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Roommates Exclude Woman From Birthday Party, Then She Decides to Take Everything She Owns

by Leona Pham
August 14, 2026
in Social Issues

Living with roommates means accepting differences. Someone will leave a mess, forget a chore, or have habits that annoy you.

But what happens when it stops feeling like a shared home and starts feeling like you’re an unwanted guest in your own space?

After nearly two years living together, she realized the issue wasn’t one dirty bathtub or one broken toilet seat.

It was the pattern of being excluded, ignored, and expected to provide things without being treated like part of the household.

Woman feels pushed out by her roommates after repeated disrespect and decides it may be time to leave

Roommates Exclude Woman From Birthday Party, Then She Decides to Take Everything She Owns
not the actual photo

'WIBTA if I moved out a week early and took all the kitchen stuff (that I bought) without telling my roommates?'

I'm a 26-year-old woman, and I've been living in a shared flat for almost two

years with two roommates — let's call them Derek (21M) and Tiffany (20F).

We didn’t know each other beforehand, but things seemed okay in the

beginning. We had a few game nights, and I thought we'd slowly grow closer as flatmates.

About six months in, things started going downhill. Tiffany asked me to pay

more attention to hairs left in the bathtub. Fair enough — I made an effort

to check and clean up better after showering. I'd noticed hairs before too,

but I just cleaned them without making a big deal.

Then one day, after staying at my (now ex-) boyfriend’s place for a week, I

came home and found hairs in the tub — even though I hadn’t been there!

So I messaged Tiffany, politely saying the hair probably wasn’t mine and

maybe she just forgot to clean up.

Her reply was weirdly passive-aggressive — she said she “got the

impression” I was still showering at home a lot (??). Not sure how closely

she monitors the bathroom usage, but that felt… uncomfortable.

I tried to talk to her directly, and while the communication improved

slightly, the overall vibe stayed cold. I also tried suggesting activities so we

could bond more as roommates — they said they were too busy and maybe

had time every three months.. When we finally did meet up, Tiffany

seemed completely annoyed the whole time and left after about an hour.

On my birthday last autumn, I invited them both — I thought that was just

common courtesy when you live together. They showed up, but their gift

was... a jar of tomato sauce and mustard, clearly bought at the supermarket

on the way over. I didn’t say anything to keep the mood light, but honestly

— even if they had little money or didn’t know what to get, they could’ve

asked, or written a card, or put some thought into it.

Later they broke the toilet seat (I still don’t know how) and didn’t fix it for

two months. When they finally did, they got upset with me for not helping.

But… I didn’t break it, and they never asked me to help? I figured two

people can replace a toilet seat just fine on their own.

They’ve also complained that I didn’t help “decorate” the flat — even

though I did help, and gave up my sofa so they could bring in one they liked

better. Then they put up pictures I really dislike, without asking.

They moved kitchen items around without telling me, so now I come home

and can’t find anything. Derek even refused to replace a lightbulb after I

gave him one of mine when his broke, I took it out of one of my lamps I

didn’t have a spare light bulb at hand. Petty stuff, but it adds up.

So today is Derek’s birthday. I walked into the kitchen and saw them baking

a bunch of pizzas. I asked if people were coming over, and they said yes —

they’re celebrating a birthday.. I asked, “Whose birthday?”. They said:

Derek’s.. …Yeah. I wasn’t even invited.

To top it off, they’re hosting the party in the flat next door and took all of

our dining chairs and plates — without asking — so there’s nothing left in our place.

Maybe I should have known about his birthday today, but at this point, I just

feel completely disrespected and unwanted. I’ve made multiple attempts

to connect and communicate with them. I’ve never yelled, never been rude.

Now I’m wondering: I was planning to move out at the end of the month

anyway, but I’m seriously thinking of leaving a week early without telling

them, and taking everything I own with me — including the washing

machine, dishwasher, all dishes, pots, cutting boards, and knives and maybe

that one light bulb :)(all of which I bought).. So WIBTA?. Am I overreacting?

Or is it fair to just leave quietly and take what’s mine?. Thanks in advance for your thoughts

UPDATE: First of all, thank you so much for all the replies.

