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Mom Reaches Breaking Point And Tells Family To Take Care Of Their Own Complaints, Now They’re Silent

by Layla Bui
November 18, 2025
in Social Issues

Balancing work, school, and family life can be overwhelming, especially when one person is carrying most of the household load. One Redditor found herself struggling to keep up with everything after starting her graduate degree.

As complaints started pouring in from her husband and kids about things not being up to their usual standard, she finally snapped. In a candid family meeting, she told them they needed to take on more responsibility if they were unhappy with the state of things.

But after her words sparked tension at home, she’s questioning whether she went too far. Was she right to demand more help, or did she overstep? Keep reading to see how her family reacted and whether she was justified in her approach.

A mom tells her family to take responsibility for their own chores after months of complaints and neglect

Mom Reaches Breaking Point And Tells Family To Take Care Of Their Own Complaints, Now They’re Silent
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my family if they don’t like the way something is, they can take care of it themselves?'

I am married and have 3 kids, all are teens.

My husband and I both work and my kids are in school and do sports or clubs after school.

I recently hit a ceiling in my field and in order to continue to grow professionally,

I had to get a graduate degree, so I started my masters degree.

In the past, I usually did most of the chores.

My husband does the typical “man” chores” my kids have some of their own chores

like doing their own laundry, taking turns sweeping/vacuuming, cleaning their own bathroom, etc.

I did a majority of the rest and all of the cooking.

I am a year into my degree. At the start I was keeping up with the chores I did before,

but it quickly wasn’t possible. I asked for help and was told “everything is fine, you’re being too picky”.

But over time, my family seems to be getting fed up.

They’ve been complaining about things a lot lately.

From eating frozen meals (I make them myself in a large batch and freeze them for later),

to the floors having stains (if you cleaned up skills, they wouldn’t be there!),

the stairs have dust and pet fur on them, etc.

If they bring it up, I tell them they are capable of handling it, but they just walk away and it doesn’t get done.

I’m doing what I can, but between work, school, and everything else at home, it can’t all be done.

We aren’t living in squalor, i just can’t get to the finer details like I could before.

Yesterday, my husband came to me while I was doing my homework

and said the shower curtain liner in our bathroom was moldy. This pushed me over the edge.

I had my family come into the living room and told them that if they don’t like how something is,

they have able bodies and can deal with it themself.

That they have the skills to clean, I have just been taking care of so much they didn’t see.

Now I need them to step up. That they don’t like something, they need to step up and take care of it.

And how I also plan to redistribute chores.

My kids were arguing that they shouldn’t have to do more, they’re in school and busy afterwards.

I told them that I don’t care, I am busy too! And I can’t do it all.

That need to step up or shut up, in nicer terms.

That night my husband told me I was too harsh and need to lighten up.

He says I was rude and basically telling them their feelings don’t matter and I need to lay off of them.

I told him the message wasn’t only for the kids, it was for him too. He needs to step up.

But afterwards, I started to doubt myself and felt too harsh. No one is really talking to me right now.

I’m worrying now I was too harsh. I did change up the status quo in the house for my own personal reasons.

So AITA for telling them if they see something they don’t like,

they need to step up and take care of it and not complain about it?

It’s easy to empathize with OP’s frustration. Many parents know the feeling of being overwhelmed with work, school, and family responsibilities, all while trying to maintain a home. OP was doing her best to juggle multiple roles, but as she pointed out, something had to give.

The emotional toll of feeling like you’re the only one pulling the weight at home can lead to resentment, which is exactly what OP felt when her family continued to complain without stepping up.

It’s understandable that OP snapped after months of being overwhelmed and feeling unsupported, especially when her efforts, like making homemade frozen meals, were met with complaints instead of appreciation.

Psychologically, OP’s reaction can be explained through emotional exhaustion. Research shows that when people are stretched too thin, they often reach a breaking point, where anger and frustration emerge as the brain’s natural reaction to feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated.

OP’s comment about “if you don’t like it, you can take care of it yourself” was likely an emotional release after dealing with constant pressure.

As Dr. Tasha R. Howe, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When someone is overloaded with tasks, they can develop what’s known as ‘resentment fatigue,’ where small annoyances become emotionally charged.”

While OP’s frustration is understandable, communication is key in situations like this. From the perspective of her children and husband, their response was likely due to the expectation of a stable routine, where OP had previously taken on a majority of the household tasks.

The sudden shift in responsibilities could have felt like a burden to them, especially if they hadn’t been prepared for it. It’s also worth considering that OP’s husband might have felt caught between supporting his wife and protecting the peace at home, which is why he suggested she “lighten up.”

Dr. John Gottman, an expert on relationships, suggests that when people feel overwhelmed, they might lash out in ways that damage connection instead of fostering it. He advises that “couples need to discuss emotional needs without creating a sense of guilt or defensiveness.”

This is why OP’s conversation could have been framed differently, with more empathy and understanding toward the family’s emotional needs, rather than issuing an ultimatum.

