When families blend through marriage, things can sometimes get a little tricky, especially when it comes to the exes. OP, a mother and grandmother, loves displaying photos of her family, including her son’s ex, Helena. But when her son Gavin’s new wife, Cheri, asked her to remove the pictures, things took a turn.
Despite adding new pictures of Cheri to her collection, OP refuses to take down photos of Helena, believing they represent part of her family’s history. Her son insists it’s causing issues with Cheri and their son, Tommy, and is even threatening to limit his family’s visits if the photos aren’t removed.
Is OP being inflexible, or is her son and his wife asking too much? Read on to see if OP is the a**hole for standing her ground.
A grandmother refuses to remove pictures of her son’s ex from her home to appease his new wife
From the start, this person (let’s call them “the grandparent”) has long treated their home as a living scrapbook, hundreds of framed family pictures lining the walls, serving as a visible record of memories, relationships, and “who we are.”
For them, photos aren’t just decorations; they are emotional anchors, tangible expressions of belonging, family history, and identity.
Researchers who study family photo displays suggest exactly that: wall‑mounted photographs help preserve intergenerational memory, strengthen family identity, and provide emotional comfort, especially for older adults who value continuity and connection across time.
That emotional and symbolic meaning strongly explains why the grandparent resists the request to remove pictures of their son’s ex (the mother of his grandson) simply to make the new daughter‑in‑law feel “comfortable.”
For him, removing those photos would feel less like diplomacy and more like erasing part of the family’s story.
In psychological terms, this is a form of boundary‑setting: the grandparent is asserting control over his home, a private space, and protecting what feels sacred to him.
Healthy boundary setting is widely considered a core part of emotional well‑being, especially when individuals’ values clash with external demands.
Additionally, research on family photos shows that seeing oneself and loved ones in pictures around the home deeply supports self‑esteem, belonging, and emotional security.
For children and grandchildren alike, these images reinforce a sense of identity and rootedness. Even adults benefit from knowing that their place in the family is acknowledged and preserved.
So for this grandparent, keeping the photos up is a quiet, enduring way to show that “you belong here, all of you,” regardless of relationship status.
However, just because the grandparent sees the photos as meaningful doesn’t mean others will view them the same way. For the son and his wife, those images may feel uncomfortable, a reminder of past relationships.
Their request probably comes from a place of insecurity, jealousy, or fear that reminders of the past undermine the “new family” they are trying to build.
From a relational‑dynamics perspective, these tensions are “system issues”: when a family restructures (via divorce, remarriage, new partners), old symbols and memories don’t always fit smoothly into the new structure.
Some therapeutic approaches to family conflict (e.g. Structural Family Therapy) note that family systems often resist change, and when the physical environment (photos, heirlooms) doesn’t evolve with people, conflict can arise.
At the same time, many experts argue that when your home becomes a site of ongoing family tension, it can be useful to communicate, negotiate, and consider small adjustments, not necessarily complete erasure, but compromise.
Maybe a few photos could be moved to less central spaces, or grouped differently, preserving memory while respecting new emotional boundaries. That balance is exactly what “healthy boundary maintenance” calls for: protecting one’s own values while showing sensitivity to others’ comfort and feelings.
In this case, the grandparent’s decision to refuse seems justified, but the conflict also reveals a breakdown in communication and empathy. Their home, to them, is not just a house, it’s a living family archive.
But the new daughter‑in‑law, and possibly the son, see it as a spectacle of the past they’d rather not revisit. That clash between legacy and belonging, memory and comfort, is at the heart of the problem.
Family photos aren’t just images, they are stories, memories, identity. But when loved ones change, those stories can feel like burdens.
Maybe the real question isn’t which photos stay or go, but whether family members can talk openly about what those pictures mean, and find a way to honor both memory and peace in the home.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
This group agrees that the problem lies with Cheri’s jealousy and insecurity
These users think the real issue is the son’s failure to protect his child from his wife’s behavior
This group highlights the emotional manipulation and potential abuse from Cheri
These commenters stress that the son’s behavior is problematic
How much longer can Gavin ignore the emotional toll this is taking on his son? Will he continue to let his wife’s insecurities dictate the family’s interactions? OP’s decision to keep the pictures up is a bold stance, but what’s the next step for this family? Share your thoughts below!
