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Wife Thinks It’s ‘Cute’ for Daughter’s Boyfriend to Pay for Everything – Husband Strongly Disagrees

by Sunny Nguyen
September 24, 2025
in Social Issues

A father never expected that a simple family dinner would spiral into a showdown over teenage romance, money, and clashing values. His 16-year-old daughter had just started dating a shy young boy, the kind who blushes when ordering dessert.

But when Mom suggested it was “cute” for him to pay for everything, every burger, every movie ticket, every little date, Dad’s jaw nearly hit the table.

This was the same wife who had always championed independence and equality, yet here she was nudging their daughter into treating her boyfriend like a wallet with legs.

When the father pushed back, saying love shouldn’t come with a built-in ATM, his wife didn’t take it lightly. The argument escalated fast, voices rose, accusations flew, and suddenly, the daughter sat caught in the middle of her parents’ very public clash of values.

Wife Thinks It’s ‘Cute’ for Daughter’s Boyfriend to Pay for Everything - Husband Strongly Disagrees

Want the full scoop? Dive into the original post below!

'AITA for telling my wife it’s not ‘cute’ for her to encourage our teenage daughter to expect her boyfriend to pay for EVERYTHING in their relationship?'

Wife and I have been married 18 years, we have our 16 year old daughter who has been dating a slightly shy/ awkward young man for around 3-4 months now.

He seems very nervous around my daughter and has admitted in a passing comment here and there to my wife

and I that he can’t believe she agreed to date him and he thinks she’s way out of his league. He seems very respectful, just shy.

My wife is usually an independent, awesome woman and her ideals align closely with mine particularly in term of feminism and equality.

We have both striven to raise our daughter to be as independent and capable as possible.

Since my daughter has been dating this kid my wife has changed considerably and has given our daughter advice that has left me with raised brows more than once.

Some of the advice I’ve heard my wife give is ‘oh it’s cute for boys to pay for everything, especially in your first relationship!’

Or ‘oh honey don’t worry about that, he can pay for you, if he really liked you he would’ and similar.

I’ve tried to balance this out by telling my daughter straight away ‘two people in a partnership should be contributing equally’

and my personal favorite ‘if someone asks if they can take you out to dinner, it’s reasonable to expect them to pay,

but if someone asks you to grab dinner with them, it’s reasonable to split the payment’.

I figured that would be an easy way for a young person to understand the difference.

However I’ve noticed my daughter becoming more and more entitled with her boyfriends money.

They haven’t been anywhere obviously since we’re home but the way she talks about him ‘oh I’ll just ask him to pay for x’ etc leaves a bad taste in...

She has also flippantly bragged/ mentioned that she gets him to buy gift cards for her etc by mentioning her mother’s advice, i.e.

‘if you really liked me you’d pay for x’ I spoke to my wife privately and told her my concerns,

she insists it’s a rite of passage for girls and it’s cute that she should feel a guy is completely spoiling her.

I told her that it’s not cute for her to be thinking it’s acceptable to view relationships as personal ATMS,

and my wife became very angry with me and is now calling me an a**hole with a lot of hostility.

A Dinner Table Standoff

The daughter, who once shyly thanked her boyfriend for small gestures, began demanding gift cards and pricey meals, as if his shy smile came with a credit card attached.

Dad noticed the shift and finally snapped, telling his daughter that relationships aren’t “personal cash machines.” His words cut deep, and the room fell silent.

But Mom wasn’t backing down. To her, it was a harmless tradition, the way dating had always worked in her youth. Boys paying was “romantic,” she insisted.

Dad saw it differently. He argued that teaching their daughter to expect free rides was setting her up for disappointment and maybe even toxic patterns later in life.

The daughter’s face burned red as the debate raged over her plate. What should’ve been a lighthearted family meal turned into a symbolic battle over the values they wanted to pass down.

For Dad, the lesson was fairness and reciprocity. For Mom, it was preserving a piece of nostalgia she thought was sweet, not harmful.

With their voices clashing and their daughter stuck in the middle, the dinner table felt less like a family gathering and more like a courtroom.