In the end, OP’s outburst may have been a wake-up call for her family, but how they respond moving forward will determine whether it strengthens their household dynamics or leads to further tension.

A more open conversation, where everyone’s workload and feelings are considered, could have prevented this situation from escalating.

While boundaries are important, empathy and clear communication can help create solutions that everyone feels invested in.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters support OP’s decision to stand firm and enforce boundaries

mofa90277 − In my family, chores and home responsibilities were a higher priority than sports and clubs.

If the kids have time for sports, they have time to cancel their sports and do chores.

And I’m sorry: a moldy shower curtain can be replaced for a few dollars and five minutes of work.

Your husband should hang his head in shame for being a weenie. Edit to add: NTA

Dittoheadforever − You're NTA and if they're not going to step up,

I would hire a housekeeping service and pay for it out of whatever you budget for Fun Money or luxuries.

You all want to order pizza? Nope, no longer in the budget. Oh, hubby, you wanted to play golf this weekend?

Nope. Concert? Nope. Time to pay for basketball/soccer? Nope.

Oh, and those name brand shoes you wanted? Nope. Your husband is the king of the A-Hs in my book.

If he wasn't being so useless. and trying to be the fun parent, you wouldn't have had to be "harsh."

And I use the quote marks because I shudder to even think of what my mom would have done

if I complained to her that she wasn't doing "her" household chores to my satisfaction.

PleaseCoffeeMe − Your family was treating you like a maid. NTA

Most-Jacket8207 − Short answer: No. Long answer: It's about damn time you snapped.

Dear husband and teens can get off their asses and help out unlike what they have been doing.

You are pushing a minimum of 70 to 80 hr work weeks for your job and your degree.

The kids need to step up, because you are not going to be around to be their maid and caretaker.

Your husband REALLY needs to step the f__k up. Why did you shoulder all the house work?

Is he physically incapable of spraying bathroom cleaner in the shower?

Does he not know how to operate a vacuum cleaner? Is he a quadriplegic?

If they don't want to clean and cook, then they can get a cleaning and cooking service. Don't take anymore excuses.

This group focused on teaching the kids and husband responsibility for chores

National-Plastic8691 − NTA If your husband didn’t get that he was being called out as well,

maybe you weren’t harsh enough. That said, you’d wanted your husband to stop complaining

then you did a family meeting. I think you might want to be able to speak directly to each person in the moment.

If your husband shows you something moldy, you can say “Great, I can’t wait to see it after you clean it”

Most kid over 6 can clean their own rooms and do their own laundry.

I hope you do help them learn how. They can also prepare a meal each week.

Please set expectations with your husband on his responsibilities such as meal prep as well.

asurkhaib − NTA your husband outright said that his and the kids feelings matter but yours don't

HelloThere4123 − The alternative, if they don’t want to step up and contribute,

is to hire a maid and take the $ from their fun budget.

When the kids don’t have extra funds for their afterschool activities and dad can’t go golfing as much,

they might decide it’s worth it to pitch in.

notjimbelushi420 − NTA. they need to be learning these skills so that they know how to keep a house clean when they’re adults.

Your husband also needs to be doing more. Tell him if he doesn’t know how to do something,

there’s probably a YouTube video on how to do it. Men love YouTube

These commenters condemned the family’s unreasonable expectations and lack of respect

scienceislice − Your husband can’t Amazon prime a new shower curtain??? Really???

You’re surrounded by a bunch of assholes. I suggest taking a little vacation for yourself.

chelsijay − These people all got spoiled \rotten\ by everything you were doing for them

- it's the only way to explain the complaining about unmet expectations...

I doubt seriously that you were too harsh, this is the same old tired trope that people lay on women

who start telling the truth and expecting those around them to be accountable for their own actions going forward.

You could have spoken in your nicest most honeyed voice with all smiles

- and they would still blame you for telling them to take care of their own stuff

and not depend on you to do all the work. OP you're NTA.

faxmachine13 − Oh no no no, and I have to angry laugh at your husband for thinking that discussion was only for the kids

- when it mainly should be on him!! NTA and good luck, hope your family gets their heads out of their asses (mainly your husband)

After months of being overwhelmed, this mom’s outburst was the wake-up call her husband and kids needed. Sometimes, it’s not about being harsh; it’s about making sure everyone understands that everyone is responsible for keeping the household running.

So, what do you think? Was this mom right to call out her family, or should she have approached it differently? And how do you divide chores in your house? Share your thoughts below!

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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Comments 1

  1. Arjayess says:
    1 day ago

    You DARE ask this?
    Those ‘poor’, ‘innocent’, children are only a year (or four) away from possibly having to leave home to flat (‘room’) at a university (‘college’) – and you want to sully the memories with them doing EXTRA chores?!?!
    Just so their bone-idle mother gets a bit more time to juggle regular work, advanced degree studies AND housework?
    🤣🤣
    Uh, NO WAY are YOU the arsehole!
    And your husband’s not being very supportive, btw.

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