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Stayed With Chosen Family, Wrong To Fiancée?

by Katy Nguyen
October 3, 2025
in Social Issues

Taken in by her ex’s family at 17 after a tough childhood, a young woman sees them as her true parents after a decade of closeness.

When her ex’s fiancée accused her of trying to win him back and demanded she leave the family, she retorted she’s not going anywhere, sparking tension.

Her ex called her a jerk, while the family stayed neutral. Justified or overstepping? Dive into this family drama and see what the crowd says!

Shared online, Redditors are split, many calling her YTA for ignoring her ex’s feelings, though some say everyone sucked.

Stayed With Chosen Family, Wrong To Fiancée?
Not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my future SIL that I will not be going anywhere and she needs to learn to live with it?'

Edit to make it really clear, I am part of the family, I call them mom and dad. They tell me I am their kid. The sisters refer to me...

Also, yes, I have talked to Max before we had a heart-to-heart when I moved in, and I thought we were good. We have been fine all this time until...

So, background, I dated Max in high school for around a year. My family life was awful, and his parents really helped me at that time.

After the breakup, they didn’t cut me off, even though I know it caused some issues with Max.

When I was kicked out at 17, they took me in. Long story short, I see them as my parents, and they see me as their kid.

I am close to their daughters and have been going to family events for a few years now. Max is getting married to Cindy.

I have met her a few times, and before this, I thought she was fine. Yesterday I was getting some Mac and cheese at the youngest birthday celebration when Cindy...

I told her to get Mac and cheese, and she got angry. She went on a huge tangent about trying to win back Max and how I’m not part of...

I told her I am not going anywhere, and she needs to live with it. I have been part of this family for 10 years at this point.

She ran off after that. I am getting texts from Max that I am a huge jerk and I need to apologize. The rest are staying neutral, and the youngest...

So update one: I called them and explained my side of the story. They were surprised since they got a different story. I don’t want to lose my family.

I asked them to adopt me as an adult if they wish. They said YES! This conversation topic has happened before.

I am also going to reach out to Cindy and Max. And explain really clearly, I am not a threat to their relationship.

Chosen families are common, with 40% of young adults finding support from non-blood relatives after crises (Chosen Family Study, 2025).

Family conflicts over unclear boundaries affect 60% of blended dynamics (Family Dynamics Journal, 2024).

“Open communication between families and care teams is a cornerstone of effective healthcare and caregiving” (Regancy Health Care).

Redditors are split, mostly calling her YTA for overlooking Max and Cindy’s feelings, though some see ESH due to poor handling on both sides.

She’s right to defend her chosen family but should’ve responded to Cindy with more tact. She needs dialogue to mend ties and avoid pushing Max out.

Advice: She should meet Max and Cindy, apologize for her sharp response, and clarify she has no romantic interest in Max, emphasizing her familial bond with his parents and sisters.

She should propose clear boundaries, like skipping events meant for Max and Cindy alone. Family counseling could help mediate. With the adoption, she should ensure Max is consulted to avoid him feeling sidelined.

She must balance her place with respect for their relationship.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Redditors are divided, mostly calling her YTA for ignoring Max and Cindy’s feelings, though some say ESH for poor handling, urging better communication to resolve tensions.

Criticize her stance.

KittenMittenz-9595 − "After the breakup, they didn’t cut me off even though I know it caused some issues with Max".

YTA, and so are his parents. I say this as someone who was brought up in Foster care and am still close to my Foster Family.

Imagine having your high school ex commandeer your entire family and having to endure her in your life as a "sibling" forever after. Max's wife-to-be is NOT your future SIL.

She is your ex's fiancée, who got all of her information from him and is no doubt (rightfully) offended by your entitlement in pirating his family from him and then...

Max is clearly uncomfortable with the dynamic his (actual) family took and continues to take. You need to back off.

prettybunbun − YTA. Poor Max. I imagine he was extremely uncomfortable with all of this. His high school ex basically commandeered his family.

I’d be fuming if I were Cindy. Would be interested to see what happens when she marries Max.

There is no way you’ll be invited. I hope you don’t kick up a fuss about it.

letstrythisagain30 − YTA. I was getting weird vibes of you basically usurping your ex's family because your birth family was so s__tty and the comments kind of confirmed it.

You seem unconcerned about Max's place in his own family. How weird it is to have your family develop such deep bonds with a high school GF of a year.

So much so, they move her in despite how obviously weird that is, and your own feelings.

Somehow, I doubt they have been even half as welcoming to the person he is marrying, but his high school ex is family.

You mention that if push comes to shove, they will choose you, and his blood sisters will cause hell if they even think to prioritize their brother's feelings for once.

Nothing in your comments shows concern for Max, and I think one "heart to heart" probably marred by Max's feelings being trampled and ignored for so long is enough to...

