One Reddit user thought she was doing the polite, celebratory thing: sending champagne to toast her dad’s engagement. But instead of “thank you,” she got a phone call full of sobs—and a homophobic slur shouted in the background by the bride-to-be.
Now, she’s got an idea. A petty, poetic, perfectly passive-aggressive idea. Her stepmother loves flower language—the meanings behind each bloom. So what if she sent a floral arrangement that spelled out “screw you” in roses, carnations, and spite?
She asked Reddit if she’d be wrong to go full horticultural revenge. The internet? Had opinions. Curious what flowers mean “resentment and stupidity”? And whether dad’s ignoring something he really shouldn’t? Let’s unpack this blooming drama.
One woman shared a story of planning a rude floral arrangement—using flowers like geraniums and yellow carnations to say “f**k you”
As many people asked for more information in the comments, OP edited the post
Weddings and engagements are supposed to bring families together, but for LGBTQ+ people, they often reopen old wounds. OP wasn’t just excluded—she was attacked. And instead of defending her, her dad chose the comfort of his fiancée.
Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist and professor at Northwestern University, writes in Psychology Today, “When people feel betrayed by their families of origin, setting boundaries is an act of self-preservation, not revenge.” In this case, the bouquet isn’t about petty retaliation—it’s a symbolic reclaiming of respect.
It’s also a response to gaslighting. The Redditor says she’s addressed this slur with her dad multiple times. His response? “She makes me happy, can’t you be happy for me?” That’s textbook emotional invalidation—asking someone to ignore their own pain for someone else’s comfort.
Meanwhile, expecting her to apologize for sending a bottle of champagne—a pretty standard engagement gift—is wild. If the fiancée doesn’t drink, that’s fine, but adult communication would be, “Oh, thank you, but I don’t drink.” Not a crying meltdown and a hateful slur.
Even worse, this isn’t the first time. The fiancée has reportedly called her and her girlfriend a slur before. That means this isn’t a misunderstanding—it’s a pattern.
So let’s talk impact. Studies from Mental Health Foundation show that LGBTQ+ youth and young adults experience dramatically higher rates of depression and anxiety when their families aren’t affirming. Even in adulthood, rejection from a parent or step-parent can cause deep, lasting harm.
And yet, OP hasn’t cut ties. Why? Because she has two young siblings still living in that home. She’s staying in contact to make sure they don’t lose her, even if their parents have.
Would the flower revenge send a message? Yes. Would the stepmum understand it? Maybe. Would she care? Probably not. As one therapist might put it: You don’t need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else’s relationship warm. Sometimes, withholding contact is the message.
These commenters claimed the stepmum’s slur was unacceptable, advising the Redditor to address it directly
Some claimed petty responses could work, advising less risky options like glitter cards
These users claimed the bouquet would escalate conflict, advising alternative responses
This one claimed the champagne was a reasonable mistake, advising the Redditor to stand firm
This user said both parties were wrong
This Redditor’s plan to send a “f**k you” floral bouquet to her stepmum, who called her a slur over an innocent champagne gift, teeters on petty revenge after repeated disrespect. Reddit backs her innocence in the gift but warns against escalating with flowers, urging direct confrontation instead.
Would she be wrong to send the rude bouquet, or justified given the stepmum’s homophobia? How would you handle a family member’s slurs? Share your thoughts below!