I genuinely didn’t expect your responses to affect me this much. It really

touched me — especially since I still feel like, compared to other stories on here, mine is relatively harmless.

I’ve decided I will move out one week earlier — but I think I’m going to tell

them. I just don’t feel comfortable creating unnecessary drama, and since I

don’t live in a big city, you never know how things might come back around.

That said, I still feel like I deserve a tiny bit of petty revenge, so here’s what I’m planning:

I’ll tell them that I’ll probably move out a week early and that I’ll start

taking some of my stuff with me during the next weeks. I realized that out

of the three of us, I currently use the kitchen the least (I try to save money

and mostly eat at the university canteen).

So, naturally, I’ll start with items from the kitchen.

First to go: the spices.

Tiffany has been using a lot of my cinnamon lately. I did say she could use

some at some point — but we’re talking multiple teaspoons at a time, and

honestly, spices are expensive. So: cinnamon and co. are packing their bags first.

Then I’ll take my nice handmade ceramic bowls. I know they like using them

— and they were a Christmas gift from my family years ago. Definitely not staying behind.

As a little intermezzo, I’ll take my fridge magnets — some of which happen to make up our cleaning schedule.

Tiffany has occasionally complained that I don’t stick to it — though,

funnily enough, she didn’t clean sometimes during university holidays as

well. Derek doesn’t clean during exam season either (which I think is fine),

but then maybe don’t complain when I slack off during stressful weeks?

After that: the kitchen knives.

They technically have one or two, but they’re cheap and blunt. So I doubt they can argue.

And last but not least: my cutting boards. I’ll leave them with the small

plastic breakfast boards (They might not be a thing in other countries/in

America) — They technically work as cutting boards, but they slide around

the counter like a bar of soap — especially when you're trying to chop vegetables with dull knives.

On the date that I want to move out Ill take all the rest of my stuff too, but

this way they at least have time to replace the washing machine or the dishwasher in time.

What do you guys think?

I’ll update you again once I’ve officially moved out — and the spice rack is in safe hands.

UPDATE 2: I just saw that Charlotte actually picked up on my little flatmate dilemma, so I thought I'd give you one last update.

I told my flatmates that I’d be moving out a week earlier than originally

planned. In the days leading up to the move, I took a few things with me,

like my handmade ceramic bowls. Honestly, you were right: they were the

most precious items to me, and I was worried they might get damaged or

go missing, so I made sure they were safe.

Most of my other stuff stayed in the kitchen until moving day. Life got

busy, and my main focus was just getting out of there.

When I told them I’d be leaving earlier, they seemed surprised and said

they wouldn’t be able to help me move because they wouldn’t be in town

that day. I hadn’t expected much help anyway, but it still felt a bit

dishonest, like they knew helping would’ve been the right thing to do but

just didn’t want to. On moving day, Derek wasn’t home, just as he’d said,

but Tiffany was there, and despite that, she didn’t lift a finger. No surprise, really.

Other than that, everything went smoothly. They didn’t hide or take

anything of mine. There are still one or two small things I need to talk to

them about, but for the most part, I avoid them now. I talk more with their

new flatmate, and honestly, I hope she gets along better with them,

though I’d be lying if I said a small part of me doesn’t want her to see how difficult they can be.

Anyway, I’m moving on with my life. I’m about to move into a place of my

own. I don’t struggle with people-pleasing at work/uni just at home so

maybe avoiding the problem by living alone is the right solution for now.

There wasn’t much more drama in the end, but honestly, that might be for the best.

A home is supposed to be the one place where people can relax and feel accepted.

When that space starts feeling uncomfortable, the emotional weight often comes from more than the small annoyances themselves.

It is not just about a forgotten chore, a misplaced item, or a missing invitation.

It is about the slow realization that the people sharing your living space may not actually value your presence.

In OP’s situation, the conflict was never truly about bathroom hair, birthday gifts, or kitchen supplies.

Those moments became symbols of a bigger problem: feeling excluded and overlooked.

She repeatedly tried to create a better relationship with her roommates by suggesting activities, inviting them to her birthday, adjusting her habits, and communicating calmly.

Instead of building a more cooperative household, she found herself feeling like a guest in her own flat.

