Mother-In-Law Kicks DIL To The Curb After She Talks Behind Her Back, Is It Too Much?

When you invite someone to join a family gathering, you hope they’ll feel welcomed and appreciated. That was the case when a mother planned a special girls’ weekend for her daughters and daughters-in-law to help build stronger bonds.

The trip was supposed to be a fun and inclusive experience, but it took a sour turn after one of the daughters-in-law, Lindsey, made some hurtful remarks.

Caught in a moment of frustration, Lindsey insulted her mother-in-law and expressed her displeasure about attending the trip.

The mother now had to decide whether to let it slide or take a stand.

It’s clear the OP’s invitation came from a place of goodwill and an effort to foster connection. She extended a girls’ trip, essentials were covered by her, and she made extra efforts to include her new daughter‑in‑law (DIL).

Unfortunately, the DIL’s derogatory remarks, calling the OP an “old cow” and mocking her presence, crossed a line the OP felt unable to ignore. So the OP withdrew the invitation.

While the OP’s decision is understandable, it also triggers questions about flexibility, forgiveness, and the long‑game in family integration.

Here’s the scenario in short, OP invited daughters and DILs to a bonding weekend, hoped to ease the transition for the new DIL. But during a preliminary outing the DIL insulted OP directly.

The OP reacted by uninviting her and provided the video of the DIL’s remarks to her son for review. The son and DIL are upset, calling the OP a “jerk.” OP is considering sharing the video in the group chat but has paused at her son’s request.

From one perspective, the DIL’s behavior is insulting, disrespectful, and undermines what should be an inclusive gesture. OP had every right to expect basic courtesy when extending hospitality.

On the other hand, the DIL is transitioning into a new family, possibly feels out of place or pressured; her insult may be a misplaced defense mechanism or reveal a deeper discomfort.

The question becomes “was uninviting the DIL a proportionate response, or could the OP have opted for a corrective conversation before exclusion?”

Broadening this out, family dynamics around in‑laws are evolving.

According to therapist Peg Streep writing for Psychology Today, the increase in adult children staying connected with their parents has coincided with rising reports of familial estrangement.

This suggests that tensions like these aren’t just about the people involved, they reflect a larger cultural shift in how families negotiate boundaries, roles, inclusion and respect.

Setting boundaries is important, but so is the “welcomeness” a family extends, and the DIL may have felt both included and judged all at once.

Licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab writes: “Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships.”

That quote applies aptly here. The OP established a boundary by withdrawing the invitation after disrespect. At the same time, the DIL’s boundary of feeling excluded or judged might have preceded the conflict and triggered the insult.

OP could reach out to the DIL privately and say: “I invited you because I value your presence, but I felt hurt by what was said. Can we talk about how you feel in this family and find common ground?” This opens a door rather than slamming it.

During the coming call with OP, son and DIL, OP might stipulate one clear condition: mutual respect is non‑negotiable. If the DIL cannot commit to that, the trip may not be appropriate right now, or it may need restructuring (a smaller, less expensive gathering, neutral environment).

OP should reflect on whether the “girls’ trip” framing might have felt exclusive or made the DIL feel like an outsider. Including the DIL in planning may help shift her mindset from guest to family member.

For the DIL, encourage her to express her feelings: does she feel judged, sidelined or insecure? Sometimes acknowledging that gives the other party relief.

OP should also decide in advance how she’ll handle the video. If the intention is accountability rather than shaming, the son and DIL should be involved in that decision, not blindsided.

Over time, OP might redefine “girls’ trip” invitations as “family ladies’ retreat” to reflect the DILs’ place in the family, which may reduce perceived us‑vs‑them energy.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

These Redditors cheered the OP’s decision to send the video to their son first, advising them to give him the chance to clean up the mess.

This group backed the OP for standing their ground, stressing that the DIL’s disrespectful behavior, bad-mouthing the OP to the family, was enough to warrant being uninvited.

These commenters roasted the DIL, calling her behavior immature and manipulative.

This group was particularly vocal about the DIL’s poor judgment in speaking negatively about her MIL, especially in front of other family members.

A final note of agreement, suggesting that the video should be shared with the group

This family drama certainly has its share of fiery emotions. The OP felt justified in uninviting her DIL after the hurtful comments, but now the family’s in turmoil. Was it fair to withdraw the invitation, or did the OP overreact by holding onto the hurt?

Family dynamics can be tough to navigate, especially with secrets bubbling under the surface. How would you have handled this situation? Would you have confronted the DIL sooner, or tried to keep the peace? Drop your thoughts below!