Mom Warns Her Daughter About Her Boyfriend’s Creepy Behavior, but She Just Rolls Her Eyes

Parents often notice warning signs in a relationship before their adult children are ready to acknowledge them. The challenge is knowing when to speak up, how strongly to push, and whether too much pressure might drive the couple closer together instead.

The original poster (OP) became uneasy after spending a family vacation with her daughter’s longtime boyfriend. His strange comments, mixed signals, physical boundary crossing, and repeated claims that other people were attracted to him left OP questioning his judgment and intentions.

Although her daughter knows what happened, she brushed it off and showed little concern. Read on to see whether Reddit thought OP was overreacting or had good reason to worry about the man her daughter may soon marry.

A mother worries after her daughter’s boyfriend behaves strangely with several women during a family vacation

One of the hardest parts of protecting an adult child is accepting that pushing too forcefully can make them defend the very person causing concern. The mother cannot simply “open” her daughter’s eyes, because the daughter must ultimately interpret the relationship for herself.

What she can do is remain observant, preserve trust, and help her daughter recognize patterns without turning every conversation into a verdict against the boyfriend.

The concern is not one awkward comment. The boyfriend repeatedly created false or confusing narratives: suggesting that he and the son’s girlfriend were flirting, claiming the daughter was angry when she was not, and asking whether the mother had pulled him toward her.

His physical reenactment crossed another boundary. Individually, these moments might be dismissed as poor humor or social awkwardness.

Together, they suggest someone who enjoys inserting doubt, sexual tension, or conflict into otherwise ordinary interactions. Asking the mother to help finance an engagement ring also raises questions about judgment and responsibility.

A different perspective is that his behavior may come from insecurity and an intense need to feel desirable rather than a calculated plan to manipulate everyone. Someone who assumes others want him may use imagined attraction to reassure himself, gain attention, or test whether his partner becomes jealous.

Yet motivation does not erase impact. Repeatedly misrepresenting what other people said can gradually destabilize relationships and place the daughter in the exhausting position of explaining him away.

Psychologist Stephanie Sarkis describes gaslighting as a pattern in which someone distorts information, creates confusion, or recruits other people into competing versions of reality. She notes that manipulators may tell different stories to different individuals and then rely on the resulting uncertainty to avoid accountability.

However, one vacation is not enough to diagnose gaslighting or abuse. The Gottman Institute recommends distinguishing isolated growth areas from persistent red flags by looking for repetition, unwillingness to change, dishonesty, and potential harm over time.

Applied here, the mother should avoid telling her daughter that the boyfriend is delusional, dangerous, or obviously manipulating her. That approach could make the daughter feel judged and push her toward defending him.

Instead, she can calmly describe specific events: “He told someone people said they were flirting, but nobody had said that,” or “He touched my back after I clearly denied touching him.” Then she can ask how her daughter interprets those incidents and whether similar things happen privately.

The mother should keep firm personal boundaries, decline financial involvement in the engagement, and remain emotionally available. She cannot choose the relationship for her daughter. She can, however, become the safe person her daughter will approach if eye-rolling eventually turns into concern.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

These Redditors advised speaking honestly with the daughter without trying to control her

These commenters viewed the boyfriend as disrespectful, dishonest, and unsafe around the family

These commenters suspected mental illness or substance use might explain his behavior

Was the boyfriend merely socially inept, or was he testing how much confusion the family would tolerate? Should the mother continue welcoming him into her home?