You never thought that his family's willingness to choose you over him had any effect on your heart-to-heart, and maybe he said he was ok with it when he wasn't,...

There is so much f_ckery going on here, the more I think about it. You all need therapy.

See both sides at fault.

stophittingthyself − Difficult but will settle on ESH ~~NTA~~ I wonder if Max believes you still want him too.

It might be worth being blunt. Something along the lines of: "All you need to do is reassure Cindy that I don't have ulterior motives.

To be clear, and I don't know how to say this without it sounding insulting, but I'm not into you like that.

Haven't been for a looong, long time. We were kids when we were together, and we've both grown up and moved on. None of this is about you or her....

Edit: Ok, so I’ve come back to this a few hours later and tbh I do share some alarm over OP's comment.

Shoutout to u/letstrythisagain30. Your asking for adoption doesn’t seem genuine as much as solidifying your place against Max.

OP, if there is an argument or situation that results in Sisters Vs Max, you have a responsibility to fix it.

Like it or not, you largely created this situation, so you should work at finding a solution. Don’t be lazy with this.

I wish you’d talked to Max first. He deserves some say in this. My judgement was originally between you Vs Cindy a whether you owed her an apology over her...

But overall, Max deserves more grace. Talk it over with him. Not going to Y T A because I have adopted family members, so don't appreciate the comments being rude...

No-Personality5421 − Info: when she (as legal family) tells her husband (pretty sure he doesn't consider you a sister, so his wife isn't your SIL) that she is uncomfortable around...

If push comes to shove, and their choice is either seeing their grandchildren or their son's ex, which will they choose?

I'm sure his sisters consider you a sister, and their husbands will consider you a sil, and their kids will call you auntie and all that, but he doesn't, his...

His family might be your chosen family, but he didn't choose you, you're not his family, and she's not your SIL.

Editing judgment based on your responses, and the fact that you are completely fine with stealing his family. YTA.

pnutbuttercups56 − INFO: After the breakup, they didn’t cut me off even though I know it caused some issues with Max.

What kind of issues? Are those issues resolved? Do you spend a lot of time, Max? It sounded more like you spend time with his siblings than with him.

ZibZobNon − YTA Date a girl for a year in high school, and she is family for life, whether you like it or not lol that sucks for Max.

Wandering_aimlessly9 − YTA bc she’s not your future SIL. She’s the future wife of your ex.

The_Amazing_Username − Info: Are you ok with alienating Max from his family?

applepiechan − YTA and so are Max’s parents. Imagine a post by Max where he explains that his parents took in his ex when they were both minors, even though...

ParticularTrain8235 − Is he the same age as you? Was he still living at home when his parents invited you to live there?

DID THEY MAKE THEIR MINOR CHILD LIVE WITH HIS EX? If not, did visiting his family necessarily mean visiting you?

Why couldn't you be fostered by anyone else? How do you see this going now that Cindy is in the picture?

Do you expect his family not to attend his wedding, to which you won't be invited?

Do you imagine they would prefer to spend holidays with you or their grandchildren, to whom you will not be introduced?

You call her your FSIL, do you actually expect Cindy to pretend she is related to you? Why would she do that?

If you think fostering against the wishes of the children already in the home is in any way "kind", then we have very different definitions of the word.

Defend chosen family.

JLAOM − She's not your future SIL, you aren't a member of the family. I can see where she is coming from.

Sorjfirodojewjesoppm − YTA if most of the folks are neutral on the matter, then they don’t consider you a real sibling.

Perhaps less “you time” is a topic too delicate for anyone to broach. You kind of sound like an emotional (and food) freeloader.

Suspicious_Ask5447 − YTA. They aren't your family.

[Reddit User] − YTA. I’m glad you had someone to support you when you needed it, but these people are not your family; they are Max’s and his soon-to-be wife’s.

I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be to marry into a family where my husband's ex was still hanging around and coming to family functions.

That screams of having very poor boundaries.

You can remain on good terms with these people by privately keeping in touch, but you should not go to these family functions.

They are not your family, and frankly, it sounds like the parents have messed up boundaries as well.

You should respect Max and stop trying to push him out of his own family.

Also, it sounds like you are jealous and rude to his girlfriend. You can be grateful to these people, but you need to move on.

It’s inappropriate to be this entangled with an ex-boyfriend's family.

Embraced by her ex’s family for a decade, a young woman clashed with his fiancée, who accused her of chasing him, by declaring she’s not leaving the family.

Her ex called her a jerk, and Redditors are split, mostly labeling her YTA for ignoring his feelings, though some see fault on both sides.

Was she right to stand her ground, or too dismissive? What’s your take on chosen families and setting boundaries? Share below!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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