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Mother’s Tough Rule Backfires When Daughter Drops Therapy Appointment To Follow It

by Katy Nguyen
November 12, 2025
in Social Issues

Household expectations often become battlegrounds when teenagers are involved. What looks like a basic chore to an adult can feel overwhelming or unimportant to someone juggling school, work, emotions, and relationships.

That gap in perspective can turn an ordinary rule into something far more complicated. This situation escalated the moment a long delayed chore collided with an already packed schedule.

A parent hoped to spark responsibility, yet the ripple effect touched something more meaningful than a messy room.

The aftermath left everyone questioning whether the lesson taught was the lesson intended.

Mother’s Tough Rule Backfires When Daughter Drops Therapy Appointment To Follow It
Not the actual photo

'AITA for "making" my 17yo miss her therapy appointment to clean her closet?'

My daughter's (17f) closet is an absolute pigsty; you can't even see the floor, it's nearly knee deep in stuff.

I have been after her for WEEKS to clean it up, and she keeps saying "I'll do it later".

I had ENOUGH and told her she cannot go out with friends or her boyfriend until her closet is clean.

Unfortunately, that week she had work and prior commitments at school, so she only had one free afternoon where she was going to see her therapist (she is in therapy...

She was also going to go with her boyfriend's family on a day trip the following weekend.

I figured missing that would finally get through to her to get it done after several weeks of constantly putting it off.

Instead, she cancelled her therapy appointment (as it was her only free afternoon) because she didn't want to miss going with her boyfriend this weekend.

Her therapist said I was wrong to do this because she needs her therapy, and this was a "dumb hill to die on."

I told her she's been putting this off for weeks and won't listen, and I don't know how else to get through to her. I refuse to live like slobs....

EDIT: I didn't tell her "cancel therapy to clean your closet," I said, "If you want to go out with your boyfriend or anyone this week closet needs to be...

I told her that how she budgets her time is up to her, just get it done. She chose to cancel the appointment to get it done.

This situation highlights the tension between teaching responsibility and supporting a teenager’s mental-health needs. The parent had grown frustrated after weeks of asking the 17-year-old to clean her closet, only to be met with delays and avoidance.

The consequence, no going out with friends until the closet was clean,seemed, in the parent’s view, like a reasonable push.

But because the teen had only one free afternoon that week, and that slot happened to be her therapy appointment, the rule unintentionally created a choice between mental-health care and weekend plans.

Predictably, the teen prioritized the social event over the appointment, which alarmed the therapist.

A broader look at adolescent mental health makes the therapist’s concern clear.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), depression and anxiety are among the most common disorders in teens, and consistent, ongoing treatment is essential for recovery.

The American Psychological Association (APA) also emphasizes that regular attendance is crucial, noting: “Effective therapy is built through consistency, stability, and ongoing engagement with the process.”

This principle is especially true for adolescents, whose progress relies heavily on routine and predictable emotional support.

When consequences clash with that structure, even unintentionally, teenagers may choose the option that offers immediate social reward, not the one that supports long-term wellbeing. This is a developmental norm, not defiance.

A more constructive approach would separate mental-health care from household discipline entirely.

Protecting therapy time as non-negotiable while breaking the closet task into smaller, manageable steps could reduce overwhelm and avoidance.

Collaborative planning or short daily goals often works better for teens dealing with anxiety or depression than all-or-nothing deadlines.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

These commenters argued that OP ignored critical signs of depression and punished her daughter for symptoms she can’t simply “push through.”

EvolvingWren − Yep, YTA. That therapy appointment may be the only thing keeping your kid together right now, and you act like it's a hobby.

Gross, OP. I suggest you reschedule for her and schedule something for yourself, maybe learn some coping skills...

At least do some research into WHY depressed folks struggle with hygiene before you go off on an already very fragile human.

Edit to add: OP is still TA for going off on her kid when they already know they're fragile.

This entire situation would not have occurred if Mom had done the research about hygiene and depression.

Sipazianna − YTA. How does your daughter's closet affect you?

I don't understand why having a mess behind a closed door would upset you so badly, especially because at this age, you should not be spending much time in her...

You tried to cut your daughter off from her emotional and social support systems because her closet bothered you.

This did not teach your daughter to clean her closet.

It taught her that you are willing to force her away from her friends, boyfriend, and therapist if she upsets you, which is exactly the kind of thing she will...

You're also teaching her that if someone is mad at her, they're allowed to isolate her.

If the messy closet is really so truly, deeply upsetting to you, the natural, sensible consequence for not organizing her space is that she won't be able to find things...

That's how learning works. She will not learn through punishment; she'll learn when she wants a specific shirt for a specific event and can't find it.

realstareyes − YTA. She needs therapy, and when her therapist, who probably knows about the underlying issues far more than you could ever imagine, tells you that you f__ked up.

