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Stepmom Draws The Line At Paying For Private School After Step-Daughter Chooses To Keep Her Baby

by Leona Pham
November 8, 2025
in Social Issues

When a teen pregnancy changes the course of a young woman’s life, the choices surrounding financial support can become a minefield. One Redditor has supported her stepdaughter by covering her expensive private high school tuition, but when An announces her pregnancy, the Redditor sets a boundary: she won’t continue to fund the fancy schooling if An decides to keep the baby.

Her husband, however, feels this will negatively affect her stepdaughter’s future, leading to a tense disagreement. The Redditor, determined not to reward “irresponsibility,” stands by her decision. Is her decision to cut off financial support justified, or is she punishing An for a mistake she didn’t make? Keep reading to see how this conflict unfolds.

After her stepdaughter became pregnant, a woman decided to stop funding her fancy school tuition and future expenses unless she gave up the pregnancy

Stepmom Draws The Line At Paying For Private School After Step-Daughter Chooses To Keep Her Baby
not the actual photo

'AITA for refusing to pay for my step-daughter's expenses after she got pregnant?'

My husband was a teen dad, we will refer to his daughter as An.

An's mom, grandma and ggrandma were all teen moms. An is now 16 years old, and pregnant.

An stays mostly with us because I am the one who pays (most of– 75%) her private high school tuition.

It had always been my husband who pays for An's expenses.

When An turned 14 she wanted to move in with us to start her high school(HS) in the big city we live in.

We checked on HS and since public school is terrible here, we decided to enroll her in a fancy private HS.

She has always been set that she wanted to be an economist, and that she wanted to move to another country to pursue her dream.

I have been separating some money for this purpose, too.

My husband and I came to an agreement that I would also help her dream to come true,

but I would cease any economic help towards her tuition if she became a teen mom (An did NOT know this) and he agreed.

This conversation took place two years ago... And now, An is pregnant as soon as she finished her first year.

I laid some facts down to An, gave her some articles and statistics about how teen moms are one of the most vulnerable groups of people,

that this will hinder her dream of going to another country to study and that she knows the stigma it comes with.

I recommended she terminated the pregnancy. An's mom is ECSTATIC and so is her grandma.

They have this weird belief where they think they can make it for so much better for her than it was for them because of "all the experience".

I think they're absolute loonies; I bet they don't even have the money to pay for the hospital when the time comes.

I believe they think we will pay for all of the unborn child's costs.

I am dead serious about stopping tuition and using the money I've been saving in other stuff if An decides to carry on with the pregnancy.

I have NOT and will NOT make the ultimatum of "terminate or I'll stop paying your tuition",

but I will tell her that I won't pay for her nice school and her child's expenses if she decides she wants to keep it.

I don't even want to become one of those grandmas who take care of the child. I firmly believe a normal teen life has to be child-free.

Money will go to some of the child's expenses and I will give no more.

An can either enroll in a public high school (or one within her dad's budget) and set herself for a uni scholarship under dad's budget.

My husband is telling me I need to understand the situation.

I do not and will not endorse this teen mom dynasty in any way, this is the hill I will die on.

I can actually continue paying for her fancy high school, saving (a lot less) for the uni, and some of the future child's expenses too,

but I feel like I'll be rewarding her for being irresponsible and f__king myself over something I shouldn't.

Husband firmly believes I am doing this to punish An and I am being an ass for compromising her future over this matter. AITA?

Edit/Commonly asked questions: Ann will NOT stop attending high school- she will just stop attending the fancy private school.

I will use that same money to finance some of the child's caring, but I also feel this is not my baggage

and has to be something bio mom and dad have to solve themselves (I still need to make a budget,

but I don't think I will pay the full $1000 equivalent of tuition a month on child support, bio mom has to pay at least something once in her life).

No, I will NOT make an ultimatum. I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO ANN ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

I plan on telling her I can't support fancy high school + child support, but not both.

She STILL will be able to attend a less prestigious school, not a bad one but not the best, that her father would finance.

If father and bio mom want fancy high school, they should pay them themselves.

I will definitely NOT pay for the private university. The country's private universities tend to give scholarships; she could apply for one.

