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Husband Criticizes Cost of $3 Pastries After Wife Spends Thousands on Him

by Charles Butler
November 1, 2025
in Social Issues

For couples whose birthdays fall in the same week, the pressure is real.

One wife, who prided herself on going all out for her husband’s birthday, found herself facing a deeply underwhelming and frankly cheap celebration on her special day.

She endured a meager brunch, witnessed him complaining about $3 pastries, and watched him devour the cake slice they were meant to share. The final insult: a seemingly thoughtless gift that she was ready to reject entirely.

But just when the relationship seemed doomed, a twist revealed that her husband’s “selfishness” was actually a severe case of misplaced stress and bad communication.

Now, read the full story:

Husband Criticizes Cost of $3 Pastries After Wife Spends Thousands on Him
Not the actual photo

WIBTA if I reject my husbands "gift"?

My husband (28) and I (27F) have birthdays during the same week.

I am big on birthdays so for my husbands I often go all out, and he also does a great job with my birthday most of the time. I do...

For my husband's birthday this year I threw a big party for him. People flew in from other states and I got it catered and it was so fun.

I also spent a LOT of money and time on it. I was planning it for months. I also got him a very nice gift that is something he will...

So my birthday comes. I wake up and he's golfing. Then he gets home and tells me the plan for my birthday is to go to a bakery and a...

I was starving so we got brunch first. Then we go the bookstore and I left my credit card at work so I had no money.

I asked if he'd get a book for me for my birthday and he originally said no, but eventually he relented.

Then we go to the bakery and I got a coffee and a few treats. It was kind of a serve yourself type place, and every time I picked up...

It was NOT an expensive bakery. The average item cost $2-3 and I got 3 items lol. We also got a slice of cake to share.

I went to the bathroom and got back and he had eaten most of the cake. The day was very nice but I was kinda sad about the lack of...

(now is a good time to mention we don't struggle with money in the slightest).

So then he mentions my birthday present. I was very clear on what I wanted for my birthday -- tickets to my fav artist.

And no, not Taylor Swift. I told him like 5 times. You could get very good seats for about $60-70 per person.

So he tells me I'll get my gift on Friday and its an event and he wants to keep it a surprise.

And Friday is the day of the concert so I got super excited expecting tickets.

Well long story short, I find out my gift is attending a baseball game. I was immediately annoyed because I HATE baseball (sorry baseball fans).

Everyone knows I hate baseball. And he also hates it! I would rather just not get a gift at all then pretend to enjoy sitting through a whole baseball game.

So WITBA if I told him I don't want my "gift"?

****UPDATE****

I was not going to post an update, but my original post got a lot more comments than I anticipated so I am.

First, a clarification -- My husband did not tell me the gift was a baseball game. He keeps a list of reminders and when I was cleaning I saw a...

So I had ASSUMED it was a baseball game. Also, another thing I want to add is I absolutely LOVE surprises. Which is the reason everything surrounding my birthday was...

Anyways, so he brings it up tonight and I finally ask if he will just tell me what the surprise is. And it was NOT a baseball game lol.

Its an adventurous activity type gift that I have been wanting to do for forever. (I'm being purposefully vague because this is a throwaway).

Think sky diving or bungee jumping. It also comes with dinner at my favorite restaurant.

It's a VERY expensive date evening for us, as it'll cost over $1,000. And as much as I wanted to go to the concert, this tops it by 100.

The reason the reminder mentioned baseball is because the activity doesn't run when there is a game.

I also brought up my actual birthday, and he apologized for it. He told me he was so focused on planning the surprise and was treating that as my birthday...

that I wanted him to plan something for my actual birthday and scrambled and just picked out some of my favorite things to do.

He also apologized for being very cost focused and explained that he was concerned because of the cost of the real gift. We don't struggle with money but we do...

I'm sure a lot of people will still call him horrible and selfish, but it really was a bad case of him trying to plan a fun surprise for me...

because he knows that's what I'd want and me making assumptions and not communicating, and him not communicating because of the surprise. Very middle school sitcom.

