When you join a group chat for adults looking to make friends, you expect a certain vibe — drinks, laughs, and maybe a bit of harmless chaos.
One woman thought she had found exactly that. Then she learned the upcoming park festival meetup included someone’s “pumpkin patch” — their two kids and two large dogs.
She immediately cancelled, politely saying she had misunderstood the vibe. The festival ended up being cancelled anyway due to weather, but since then her messages in the group chat get ignored. Conversations stall when she speaks up.
Now she is wondering if she was the asshole for backing out so obviously, or if she simply realized this group was not the right fit.
The 20-something woman had been chatting with the local adult friend group for a while. Everyone seemed fun, a little goofy, but generally put together.
She had missed earlier meetups due to her schedule, but she stayed active in the chat and was genuinely excited when she finally had a free weekend.
The plan was drinks at a free-entry open-air concert and festival in the park. It sounded perfect.Then one parent casually mentioned they would be bringing their “pumpkin patch.”
She had to ask what that meant. The answer? Their two kids and two dogs. The parent also mentioned plans to get plastered — pregaming with a bottle of vodka starting at 6pm before heading to the 8pm festival.
The dad had even suggested bringing a joint. For her, it was an instant no. She grew up being dragged to festivals as a kid while her parents and their friends got drunk.
She hated how awkward and out of place it made her feel. She also was not comfortable with large dogs at a loud music event. She knew she would not enjoy herself, so she tried to bow out gracefully.
Her cancellation message was polite. She simply said, “Sorry guys, I think I’ll skip this one. I misunderstood the type of meetup it was gonna be. You all have a good time!”
She did not mention kids, dogs, or her plan to drink. A few hours had passed between the “pumpkin patch” reveal and her reply, but it still looked pretty immediate in the chat.
Some other group members reacted with surprise when they learned kids were coming too — it seemed like new information to them as well.
The festival was eventually cancelled due to bad weather, but the damage was already done. Since she backed out, her messages in the group chat go unanswered. Whole conversations stop or shift when she tries to contribute.
She feels awkward and unwanted now, even though she was really looking forward to meeting these people in real life.
Her friend told her not to worry about what random strangers think, but she cannot shake the feeling that she handled it poorly.
She knows logically she should probably just leave the group if she no longer feels welcome. Still, she wants to know — was she the asshole for cancelling right after finding out about the kids and dogs, or was this group simply not the adult-oriented hangout she thought it was?
This situation highlights a common clash in friend groups. Some people are fine mixing kids and dogs into every social event, even ones that involve drinking and loud music late at night.
Others prefer clear boundaries between adult nights and family time. There is nothing wrong with either preference, but when they collide in a new group, feelings can get hurt fast.
Her polite but obvious exit made it clear she was not interested in that particular vibe, and the group seems to have taken the hint.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Several said the parent casually bringing kids and dogs to a late-night drinking festival was questionable, especially with open talk about getting wasted. 
Commenters appreciated that she stayed polite and did not shame anyone. However, many pointed out that immediately cancelling right after the “pumpkin patch” reveal made her reason obvious, and the group was likely distancing themselves because they saw her as not kid-friendly or not a good long-term fit.
A few called her TA for not making up a vaguer excuse if she wanted to keep her options open with the group.
In the end, she was not wrong for knowing her own limits and choosing not to go to something that would make her miserable. Growing up around drunk adults at festivals left her with strong feelings about the environment, and she does not have to force herself into situations that trigger those memories.
At the same time, the way she cancelled made her exit feel abrupt and tied directly to the kids and dogs, which probably stung for the parent and made the rest of the group pull back.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is recognize when a group’s vibe does not match yours and quietly move on instead of forcing a fit. She was looking for adult friends who want to go out, drink, and have fun without kids around.
This group clearly includes parents who want to bring their whole “pumpkin patch” along. Both preferences are valid — they just do not mix well together.Would you have cancelled too, or would you have sucked it up and gone anyway?
And is it rude to bow out the moment you hear kids are coming, even if you do it politely? The comments showed this one hits a real nerve for a lot of people.