I AM NOT CLOSING HER EDUCATIONAL OPTIONS.

I may not be giving her the best (the money for her to go to LSE, for example) but I am not giving her the worst.

Finally, the father of the upcoming child is a young man she met in some of her extra activities outside of school.

Parents said they would pay for child support, but unless this teen gets a part time job

(part time jobs here to high school students pay around 200 a month),

The parents will only be able to give $300 a month. That would cover a month of 5hour/5days a week daycare.

Another edit because forgot to add: Ann was supposed to be on the pill.

Gyn recommended the pill instead of an implant because of some reproductive issues bio mom has.

She stopped taking the pill because mom told her she would get fat and then proceeded to educate her on the "natural" way, as in having s__ before,

during, and some days after her period. Husband and I have been teaching her s__-ed since she got her first period when she was 11,

but I'm fearing of bio mom's teachings, and at this point I just want to fist fight bio mom.

We’ve all been there, caught between doing what’s right and doing what feels right for the people we care about. It’s never easy, especially when the choices you make seem to affect the future of someone you love. OP finds herself in a tug-of-war between her values and her emotions.

On one hand, she’s deeply committed to helping her stepdaughter, An, build a successful future. On the other hand, she feels that enabling An’s decisions, especially now that she’s pregnant, will lead to long-term consequences that will be hard to undo.

The emotional core of OP’s decision is rooted in frustration, frustration with An’s unplanned pregnancy, frustration with her husband’s soft stance, and a genuine concern that this is an opportunity for An to learn the consequences of her actions.

However, OP’s stance is not just about setting boundaries, it’s also about her need to feel like her support is not taken for granted. She believes that stepping back now will teach An responsibility, but this decision also leaves OP feeling disconnected and unsure of how to balance love, support, and boundaries.

Her husband, on the other hand, feels conflicted. He wants to protect his daughter from the harsh reality of the situation, and he sees OP’s approach as punitive. It’s clear that, despite OP’s attempts to hold firm, her heart is torn between holding her ground and wanting to protect An from the consequences of a decision she might regret.

This situation is complicated emotionally, OP wants to be the supportive stepmother, but she’s also faced with the reality that sometimes the hardest decisions, like withdrawing support, might actually be the ones that help a person grow.

But in doing so, she risks alienating the very family she’s trying to help. It’s the struggle between protecting someone’s future and protecting the bond they share. In a blended family, those emotional nuances can be even harder to navigate.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These commenters supported the OP’s decision, emphasizing that it’s her money and she has the right to decide how to spend it

MadoogsL − NTA It's your money; do with it what makes you feel comfortable.

I think you're being very generous to pay for most of her schooling

and I understand why you would feel uncomfortable continuing to support her after this.

But have a discussion with An about it before announcing your decision. I don't think the 16 year old is necessarily the a__hole.

I think the husband who is expecting his wife to continue to pay for her stepdaughter is TA;

if he feels so strongly about it then maybe he should take over more of or at least an equal amount of the financial burden.

dog_show_judge − Who the heck wants to be a great grandma at 45? So many people are skipping over the word "great"

when it makes a big difference, so I decided to bold it.

bluetrench − NTA. You have been more than generous with this girl who you seemingly have no legal obligation towards.

You set guidelines with her father, and he agreed to them. You are not the a__hole for wanting to follow through with your word.

It's funny that your husband thinks that you are compromising her future. It seems to me that she compromised her own future.

Edit: Based on OP's edit, I have to say that Bio Mom definitely shares some (or most) of the blame here. Not necessarily the daughter.

vodka_philosophy − NTA. Beyond assisting with An's basic expenses, you aren't required to do more

and have been very generous in trying to help her achieve her dreams.

It's not like she'd be denied an education; it just won't be at that particular expensive school

(which might expel her anyway for the pregnancy if the school is religion-based as many private schools are).

akelew − An's mom is ECSTATIC and so is her grandma. They have this weird belief where they think they can make it

so much better for her than it was for them because of "all the experience". Oh man, this is gonna be a complete wreck.

Mom and grandma are probably making out that if she aborts, they will disown her, it's probably not even an options.

sendhelpandthensome − NTA. Your husband's being TA for guilting you into this when he was well aware of your conditions and agreed to it.