Guess what? Listen and do better next time.

[Reddit User] − YTA! You do realize that disorganization/messiness (or in your words, "slob") is one of the many symptoms of depression?

Since her closet (why are you worried about her closet? ) is still messy, she is likely still in a depressive state and NEEDS to go to therapy.

Talk about putting your needs above your kids, and your need is apparently a clean closet that is in her own personal space.

These users emphasized that the mother’s fixation on the mess overshadowed her daughter’s emotional needs.

whateverworks1470 − YTA, have you considered that the depression and anxiety are getting in her way of cleaning it?

Have you offered a strategy to work together, or small steps to the big goal of full cleaning?

tatersprout − YTA. Therapy shouldn't have been canceled. Why don't you set aside a time to help her organize her closet?

It may be too overwhelming for her to tackle on her own.

Fangehulmesteren − Geez, wonder why she needs that therapy so bad. YTA. Like obviously. AH priorities.

Electronic_Cobbler20 − I'm confused about how her "one free afternoon" was actually not free because she, in fact, had therapy scheduled that day.

Acrobatic-Activity94 − Posts like these remind me why I say not everyone should have kids.

Your daughter shouldn’t cancel a therapy session to clean her closet. Her therapist is right. YTA.

A different group pushed back, arguing OP isn’t the villain, the daughter made her own choice.

othersatan − I might get downvoted to s__t for this but frankly, NTA.

She chose to cancel her therapy appointment due to missing time with her boyfriend over the weekend.

Let me repeat myself, she chose to cancel her therapy appointment over missing a weekend with her boyfriend to clean her closet.

She could’ve still attended therapy, but instead she chose to cancel her therapy appointment.

OP did not tell her to cancel her therapy appointment over the dirty closet.

OP told her daughter that she couldn’t go out with friends or boyfriend until the closet is cleaned, which, as a teenager myself, IS COMPLETELY REASONABLE if the closet is...

It shouldn’t be a whole day affair; if her daughter put her mind to it and simply cleaned her closet, it would probably be done in an hour, maybe three.

Daughter made her choice but is blaming her mother.

EDIT: OP even offered to help daughter clean the closet, but denied such a thing because she didn’t want OP “going through her stuff.”

She wasn’t accepting help from OP, wasted weeks of being asked to clean it on her own free time without the threat of her friends and boyfriend being taken from...

That isn’t OP’s fault. OP would not have won either way, as OP couldn’t clean it themselves (daughter's request), daughter wouldn’t clean it themselves (after having ample time), and then...

Missing one therapy session will not k__l daughter, and maybe from here she may be able to keep her closet and room clean as to not have to deal with...

You live and you learn, but OP still didn’t make any wrong decisions; OP was parenting. OH!

Another edit: Seeing from comments further down on my own comment, a cluttered and messy closet even without food debris and dishes can still attract mold, bugs, and rodents because...

It can be a hazard & simply more than just “disorderly and messy”, it can be disgusting with what it can attract.

perublanket39 − I’ll go against the grain and say NTA. OP did NOT tell her to cancel therapy.

Her daughter made a bad decision, and felt going with her boyfriend would be better for her depression than cleaning her environment/seeing a professional.

I do think maybe OP waited too long to put ground rules (shouldn’t have put it off for weeks), but it’s not her fault her daughter sabotaged herself and manipulated...

sharklings − I am not understanding the YTAs at all. You did not tell her to cancel therapy.

Yes, she needs to go to therapy, and yes, her depression and anxiety are factors in why her room is a mess.

But she’s the one who cancelled therapy because she prioritized going somewhere with her boyfriend.

Being depressed is not an excuse to only do fun things. She’s only hurting herself here. NTA and I don’t care if I’m downvoted to hell for it.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I feel like everyone is missing the crucial part that you didn’t make her skip therapy to clean her room.

You gave her a very reasonable deadline to clean her room (a full week, after asking her for weeks) and a reasonable consequence to not meeting that deadline (not seeing...

Therapy is like 2 hours max. She could have spent 30 minutes a day cleaning, but she didn’t manage her time well, and then she made the choice to cancel...

Her choosing her friends over therapy is not your fault.

CallMeSourdoughLoaf − NTA. I don’t know why so many people are saying YTA when your daughter is the one who cancelled her own therapy appointment without even telling you.

Some users tried to add nuance, pointing out small gaps in the story and asking for clarity before assigning blame.

Evening-Government56 − INFO: Did your daughter just call and cancel the appointment without telling you?

Or did you tell her to pick between therapy and the day trip?

By the end of this story, it’s clear the real conflict wasn’t about a messy closet, it was about clashing priorities and a teenager stuck between mental health needs and household expectations.

Do you think the parent set a reasonable boundary, or did the ultimatum unintentionally derail something more important? How would you balance discipline with a teen’s therapy needs? Share your take below!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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