Expert Take

Parenting experts warn that mixed messages at home can confuse teens about what respect and equality in relationships really mean. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, emphasizes:

“Consistency in parenting creates a secure foundation for kids.”

In this case, Mom’s nostalgic “cute” advice clashed with Dad’s equality-first values, leaving their daughter stuck in the middle.

Studies back him up. A 2022 Pew Research Center survey revealed that 70% of teens prioritize mutual respect and equality in relationships over outdated gender roles.

Encouraging a teenager to rely financially on her boyfriend might sound playful, but it risks teaching dependence instead of partnership.

The Bigger Picture

Dad’s hardline stance, split the bill unless it’s a real “I’m taking you out” kind of date, wasn’t just about money. It was about fairness, respect, and preparing his daughter for healthier adult relationships.

Yet his delivery, sharp and blunt, might have fueled the family feud more than the message itself.

Mom, on the other hand, may have been reaching back to her own youth, when boys covering the bill was the cultural norm.

Nostalgia, however, doesn’t always mix well with modern parenting values, and the clash between old traditions and new ideals exploded right at the dinner table.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Some users roasted the wife for contradicting her usual equality-driven stance, calling her advice outdated and harmful. 

aitafun − It's not cute NTA Your wife is TA Your daughter is becoming TA The boy also needs some guidance, but that probably shouldn't come from you

Edit: Read the responses to my comment. There are some good arguments that maybe you should consider talking to the boy yourself.

I may have been wrong on that part, but you'll have to decide for yourself.

resjudicata8 − Encouraging her daughter to exploit her bf financially and being a fierce, independent woman whose ideals align with yours on feminism

and equality do not compute. Maybe she is not as fierce and independent as you thought.

cpplearning − NTA, Ask your wife how she would feel if his dad told his son 'if she really liked you, she'd.' you get the idea.

Others applauded Dad for protecting the boyfriend from being milked dry. 

LunasTwilight − Ew, no, not cute! You sir are NTA, your wife and daughter however are.

Honestly I’d call a family meeting and sit down with BOTH of them and explain how damaging this attitude of entitlement can be, both for her and the boys she’s...

If things don’t change, give that poor boyfriend of hers a heads up- if he’s a good kid he doesn’t deserve to be used if she doesn’t actually care about...

throw_away-20000019 − NTA. This is teaching her to be financially dependent on men and creating a sense of entitlement.

Also, assuming he’s around her age, it’s very unreasonable to expect a 16 year old to have money to pay for everything of hers in the first place.

NothingSinister − NTA, your wife's advice is turning your daughter entitled and spoiled. This is not healthy in a relationship of any age and splitting costs should be how it...

You are completely right about relationships not being personal ATMs. If I was dating someone who started acting increasingly entitled to my money I'd leave, it's not cool.

A few even suggested warning the young man directly before he ends up broke or heartbroken. 

lods13 − Nta. Women that hop back and forth between exploiting feminism and chivalry when it’s advantageous for them are the worst.

iritatingg − NTA for sure. ”if you really liked me you would pay”? Just no.

You should talk to your daughter though, ask her if she notices what she is doing and if she really likes him for him and not just his money.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Next time he comes around give him 50 bucks in front of her and tell him you don't think he should pay everything for her.

_americancer_ − NTA at ALL! Your wife telling her that is extremely harmful; if a guy wants to pay for everything they’d do that willingly

(my SO does that and it makes me extremely uncomfortable but he’ll pay for dinner or whatever before I even have a chance to,

and I appreciate it but it makes me uncomfortable, I digress) Please make sure to speak to your daughter about this behavior PLEASE.

Final Thoughts

One father’s refusal to let his teenage daughter see her boyfriend as a personal piggy bank set off a storm that rattled his marriage and reshaped a family dinner.

Was he right to take a stand, or did he push too hard against a harmless tradition?

With a teenager testing boundaries, a mother clinging to old norms, and a father demanding fairness, the question lingers: can this family find common ground before their values pull them further apart?

 

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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