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Maid of Honor Tells Bridesmaid She’s Not Invited to the Bachelorette After Money Drama

by Jeffrey Stone
October 12, 2025
in Social Issues

The Maid of Honor poured her heart into planning an 18-person bachelorette party, wrestling with deposits, deadlines, and a $7,000 Airbnb.

But one guest, A, turned the task into a headache, flip-flopping, first saying she couldn’t afford it, then requesting a refund and bowing out, only to change her mind through friends instead of direct communication.

Overwhelmed and fed up, the Maid of Honor snapped, “You’re not coming because you can’t afford it,” stunning the group.

Was her blunt outburst a defense of the bride’s dream weekend or a cruel dig at a friend in need? This sparkling story of clashing friendships and financial strain resonates with anyone who’s navigated the messy mix of celebration and conflict.

Maid of Honor Tells Bridesmaid She’s Not Invited to the Bachelorette After Money Drama

Bachelorette Budget Drama: MOH Clashes Over Friend’s Flip-Flopping

AITA for telling a girl she’s not coming to the bachelorette because she can’t afford it, after she kept changing her mind and having other people speak for her?

I’m the MOH planning an 18-girl bachelorette. In January, I started the group chat and put down ~$7k for the Airbnb.

Everyone had until March to pay their $375 share. This week I sent the rest of the budget, $250 due by Aug 1.

Then I got a text from a girl we’ll call A: “Hey it’s A! I didn’t realize we were going to have to send more money on top of the...

I just moved into my first apartment and I have no money to give at the moment or in the next couple of months.

I definitely cannot afford it right now. Do you want to just give me the $375 back? Or is there something we can do for me to still go? Lmk...

I replied, “I’ll send you your money back.” She said: “Okay! Thx.” I refunded her, reran the numbers, and updated the group.

The next day, I got a text from girl B saying she and A now want to come just for Saturday. A bit frustrating, but I said okay and adjusted...

Later that night, another bridesmaid told me girl C had contacted her to ask me to give A an extension. I’ve never met A, B, or C, and I was...

So I texted A: “Hey, I’m honestly confused. You mentioned you couldn’t pay and wanted your $375 back, then B said you’re both coming just for Saturday, and now D...

I totally understand things can change, but each time they do, I have to redo all the numbers, which is a lot to manage. Can you let me know your...

A: “I didn’t say I wanted my $375 back, i asked if you wanted to give that to me or if there was something we can do for me to...

Because I want to be there for BRIDE. I didn’t ask B to ask you for me she just did it and so did D. They just want me to...

Me: “You said ‘i have no money to give at the moment or in the next couple of months. I definitely cannot afford it right now. Do you want to...

That sounds like a beat around the bush way of asking for your money back to me.

I don’t care who asked who, all I care about is your final decision. You didn’t ask me for an extension. You did not come to me with a plan...

Would I be able to send you half of my remaining balance on August 1st and the other half August 15th?’

Not ‘I definitely cannot afford it now or in the next couple of months.’ I’m not a bank. I don’t know you. I’m not in charge of your finances.”

A: “‘Or is there something we can do for me to still go? Lmk thx’ Did you not read this?

Not beating around the bush at all but god why are you being so rude.. you could have given everyone a heads up that the price could change

or have some kind of budget.. i understand this is stressful for you, but you don’t need to be rude to people especially people you don’t know.

I’m good actually. I just won’t go. Hope it’s easier for you lol. When BRIDE asks why I’m not going anymore, I’ll be sure to let her know.”

Me: “You’re not going because you can’t afford it.”

Here's the feedback from the Reddit community:

Expert Opinion

This conflict captures the nightmare side of group event planning: when one person’s indecision ripples through an entire plan.

The Maid of Honor’s job already came with stress – coordinating travel, payments, and accommodations for 18 people is a full-time task. So when A wavered about her participation, it created chaos.

Her frustration was valid. Each time A flip-flopped, the MOH had to adjust room assignments, payment breakdowns, and possibly refund arrangements.

That kind of uncertainty can send any planner over the edge. But while her boundaries made sense, the way she communicated, bluntly and without empathy, made things worse.

Money is emotional. When someone says they can’t afford an event, it often comes with embarrassment or shame.

A’s indirect communication through friends was probably her way of avoiding confrontation. Unfortunately, that avoidance only made the MOH feel disrespected and unsupported.

