Some family secrets are easier to keep than others. After a fun day of wedding dress shopping, one woman found herself alone with her brother-in-law, who shocked her with a confession: he’d been harboring feelings for her for years.
Completely thrown off guard, she quickly told him that she didn’t feel the same and made a hasty exit. But now she’s left wondering what her next move should be.
Should she tell his fiancée about what happened, or should she let her husband handle it?
It makes sense the OP is feeling swept up in this emotional mess, when a trusted family member crossed a boundary, it sent shockwaves through more than just a single relationship.
The OP has always viewed her brother‑in‑law purely as a friend or brother‑figure. He took advantage of a moment of trust and blur between friend, family member and fiancé’s bridesmaid, and confessed feelings that had no place.
The staging, dress shopping, mimosa brunch, bedroom‑adjacent kitchen, blurred familial roles and erased hard boundaries. What the OP froze on was a betrayal of the sibling covenant: the fiancé, the husband’s brother, the family.
Here’s what we’re dealing with: the brother‑in‑law admitted romantic attraction after a long friendship; the OP responded clearly but now must pick the path forward. The fiancé and husband are implicated.
The OP’s decision to tell her husband was the right first step. But the question of whether to tell the fiancé or compel the brother‑in‑law to is still hanging because how you manage such boundary transgression matters for long‑term trust.
Research into in‑law relationships highlights how blurry family roles can create strain. A psychologist writes that the integration of in‑laws brings emotional complexity: “Maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial in all relationships, including in‑law dynamics.”
Another therapist says that establishing firm boundaries with extended family is vital: “Healthy boundaries are not about keeping other people out; instead, they’re about letting other people safely in.”
In this case the brother‑in‑law violated safe‑inclusion by confessional intrusion; the OP now must restore safety.
The OP should sit down with her husband as soon as possible and clearly share what happened. This is foundational because the husband must be aligned.
The OP and her husband should together decide if and how the fiancé is told. Often it’s healthier if the transgressor (the brother‑in‑law) takes responsibility, i.e., he talks to his fiancé about his feelings, with support.
That allows the OP to maintain distance and avoid being the messenger.
The OP must set a boundary with her brother‑in‑law, one clear message that the relationship must revert strictly to “sister‑in‑law / brother‑in‑law” as before, with no further intimate disclosures, alone meetings, or boundary‑blurred contexts.
Consider counselling or family mediation. These dynamics don’t disappear; they ripple into sibling relationships, marriage, family strain. Having a neutral facilitator may help them all navigate this without destructive fallout.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
These commenters all agreed that the OP should talk to their husband first, as it’s critical that the husband is fully informed and on the same page.
This group was focused on protecting the OP’s relationship with her husband and ensuring the situation was handled delicately.
These commenters expressed shock and disappointment over the BIL’s actions, and they all strongly encouraged the OP to tell her husband immediately.
This group advised the OP to carefully consider the consequences of sharing the information with anyone other than the husband first.
These commenters, while understanding the need for careful handling, were more direct, urging the OP to get the truth out before the BIL does.
The OP is caught in an incredibly uncomfortable situation, where her brother-in-law’s confession of feelings has left her shaken and unsure about the next steps.
She clearly values her relationship with her husband and his fiancée, but this secret now creates a moral dilemma.
Should she tell the fiancée, let her husband handle it, or just leave it alone for the sake of family peace? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and advice below!
