OP prides herself on not wearing makeup, which she feels uncomfortable with due to acne and a personal preference for natural beauty.
But when her coworker, John, invited her to a date, her best friend, Jane, urged her to wear makeup, thinking it would be a necessary touch for the evening.
Original poster chose to stick to her guns, deciding to go to the date makeup-free, just as she had done during work and Zoom calls. Despite her confidence, John seemed disappointed, raising questions about OP’s decision.
Was OP wrong for not dressing up more for the date, or did John’s expectation cross a line? Keep reading to see how this situation plays out and whether OP is truly in the wrong.
Date without makeup, coworker feels slighted and friend’s advice causes conflict
In this situation, it’s understandable why OP feels conflicted about the reactions to her date. On one hand, she made a personal choice not to wear makeup, which was consistent with her usual style and comfort.
It’s also worth noting that her coworker, John, had already seen her without makeup during work, so he was well aware of her usual appearance. She didn’t do anything malicious, she simply didn’t feel the need to go beyond her typical routine for a date.
The key issue here seems to be the societal expectation that women need to meet certain beauty standards, particularly when it comes to dating.
For many women, makeup is seen as an optional, personal choice, not a necessity for presenting themselves well or being considered “presentable” by others.
However, in OP’s case, John seemed to have a different expectation, one that was not communicated beforehand, and that caught her off guard.
His comment about the lunch being a “work lunch” could imply a sense of disappointment or that he expected more effort on OP’s part, making the situation feel uncomfortable for her.
Psychologically, this situation touches on the broader issue of external validation, particularly for women. The dilemma arises when one person’s standards and assumptions clash with another’s autonomy and choices, which can cause discomfort and tension.
The fact that OP’s mother also voiced criticism about her choice not to wear makeup, calling it a “bitch move,” reflects a tendency to impose social expectations.
This reinforces the idea that a woman’s appearance is often scrutinized, and not conforming to these expectations can result in being seen as “disinterested” or “cold.”
It’s also essential to recognize the difference in perspective that OP and John have on this matter. John’s reaction reflects an assumption that putting effort into one’s appearance is part of showing interest, while OP values comfort and authenticity more.
While John might have seen OP’s decision as a sign of disinterest, it’s also clear that OP didn’t feel any obligation to change her appearance for the sake of a date, which is entirely valid.
In conclusion, OP is not in the wrong for making the choice she did. She clearly communicated her preferences, and it’s unfortunate that John’s response didn’t align with her boundaries.
The situation highlights how personal choices around appearance should be respected in relationships, and it’s crucial for both parties to have open communication about their expectations and preferences.
OP’s decision to not wear makeup was hers to make, and it shouldn’t have led to any conflict if John had been more understanding of her autonomy.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
This group pointed out the blatant hypocrisy and double standards
These Redditors focused on authenticity and personal choice
This group took aim at the misogyny of your support system
These users focused on the workplace dynamic
These commenters offered positive reinforcement from their own lives
The OP’s decision to not wear makeup was her personal choice, and it’s understandable that she didn’t want to feel pressured to conform to someone else’s expectations.
It’s disappointing that John, knowing her preferences, would let something like makeup influence his opinion of the date.
While some people might feel that wearing makeup would be a “nice surprise,” it’s ultimately the OP’s right to present herself how she feels most comfortable.
Do you think the OP was justified in not wearing makeup, or should she have made the effort for the date? How would you handle a situation where your personal choices clash with someone else’s expectations? Share your thoughts below!