A 2023 Eventbrite study found that 44% of group event organizers experience payment disputes, and 30% blame poor communication for escalating tension.

The MOH’s upfront $7,000 Airbnb payment added serious pressure, every canceled spot or refund risked leaving her out of pocket. That’s enough to make anyone defensive.

Event planner Sarah Granger, in her 2022 book Party Perfect, says, “Clear budgets and direct communication prevent chaos; empathy keeps groups cohesive.” Her insight fits perfectly here.

The MOH’s frustration was justified, but empathy would’ve softened the blow. A structured plan, like a payment schedule or partial refund policy, could’ve eased stress while still protecting the budget.

At the same time, A needed to own her situation. Instead of going silent or sending mixed messages through others, she could’ve been upfront about her limits.

A direct conversation, “I really want to come, but can I split payments or help in another way?” – might have saved her spot and spared everyone the drama.

The Heart of the Issue

Money and friendship rarely mix smoothly. What starts as “let’s all chip in” can quickly turn into resentment and guilt. In this story, both women were acting from emotional places, one from frustration, the other from insecurity.

The Maid of Honor felt responsible for making the bride’s celebration perfect. Every delay or uncertain answer threatened that vision. She likely felt A’s indecision was selfish, adding to an already impossible task list.

A, meanwhile, may have felt embarrassed. It’s hard to admit financial struggles, especially in a group where others can afford more.

Unfortunately, both ended up feeling wronged. The MOH believed she was being firm and practical; A felt excluded and humiliated.

What Could’ve Gone Better

There’s a valuable takeaway here for anyone who’s ever planned or joined a group trip. Transparency and compassion go hand in hand.

For organizers:

  • Set clear costs and deadlines early.

  • Communicate refund policies upfront.

  • Make it safe for people to say no without guilt.

For participants:

  • Be honest about your budget.

  • Speak directly to the planner, not through friends.

  • Understand that last-minute changes affect everyone.

Had both sides followed these steps, this friendship might have avoided the fallout.

Financial therapist Amanda Clayman, in a 2023 interview with Forbes, explained, “Money shame thrives in silence. The moment people talk openly, the pressure drops.”

This truth rings loudly here, if A had felt safe to share her situation, the MOH might’ve offered understanding instead of frustration.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Many sided with the MOH, calling her decision fair and necessary.

the805chickenlady − ESH. Also an 18 person bachelorette party sounds like hell on Earth to me.

kurokomainu − NTA Your last reply cuts through all the BS. She was hinting and indirectly asking through her friends for you to "somehow" make it possible for her to...

She doesn't want to directly ask and commit to paying herself at some point.

She was hoping that you would offer something without her having to ask and she would end up not having to repay anyone, with the cost absorbed by the group...

(I'm sure she doesn't care where the money actually comes from as long as it's not from her pocket). She ends by threatening to blame you if she can't come.

Your reply neatly put an end to the whole game.

ThisWillAgeWell − Another commenter here said "Communication has been poor all round". and I'm inclined to agree. Text messages are fine for brief,

unproblematic issues, or for confirming what you've already spoken about so that you have written evidence in case of any misunderstanding or dispute later on:

"This text is just to clarify, we agreed on X, Y & Z during our phone convo earlier. Correct?

"But for any situation that is delicate or awkward, such as asking for a special favor,

text messages are not ideal because you can't discern tone from a text, and it can inflame an already tense situation.

I would particularly like to know what led A to get this idea into her head:

"I didn’t realize we were going to have to send more money on top of the $375 we sent." Why not?

Are A's powers of comprehension lacking, or did OP fail to spell out clearly right at the outset that everyone would be expected to pay $375 in March

and another $250 by August 1? In the absence of further information, I'm going with ESH.

Others, though, called the response unnecessarily harsh.

No-Potential-7242 − I feel sorry for everyone here. There are still people who won't talk to me because I couldn't afford to go to their insanely expensive weddings

and the endless expensive events around them and some of them are now divorced and remarried or have kids who have left home.

What you should take from this situation is this rule for yourself: NEVER put money down on behalf of a group. Do not do it.

If you absolutely have to be the organizer, ask for a deposit from everyone. You'll find that people magically stop messing you around when they have to pony up. Was...

But she clearly can't afford the trip and is struggling to figure out how to make things work. She's not the organizer, so doesn't realize how incredibly time-consuming and awful...

You shouldn't have to deal with it all and it's understandable you're sick of rearranging everything.