I would say that he should pay for the support himself if he wants to, but I'm of the opinion that you two,

as An's parents, should present a unified front on this issue.

It would send mixed messages and might be overall confusing and partly enabling otherwise.

As long as you don't disown her and still provide for her basic needs (education, food, shelter, etc. ),

then you're well within your rights to not pay for extras (fancy school).

And didn't know about that specific condition about not getting pregnant, but she should know that these actions have consequences.

More so because she has people in her family who went through the same thing.

That said, I do hope though that you gave her ample information about family planning and contraceptives,

else you'd kinda be TA for not giving her the tools to live up to your expectations.

Still, agreeing with someone else in the comments that you should have an open and honest conversation with her to help her understand your decision.

imsohonky − NTA. This is a completely morally justified hill to die on.

However, if you're going to do this, you should be willing to lose you marriage over this.

Even if it's just a remote possibility, that's the potential endgame you're looking at here.

Mortifydman − NTA. You don't owe her a private education, you don't have to foot the bill for a baby you tried to prevent,

and she's an F-ing moron for getting off the pill in the first place.

You tried hard, you made a deal with your husband and now he wants you to back out of it because the s__t hit the fan.

If she doesn't terminate, then she deserves the life she has chosen for herself

and it's not your job to make it ok or more convenient for her. Gran and her Mom can do that since they are actively encouraging keeping the baby.

miss_hush − NTA. Reasoning: It’s your money, you are not obligated to spend it on An. Period, end of story.

That said, what you should probably do is lay out some options. No matter what, she needs a long-term birth control like Mirena or Skyla.

Does she know that carrying pregnancy to term is going to change her metabolism and may make her fat? Ironic.

You can’t just cut her off entirely, unless you want to be the AH. So here’s your viable options:

First, She can terminate, and continue living as she’s been.

Second: She can have the baby, and with your assistance, she can choose how to spend a budgeted amount of money for her schooling and child,

plus the child’s expenses. The total should be no more than you’re currently paying.

Third: She can choose to get a job to supplement the budget that you are providing

in order to maintain something closer to her current standard of living and schooling.

Fourth: Her Bio-parents can choose to supplement said budget to maintain her current standard of living.

These options relieve you from having to pay more, which you said long ago you wouldn’t do.

It also gives her a taste of the real world consequences that come from making bad choices.

It also could mean that her Bio-family has consequences that come with encouraging unwise choices, which is good.

Order66-Cody − NTA, An should know first hand the effects of teen pregnancy. You are not obligated to pay anything to her.

Also tell your husband you are not punishing her you are just not enabling her.

Again, you are not obligated to pay for anything nor should your husband pressure you cause you made a deal with him.

However, this user claimed everyone was wrong

beehappee_ − Honestly, this is a tough one, I'm pretty torn. I'm going to have to go with ESH.

Clearly, An has not had the greatest influences in her life.

We don't know a lot about you, but judging from what you lay out in this post, you seem to be financially responsible, at the very least.

It is also kind that you care for An enough to set money aside for her future, despite the fact that she isn't your biological daughter.

You are under no obligation to pay for anything.

My issue here lies in the fact that, at this point, you are trying to force her hand

by asking her to choose between her future and the child she is carrying. I'm pro-choice to the fullest extent and I believe that yes,

An's life would probably benefit from the termination of this pregnancy.

However, if she doesn't want to, it is her body and her decision.

I fully understand and support your decision not to financially support the child or have a hand in raising it.

However, withdrawing financial support for An's education will ultimately negatively impact her future far more than a pregnancy alone.

Right now, she needs an incredible amount of support.

It would serve her best to encourage her, assist her in establishing a secure future for her and her child,

and help her find a part-time job so that she can financially provide for her baby when the time comes.

This is just my opinion, it's a really difficult situation all around.

I think everyone here is a little in the wrong and you're just trying to do what you feel is right,

but please consider the implications of your actions on the future of a young girl who,

despite all outward appearances, is probably confused and afraid and trying to figure out how she's going to manage this.

Do you think OP’s decision will teach An a valuable lesson, or will it create more harm than good? How would you handle the situation if you were in OP’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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