This situation perfectly illustrates how quickly negative assumptions can spiral into relationship-ending fury. OP felt neglected and cheaply treated, instantly concluding her husband was selfishly keeping money meant for her. The community agreed immediately.

The reality, however, was a classic “miscommunication catastrophe.”

He was so dedicated to executing a thoughtful, elaborate, and expensive surprise that he failed entirely at handling the simpler, emotional needs of her actual birthday. His stress over the budget for the $1,000 gift translated into bizarre penny-pinching over $3 pastries.

When couples fail to communicate the intention behind their actions, it becomes easy to assume the worst. According to researchers at The Gottman Institute, making negative assumptions about a partner’s intentions is a form of “harsh start-up” that immediately poisons interactions.

The husband’s intense secrecy prevented OP from understanding his stress, leading her to believe his lack of effort was a deliberate insult.

This breakdown is a major driver of relationship friction. Research often shows that miscommunication is cited as the primary reason for failure in over 65% of relationship breakdowns; this couple just narrowly avoided becoming one of those statistics.

They needed to talk before the baseball tickets became a marital conflict. Fortunately, they cleared the air, turning a perceived betrayal into a very expensive, very exciting gift.

Check out how the community responded:

Before the update, the consensus was NTA, with Redditors urging the OP to dump her seemingly selfish and cheap husband.

Makelifesuper - NTA Is he trying to break up with you? * playing golf (which takes the whole morning) * annoyed at spending money on you (on your birthday, especially...

I don’t care if it was also his birthday nearby) * lackluster events for the day * ate almost all of the cake * tickets to an event NEITHER OF...

ladyhawker89 - NTA, but it sounds like he doesn’t even like you.

Who gets annoyed at a few bakery items when you just planned a whole get together for him? Ugh.

Careless_League_9494 - NTA, but seriously why are you married to someone who treats you this way?

[Reddit User] - NTA- sounds like the bar is low for "he does a great job most of the time".

Like he doesnt complain about buying you something or you get your own full piece of cake. .. The gift is to himself, you deserve better.

Many users were baffled by the husband’s apparent cheapness, especially given their financial stability.

ItsOk_ItsAlright - NTA. He didn’t want to buy you a book or some pastries. Even if it wasn’t your birthday, that’s [crap] behavior on his part. It seems like he’s...

DelurkingtoComment - NTA sounds to me like he got those baseball tickets for free and is passing them off as your gift. And complaining about the bakery… is he always...

Laines_Ecossaises - NTA Curious if you two are having money issues. You spend a lot on his b-day and now he is very concerned about the cost of pastries.

And the baseball game, something you both dislike - smells like someone gave him free tickets.

A few commenters offered advice to OP on focusing on her own happiness rather than depending on her husband’s effort.

Wooden_Scholar2920 - Honestly Op, if you want a party like the one you threw for him, do it yourself!

Dont wait for anyone around to make you happy like that, sometimes it's better to just take the wheel into your own hands!

SkinnyBirdie - NTA This is the sort of thing that would have me rethinking my marriage.

That being said, I think you need to sit down (alone) and do some thinking about the amount of effort you put in. .. and the lack of return on...

One perceptive Redditor provided an edit that perfectly encapsulated the miscommunication revealed in the update.

Makelifesuper - EDIT: NAH I had something similar where I bought (and gave) an engagement ring in January and just… mentally skipped valentines.

She did something for me, which was thoughtful and special, but I felt like I dropped the ball in retrospect by not doing ANYTHING.

Stress, planning, miscommunication, and a little bit of misunderstanding what OP saw on his phone added up to the kerfuffle here.

In the end, this couple learned an invaluable lesson: extreme secrecy in gift-giving, combined with external stress, can lead your partner to assume you hate them. The husband may have failed at the low-effort day, but he absolutely crushed the surprise.

Now that the air is clear, they get to enjoy an amazing, expensive date. But perhaps next year, they should set a clear boundary: the surprise must not come at the expense of a functional actual birthday.

Do you think the husband was forgiven too easily, or was his costly effort enough to make up for the bad birthday?

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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