What makes this situation interesting is that many people view roommate conflicts as simple disagreements about cleanliness or responsibility.

However, shared living often exposes deeper differences in expectations.

Some people see roommates as temporary people who simply split bills and space, while others naturally expect friendship and mutual consideration.

Neither approach is automatically wrong, but problems arise when one person keeps investing emotionally while the others do not.

From another perspective, OP’s decision to quietly remove her belongings was not necessarily an act of revenge.

It can also be understood as someone finally reclaiming control over an environment where she felt powerless.

After repeatedly feeling ignored, taking back items she personally purchased became a way of restoring boundaries rather than punishing others.

This perspective helps explain why OP felt hurt despite the situation appearing “small” compared with more extreme conflicts.

A single forgotten invitation might not matter, but combined with months of feeling criticized, ignored, and taken for granted, it created a pattern.

The problem was not one birthday party. It was the accumulation of many moments where OP felt like she was not considered.

The healthiest outcome was not a dramatic confrontation or a final argument.

Moving out allowed OP to create distance from a situation that was draining her emotionally.

Sometimes the best boundary is simply accepting that certain people are not going to become the kind of housemates or friends we hoped they would be.

Living with others requires compromise, but it should not require constantly shrinking yourself to avoid conflict.

A peaceful home is not created only by clean bathrooms or shared furniture. It is created when everyone feels respected, included, and considered.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters agreed OP has every right to take all belongings they personally purchased when moving out

Technical-Paper427 − NTA Just take everything you own, why would that

be an ah move? You did end the lease and they know it? Then you are not the AH at all.

No_Lavishness_3957 − Take everything in the flat that you bought it is

rightfully yours. Derek & Tiffany are adults. They'll figure out how to buy

the stuff they need. Also, why worry about what they think of you? They're

not treating you very nice & this will be the beginning of you standing up for yourself.

Minflick − NTA. Of course you can take your belongings with you when you

leave. Why on earth would you not? Not doing so is either gifting to them

or littering. So, yes, absolutely take every last item you own with you when you leave.

Level_Amphibian_6249 − NTA You state that you told them 2 months ago

you were leaving. They've had plenty of time to ask questions about

anything or ask you to leave stuff behind. Heck they've had enough time to

buy replacements.   I wouldn't be surprised if the have stuff but haven't put

it out. They'll be fine.   Take care of yourself and don't give them another thought.

They are not your people.

This group joked about taking even the smallest household items, emphasizing that OP owns everything they brought into the home

Square-Minimum-6042 − Don't forget to take the toilet paper.

Eponack − I will be greatly disappointed in you if you leave that lightbulb.

OwlUnique8712 − Did you make sure they brought all your stuff back from the neighbors house?

These commenters advised OP to protect themselves by confirming lease details, retrieving belongings, and moving items carefully before leaving

OwlUnique8712 − Make sure you see the landlord and your name is

actually off the lease. Because if not you can end up responsible for any

damage they do after you move out. Good luck, and take everything that belongs to you

Disastrous_Ad_3208 − If you only have a week left you should be packing

things up. Kitchen is first, arrange movers or friends for washers etc. To the

new place. I would try to do it all at once though so they don’t try to trash

your other stuff before you get it all out.

These users supported OP leaving the toxic roommate situation quickly and making a clean break without unnecessary conflict

MissKrys2020 − Ugh, roommates can be the absolute worst. I had a fly-by-

night move out when my roommates were on vacation after one yelled in

my face about not having the toilet paper in the right place. Take your

stuff, you own it. I like the plan so as to avoid drama and make a clean break. The only AH here are your roommates

Responsible-Diet-881 − Nta. I would move early and take it all

After months of trying to build a comfortable relationship with her roommates, OP realized the issue wasn’t just small disagreements, it was a repeated pattern of being excluded, ignored, and taken for granted.

From forgotten responsibilities to hosting a party in the shared space without even inviting her, the final straw showed OP that she was no longer treated like an equal member of the home.

Do you think OP was justified in quietly taking her belongings and leaving early, or should she have tried one more conversation with her roommates?

How would you handle living with people who make you feel unwelcome in your own home? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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