In relationships, it’s normal for partners to care about each other’s well-being, but what happens when one person’s concern turns into control? One young woman found herself in a tough spot after a serious injury caused by a hobby she loved, skateboarding.
Her boyfriend had made it clear he didn’t like her skateboarding, but she didn’t let that stop her. After a bad fall landed her in the hospital, she expected empathy and support. Instead, he seemed more interested in reminding her of his “right” to control her choices. Was he right to feel justified in punishing her for not listening, or was his behavior over the top?
A woman gets seriously injured skateboarding, but her boyfriend refuses to visit, saying she needs to learn a lesson for not listening to him
The OP in this situation finds herself caught in a scenario where her boyfriend, Liam, expresses deep concern about her skateboarding hobby, a passion she’s had since childhood. His fear that she might get hurt is understandable, as many people feel protective of those they care about.
However, it’s crucial to examine why this concern went from a simple expression of care to an ultimatum: stop skateboarding or risk their relationship.
Liam’s request for the OP to stop skateboarding might be rooted in a natural, protective instinct. According to Dr. Susan David, a psychologist who specializes in emotional well-being, people often express concern out of love, driven by a fear of losing someone or seeing them hurt.
For Liam, the thought of his girlfriend engaging in an activity that could lead to injury might trigger a strong emotional response. He’s likely afraid of the worst-case scenario, seeing her hurt, which can be incredibly distressing for someone who cares about you deeply. This kind of protective feeling is common, especially when someone is emotionally invested in the other person’s well-being.
However, Liam’s behavior becomes problematic when this concern crosses into the realm of control. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, explains that concern for a partner’s well-being is natural, but it becomes unhealthy when it starts to limit the other person’s autonomy.
In this case, by insisting that the OP stop skateboarding altogether, Liam is attempting to dictate what she can and can’t do, rather than simply expressing his fears and letting her make the final decision.
His desire to “protect” her becomes about him managing his own anxiety rather than respecting her right to enjoy something that’s meaningful to her.
For the OP, skateboarding isn’t just a hobby; it’s something that has been a part of her life since childhood, something that brings her exhilaration and joy. It’s clear that this activity is an essential part of who she is, and the request to stop doing it doesn’t just feel like a simple safety measure, but rather an infringement on her autonomy and identity.
Psychologist Dr. Laura Berman notes that in healthy relationships, both partners should respect each other’s boundaries and personal passions, even when they disagree. The OP’s skateboarding may involve risks, but it’s her choice to take them, just as Liam has the right to express concern, but not to control her choices.
The emotional dynamics here suggest a deeper issue: Liam’s refusal to visit the OP in the hospital after she got hurt. While he may have felt justified in his belief that the OP needed to “learn a lesson” for not listening to him, his failure to offer emotional support when she needed it most reveals a lack of empathy and care. This is a significant red flag in the relationship.
A loving partner would acknowledge the injury, offer comfort, and be there for their loved one, especially after such a serious accident. Instead, Liam’s response seems to be more about punishing her for not obeying him, rather than showing genuine concern for her well-being.
From a psychological standpoint, this reflects an imbalance in their relationship. Dr. Lundy Bancroft, an expert on abusive relationships, explains that when one partner tries to control the other’s actions, it creates an unhealthy power dynamic.
Liam’s behavior; trying to control the OP’s skateboarding and then punishing her when she’s hurt; suggests a desire for control, not care. In healthy relationships, emotional support should be unconditional, not contingent on whether the partner follows the other’s directives.
In the end, the OP’s story is a reminder of the importance of mutual respect, trust, and autonomy in relationships. While Liam’s concerns about her safety might come from a place of love, his actions reveal an underlying issue with control. It’s important for both partners to support each other’s passions and respect each other’s decisions, even if they disagree.
The OP deserves to be supported during her recovery, not punished for making a choice that brings her happiness. Relationships should be built on empathy, understanding, and a healthy balance of care and personal freedom.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This group strongly warned against staying in a relationship with someone who shows controlling behavior
These commenters pointed out the abusive potential of the boyfriend’s behavior
This group emphasized the importance of being with someone who truly cares and supports you
These commenters further underscored the dangerous trajectory of being with someone who seeks to control every aspect of life
In the end, this situation highlights the difference between concern and control. While Liam’s fear for OP’s safety might have come from a place of caring, his refusal to visit after her injury, paired with his demand for her to “learn a lesson,” crosses a line into manipulation.
True care and love involve supporting each other through tough times, not punishing one another for mistakes. OP’s family and friends clearly showed up for her, but Liam’s response was not one of empathy or love. Was Liam’s stance justified in his mind, or did he overstep in a relationship that’s supposed to be about mutual respect?
