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Former Bully Begs for Friendship, Woman Says Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Friendship

by Jeffrey Stone
October 2, 2025
in Social Issues

Living with family as adults can be very different from growing up together. As kids, sharing space, food, and even responsibilities may have felt normal, but when people become adults, the balance changes.

Bills need to be paid, rent has to be covered, and life becomes more expensive. Many families step in to help each other during tough times, but when one person gives too much and the other doesn’t give enough, tension can quickly grow.

This is exactly what happened to a man who opened his home to his younger sister. He thought he was simply helping her out for a short time while she got back on her feet. At first, it seemed like a kind and natural thing to do.

After all, she was family, and he didn’t want to see her struggle. But as months passed, he began to feel like he was being taken advantage of. What started as an act of kindness slowly turned into a heavy financial and emotional burden, and he began to question whether he was wrong for setting limits.

A Redditor Faces Her High School Bully’s Plea for Friendship

'AITAH for not agreeing to be friends with a guy that bullied me in high school?'

I (25f) was severely bullied in high school. I was considered quite chubby (I think I was 130 pounds at the time, 160cm), and I had a bit of a...

The stutter was cause of anxiety and it would only happen when I was around people that would be mean or bully me.

In my junior year, a boy in my grade joined in on the bullying (let’s call him Jake). He was so much worse than everyone else.

He used to follow me on my walk home and pour things on me, push me into bushes or into oncoming traffic etc.

He once pushed me into a lake when we were on a school trip when he found out I couldn’t swim. I could go on and on about the things...

After one particular incident where he made fun of me for my appearance, I really couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t the worst thing he did but it was the...

I tried to commit suicide with sleeping pills but my uncle found me and took me to the hospital. I was in a coma for 11 days.

I didn’t go back to school after that and was homeschooled for my senior year. I never spoke to anyone from my school except 2 girls (Kate and Sara) who...

I moved away from that town after high school. I’m back in town for the first time in 7 ish years now. My cousin is getting married so I’m here...

I decided to come a week early to spend time with my parents. I went to a bar with Kate and Sara a couple of days ago and I saw...

I felt kind of anxious but decided to pretend like he wasn’t there. He approached us as we were leaving and said hi to me. I said hi and engaged...

He sent me an email (not sure how he got it but I’ve had this email since high school so maybe he’s had it since?

I dont know) that was quite long. He apologised for everything he did and said he’s mortified he was even that kind of person. He said it’s been haunting him...

I replied to him saying it’s alright and I forgave him a long time ago because I didn’t want to hold on to hate and resentment from high school. I...

We went outside and he asked if we could go for dinner as friends and catch up. I said sorry but I would really rather not.

He asked why i can’t go for dinner if I’ve apparently forgiven him. I said forgiveness doesn’t mean I have to engage or be friends with him, and I simply...

It’ll be weird given our history and I’d rather not be reminded of my high school years. He looked bummed out but didn’t insist, and left.

He sent another email 3 hours ago saying he can’t bring himself to forgive himself if he doesn’t feel like I have,

and that me refusing to even have dinner with him makes him feel like I haven’t forgiven him and the guilt is eating him up.

I replied saying “I’m sorry but I’m not having dinner with you and you should take that up with a therapist. I’ve told you I have forgiven you.

I just don’t WANT to have dinner with you and I’m not going to force myself to do so to ease your conscience”.

I told my parents of this whole thing and they said I’m being to harsh on him and that I should do what I can to make him forgive himself...

They said one dinner is nothing and I should just suck it up and go. I said no and kind of got angry at them. I really don’t know whether...

The Living Arrangement

The man had been living alone in his apartment, paying his rent and bills without problems. When his sister came to him needing a place to stay, he agreed without hesitation. He imagined that it would be temporary until she got a steadier income. Because of that, he didn’t ask her to pay much in the beginning.

But as time went on, he noticed that she wasn’t really saving or planning for her own future. Instead, her money often went toward clothes, dining out, and leisure activities. While she enjoyed herself, he found himself covering every bill, from rent and electricity to groceries and internet.

Money and Responsibilities

At first, he tried to be patient. He thought maybe she just needed some breathing room before she could take responsibility. But soon, he realized the situation wasn’t changing. His own savings were shrinking, and the financial pressure was becoming too heavy for one person.

So, he decided to talk to her about it. He asked if she could start helping with the rent or even cover part of the household expenses. To his surprise, his sister didn’t respond with understanding.

Instead, she became defensive and upset. She told him that since they were family, he should be willing to help her without expecting anything back. She even accused him of being selfish for asking her to contribute.

Growing Tension in the Home

Her reaction left him frustrated. He felt that he had already done so much for her, yet she didn’t seem to appreciate it. Instead of showing gratitude, she acted as though he owed her a free place to live. Meanwhile, he was struggling under the weight of bills and responsibilities.

