A devoted couple’s world crumbled when a drunk driver’s wreck stole their twin girls a week shy of birth, blanketing their home in grief’s heavy hush. Three years on, the 31-year-old husband softly floats trying again, his 29-year-old wife murmurs she’s unready, maybe forever. Vows clash with fatherhood dreams, splitting their path.
This gut-wrenching crossroads has Reddit gripped, pulses racing with compassion and brutal what-ifs.
Man faces divorce or childlessness after wife’s stillbirth trauma blocks future kids.
A man, who once had a chance to become a father as he wished, was traumatized by his wife’s stillbirth after an accident. What’s more, he has always recognized that his wife’s pain is even more severe, to the point that he cannot imagine anymore.
A few years have passed. They discuss the possibility of having kids together again. The wife says she is not ready. The husband, although still loves his wife very much, wants to see kids in the family.
The fact that his wife doesn’t want kids frustrates him. Yet he isn’t storming out the door. He’s soul-searching, weighing “in sickness and in health” against his deepest wish to cradle a child.
She’s not slamming doors either. Just honestly admitting pregnancy terrifies her post-trauma. No villains here, just two humans drowning in what-ifs.
Flip the script: from her side, those kicks stopping inside her? It’s a nightmare etched in every cell. He gets that, admits it’d scare him silly too.
Yet his clock ticks louder. At 31, fatherhood feels like a sunset he’s racing to catch. Motivations? Hers scream self-preservation, his whisper legacy, both valid, zero overlap.
Zoom out to the bigger picture: child loss shatters 1 in 4 pregnancies after 20 weeks, per the CDC‘s stillbirth data. Families often splinter under the weight, with grief lingering like uninvited fog. A March of Dimes report highlights how trauma rewires parental desires, sometimes indefinitely. No judgment, just stats showing this duo’s dance is tragically common.
Enter expert wisdom: Dr. Julia Woodward, a reproductive psychiatrist quoted in a Psychology Today article, says, “Stillbirth grief is profound and unique, partners may grieve differently, with one ready to try again while the other needs years, or never.”
Spot-on for our story: his gentle nudge respects her pace, but her uncertainty forces his ultimatum. It underscores mismatched timelines in trauma recovery, urging patience without self-sacrifice.
Neutral nudge? Couples counseling could bridge this chasm. Explore fears, timelines, even non-bio paths (though she’s nixed adoption/surrogacy). Individual therapy for her grief, him on vows vs. visions. Solutions aren’t one-size, they’re tailored talks.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Some declare NAH and urge open communication plus counseling.
Others share personal stillbirth grief to explain her unreadiness.
Some criticize OP for framing losses as only the wife’s.
Others question OP’s vows and hypothetical future scenarios.
Some seek info on wife’s physical ability to carry again.
Some express sympathy for the wife if OP leaves.
This saga leaves us pondering life’s cruel curveballs: our Redditor vows love eternal, yet fatherhood calls like a siren. Do you think pressing pause on kids honors her healing, or does his dream deserve wings too?
Would you stay, counseling in tow, or seek a fresh chapter? How do you balance “forever” with unforeseen heartbreak? Share your hot takes!
