically to have another child and f__king treat her with respect and generosity.

I would have dumped you long ago if you were mine.

traveling_lime − YTA. Does your wife get an hour a day to play video games?

Managing children is tiresome and not a relaxation time. Why is she managing the children and cooking at the same time?

When someone else cooks for you, you say thank you and that's it.

Also, congrats on not being annoyed by the sound of her puking her guts out. (That was sarcastic).

mzfnk4 − YTA. Geez, YTA. Cooking and dishes are daily tasks. Mowing and taking out the garbage are much more infrequent tasks.

I'll give minor props for laundry. So now that we've established she does more at home than you do,

how about you drop the whole "I work more hours than she does" bit? You don't like having meatloaf for the third time that week?

Then get up and make something different. And she was cooking AND tending to twins?

Have you ever been pregnant while also having 3 kids already?

I only have 2 kids, but the second time around was much, much harder than the first.

You're tired more, things HURT more and much earlier too.

I can't even imagine how tired I would be with 3 kids and another on the way.

I also missed the part where you're physically carrying the child.

I don't think you can be pregnant unless you are growing a kid in your uterus.

These Redditors emphasized that pregnancy and childcare demand constant effort

JuanTanamera511 − YTA. You’re not pregnant. Not even close.

Also, upvoted because you don’t get to tell people how to respond to your post.

ConcertinaTerpsichor − YTA. Dealing with three young children 24/7 is a full time job, let alone housekeeping.

She already has a full time job as an engineer.

Are you really so checked out of fatherhood that you don’t notice what needs doing from moment to moment with the kids?

Get off your duff and mind your own children so they don’t get burned or bloody in the kitchen.

Her job is 24/7/365. Ask yourself when SHE gets an hour each day to rest and recuperate.

And are you kidding me? Taking out the trash comes every few days, mowing the lawn, etc even fewer.

You are not acting like a team player, but one of the biggest slackers I’ve ever heard of.

Delicious_Citrus − YTA. Massively. The amount of work she does is in no way equal to what you do.

Take the time you spend whining or playing video games to I don’t know, clean the dishes?

Take turns making dinner instead of bitching about the work she does while pregnant, nauseous and already working full time?

Spend meaningful time with your children?

I know it seems like this is equal to you, and you can think of a thousand justifications as to why you’re not that bad but dude

we’re making this judgement based solely on your words and your side of the story.

And you still come across as an a__hole. Step up and make some changes — your entire family’s lives will improve.

This group mocked the husband’s complaints and highlighted how unreasonable it sounded for him to seek sympathy while his pregnant wife struggles

attemptedly − YTA. Other than the fact that she cooks and cleans daily while taking care of your kids

and you sit back and complain (but you take out the trash and do the laundry ofc, what a hero).

You also clearly posted this because you wanted pity and not an honest answer,

and it’s very obvious by how you’re not responding at all and instead downvoting everyone

that calls you out for the sad excuse of a man that you are.

YTA, and your wife is clearly taking care of FOUR children while pregnant, good luck to her.

I hope she does see this and make your life hell.

curiouserthangeorge − YTA Let me get this straight: you were playing video games while your pregnant wife prepared a homemade meal.

Your young children were making her job harder but you had your video games so f__k her because you’re pregnant too??

So she lost it on your selfish ass and you complained about the homemade meal she was making? You’re totally the a__hole.

You need to reassess who you are in the marriage and whether you’re contributing in any kind of meaningful way.

Your wife is pregnant. Sick. (Which you have the absolute balls to complain about) working full time and caring for 3 young children.

Must be so exhausting laying in bed listening to her barf all morning.

Must be difficult to have your video games disrupted by your kids who want attention while your wife makes a homemade dinner. My god.

jaisaiquai − YTA, poor poor you having to listen to her throw up, how inconsiderate of her not to puke quietly,

to dare to disturb your precious ears while choking out stomach acid.

You are not pregnant, and you sound like a selfish partner. When does your wife get an hour a day to do what she wants?

These commenters stressed that pregnancy alone outweighs any chores he listed

[Reddit User] − My wife isn't sleeping, puking her guts up all night, it hurts her swollen feet to move around

while she has to deal with twins and another while carrying around the weight of another baby while she works.

But then on top of that she cooks food for me that I whine about...

But I work hard and do 3 chores a week compared to her doing cooking and cleaning daily, so piiiiitttttyyyyy me.

XD Aw man. Do you hear yourself?

[Reddit User] − YTA. You aren't putting equal effort into the pregnancy. She is literally physically pregnant.

You are literally not. She is puking her guts up. You are not (I know it sucks to listen to someone throw up but

it's still not as bad as actually throwing up). Her ankles are swollen. Yours are not. Her boobs hurt. Yours do not.

Her center of gravity is somewhere else right now. Yours is right where it's always been.

Nothing else really matters as far as your division of labor on this specific question.

Maybe it's fair, maybe it's not, maybe you both suck in general or maybe you're just both under a shitload of stress

cause you've got two hard jobs and three soon to be four kids and a house to keep after and life is hard right now.

She may be pregnant and unreasonable. She may be pregnant and short tempered.

But her unreasonableness or short-tempered-ness doesn't make you pregnant, and never will. Let her have being pregnant.

Different-Side − YTA. How do you think a little bit of housework and working makes you share her burden?

Being pregnant is a nightmare, which only ends when a baby literally rips it's way out of her.

You should be doing everything she asks and then some. She is literally making your child right now. Your momma didn't raise you right.

Some readers sympathized with the husband’s desire for balance. Many others felt he overlooked the physical reality of pregnancy entirely. The wife’s request for counseling may be less about blame and more about rebuilding understanding before their fourth child arrives.

So what do you think? Was the husband simply overwhelmed and clumsy with his words, or did his comment reveal a deeper lack of empathy? How should couples divide responsibilities during pregnancy? Share your thoughts below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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