The tension started to affect their relationship. Arguments became more frequent, and the atmosphere at home grew uncomfortable. What was supposed to be a supportive arrangement turned into daily stress.

The Breaking Point

After another heated argument about money, he reached his limit. He told his sister clearly that she had two options: either start paying her share of the rent or move out and find her own place. Saying this wasn’t easy for him, but he felt it was the only way forward.

His sister was shocked and hurt. She accused him again of being unfair and claimed he didn’t care about her struggles. To her, it seemed like he was abandoning her. But to him, it felt like she was refusing to grow up and face the responsibilities of adulthood.

Doubts and Guilt

Even after setting this boundary, he couldn’t shake the guilt. He wondered if he had been too harsh.

Maybe he should have been more patient with her. Maybe asking her to pay rent while she was still struggling was unfair. But another part of him knew he couldn’t keep sacrificing his financial stability.

He loved his sister deeply, but he also knew that love shouldn’t mean being taken advantage of. Helping her was one thing, but carrying the entire weight while she ignored her responsibilities was another.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Many people said he wasn’t wrong for expecting his sister to contribute. 

Lucky_Low4028 − Your parents are the AHs. You (and let's not forget, he) made an attempt on your life, how could your parents tell you to just suck it up?...

You are 100% in the right. Forgiveness does not mean friendship and if he's too stupid to understand that, that's on him. Every word and step you have taken are...

Electrical_Angle_701 − I think you handled it extremely well. NTA.

mauriceminor1964 − NTA. Bless you. It sounds to me that he's still bullying you. Bullying is all about power. Unlike you, he obviously hasn't grown as a human being.

I think you have behaved impeccably. What will he ask for next to 'prove' you forgive him? Something else you dint want to do or makes you feel uncomfortable? No,...

Some also said that asking her to pay rent wasn’t just about money — it was about teaching her responsibility. 

Old-Ninja-113 − NTA - not sure what your parents are thinking? They’re the AHs.

bythegodless − NTA. You don’t owe this person anything. You’re better than me because personally I wouldn’t care if my bully is eaten up with guilt

straightarrow1969 − Let me get this straight, he bullied you in the most horrific manners.

Which includes but not limited to, verbal abuse, he tried to shove you into traffic, tried to throw you in the lake when he found out you couldn’t swim,

and almost caused you to go to the great beyond by your own hand, and you’re supposed to care about how guilty he fells?

Of please, regardless what your parents say, he does deserve every bit of guilt he fells. Even I was bullied, because of the way I talk.

In my case I don’t even give them a second thought, or a first one for that matter. They simply don’t deserve such considerations. And neither does jake.

You have chosen to forgive him, which is a good thing, but as the old saying states, it is wise to forgive, but only a fool forgets. So, you’re NTA.

ApplicationBetter326 − NTA your answer perfect. The only one responsible for Jake's feelings is Jake himself.

Others reminded him that while family support is important, it should never come at the cost of one person’s well-being.

FuggThisShidd − I simply do not understand your parents' attitude here. If anyone did half the stuff to any of my kids that this guy did to you, they'd be...

Forgiveness, yes: that's healthy (for YOU). Being friends though? Hell NO! Not happening.

Why the s__t would they say you're being "harsh" by refusing to go on a f__king date (even a platonic one) with someone who caused you to attempt your own...

They need to re-examine their world view. As for you: I know I don't know you and I really don't want to come off as patronising, but I am so...

Getting through something like that in your past and coming so far to a point of grace that you can speak to this guy and tell him you forgive him,...

You absolutely do not have to engage with him any further: you've already done more than he really deserved and with more grace and dignity than I could ever have...

You are so very very far from being TA, I can't type it loud and clear enough. NTA.

dobster1029 − Jesus. His guilt is of his own making, you don’t owe him, or anyone else, anything. He’s lucky you offered forgiveness, I wouldn’t have. As you said, that’s...

Cybermagetx − Your parents are 100% in the wrong here. You dont have to be friends with anyone.

Regardless of any reasons what so ever. You have very valid reasons not to be friends with him. You need to tell your parents that no means no.

And that the one who was abused never have to suck it up to make the abuser feels better after the fact. They are victim blaming here.

A Stand for Healing or Too Harsh?

Family can be a source of love and strength, but it can also bring difficult challenges, especially when money and living arrangements are involved.

In this case, the man started with good intentions, but his generosity was stretched too far. By finally telling his sister to contribute or move out, he showed that even with family, fairness and responsibility are necessary.

The situation leaves an important question: was he wrong to set boundaries, or was he simply asking for what was fair?

 

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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