At this point, remind yourself that as far as organizing this trip, you're like a professional who is working on behalf of the bride.

People may frustrate the hell out of you, but try to keep the peace for the bride's sake and remind yourself that you'll expect someone to do the same for...

I would write to this person and say something like, "I'm sorry about the tension. I know these this is expensive.

It's a struggle for me because I have paid for everything so far and people keep changing their plans. Could we Zoom and talk about how to make this work/clear...

KMN208 − First of all: Wo wants to spend what will likely end up ro be roughly $1000 when considering travel and food on a forced vacation with 18 people...

That's an insane expectation. Secondly, it sounds like total cost wasn't communicated properly.

People should ask, but organsizers should also be very clear on that or even better: ASK what people are willing to spend and where their hard limits are.

Why isn't this the standard first question in bachelorette-groups? $100 might be nothing for one person and the difference for having money for food for another.

You may argue that that person simply can't afford the bacherlorette, but as a bride I'd rather have a simple bachelorette with all my friends than a luxury event

that means somemone close to me is either missing or really straining financially. ESH , potentially including the bride for unreasonable expactions

Real_RobinGoodfellow − What an exhausting situation

[Reddit User] − NTA, As an adult, I take other adults at face value. I am not a mind reader, if someone tells me they cannot afford something

I am not going to make a wild assumption that they are low key asking for an extension. I am going to take them at their word.

If I was organizing an 18 person bachelorette party I would not have the energy to play passive guessing games with potential guests, especially ones I don’t know.

Some readers landed in the middle. They felt both women made mistakes:

meruu_meruu − I don't think there was anything wrong with the initial conversation.

She reached out and explained she realized she couldn't afford the full amount so could she get back her money or could something be figured out.

It was easier for you to just give back the money, understandable because this sounds like a logistic nightmare, and she seemed to respect that.

But then it sounds like B C and D were upset to hear she wasn't coming which led to a conversation where they wanted to figure something out.

It's entirely possible A genuinely didn't know others were asking things on her behalf just like she says. But maybe she did, who knows.

I understand you're massively stressed planning this all, but you did come at her pretty hard.

If she genuinely didn't know others were asking you things on her behalf, she didn't deserve that.

And you say you don't know her, so it's not like she has a reputation for pulling things like this right?

You didn't really have a reason to assume the worst of her. And then you said this in the comments;

She and I have very different jobs, and educations which influenced this miscommunication.

I'm not sure what you mean by that but it really doesn't come off great. With the info I've got here I'm gonna say YTA.

ExchangeQuiet9607 − YTA We are all so chronically online and disconnected that we have this complex that

everybody should always be responsible for themselves and that any minor inconvenience someone puts on you somehow makes you a victim.

The truth is that this girl is a HUMAN, and you had no empathy or kindness for her. Just be kind, like damn.

We all know that admitting we don’t have enough money for something can be awkward and embarrassing.

Why not give her the benefit of the doubt and be curious about how you could problem solve together? YTA because you chose being “right” over being human.

happybanana134 − ESH. I think you're both arguing semantics to be honest.

To me, her first message was clear that she wanted to go but didn't have 250 to hand. I can see why you interpreted it as her being unable to...

If you couldn't adjust things so she could attend, you should have shut B, C and D down instead of reaching out to

A. If you can adjust things, and she can now go, that's where you needed to leave it, instead continuing to tell her off for her communication. This sounds like...

Emotional Fallout

When emotions settle, what’s left is often regret. The MOH likely still feels justified but may wonder if she could’ve handled it more kindly.

A, on the other hand, might still feel embarrassed and left out, especially if she’s seeing photos of the trip on social media.

Their friendship may recover in time, but it will take open conversation and forgiveness. Trust, once cracked by money and pride, takes effort to rebuild.

Do they smooth the rift or stir the chaos? Spill your own event-planning tales!

This bachelorette blow-up proves one thing: friendship and finances need honesty to survive.

The Maid of Honor wasn’t wrong to set boundaries, she was drowning in planning stress, but empathy could’ve saved the relationship.

A wasn’t wrong for struggling financially, but her lack of clear communication made everything harder.

In the end, it’s not about who was right or wrong, it’s about how they both handled a tough situation. The real lesson? When money enters friendships, talk early, talk clearly, and talk kindly.

Have you ever had a group trip or event fall apart over money? Did you confront it directly or let it slide? Share your experiences below, we’re all RSVPed for the party-drama tea!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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