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Husband Demands Paternity Test After Wife Excludes Him From Birth And Calls Him ‘Useless’

by Leona Pham
December 1, 2025
in Social Issues

A man’s dream of being a supportive husband and future father crumbled after his wife’s postpartum behavior spiraled out of control. For months, he endured being slapped, shut out, and accused of doing nothing while also being the sole breadwinner and caregiver.

Things hit rock bottom when he found out about his son’s birth on Facebook. Now, facing possible paternity doubts and shattered trust, he’s questioning whether he should divorce his wife or try to salvage their family. Want the juicy details? Dive into the original story below!

A man is considering divorce after months of emotional abuse and isolation from his wife during her postpartum period

Husband Demands Paternity Test After Wife Excludes Him From Birth And Calls Him 'Useless'
not the actual photo

'AITAH for wanting to divorce my post partum wife?'

It's stupid to think I'm at this point but here I am.

My stbx wife (28F) and I (29M) have wanted kids for years and we're thrilled when she finally got pregnant last year.

From day one I wanted to be the most supportive husband and future father I could. Her father was never involved in her life.

I used to work as a tech in labor and delivery, and my brother to put it kindly is not the most involved father.

I saw too many problems up close when it came to lacking husband's, and I would be damned before I made the same mistakes.

The problem is roughly 4 weeks into her pregnancy everything started going downhill

- She stopped wanting s__. Fair enough. Hormones and stress make that a problem I went full stop.

But then she didn't want any physical interaction. No cuddling, no kissing, slowly becoming more and more distant

-Her eating constantly changed and she was terrible about it.

She would demand I get her something all day then the moment I give it to her she wants something else, screaming at me.

OK, again, hormonal issues I get it no problem. - she never let me to go any appointments, no groups she went to, spent more time away.

-became cold and bitter. Constantly angry at me. This went on for months

-slapped me a couple times when I forgot one of her dozens of tasks she assigned me during the day.

Stopped doing anything for the house a month into the pregnancy.

Sure, she's pregnant, I get it moving around is hard, but she wouldn't even do laundry about 4 weeks in and by 5 weeks I did everything.

I'm also the primary source of income. I barely sleep. im running on fumes.

-made me sleep in the guest room. Would always try and pick fights. I never once raised my voice, my hand, or my tone.

I sat there and constantly mentally reminded myself this isn't her and this would all be worth it. -she didn't want me to make any baby decisions.

No name, no work on the nursery, nothing

One month before she delivered, she yelled how f__king useless I am and how I don't do anything and that she's staying with her mother.

She didn't let me get her anything, come check on her, threatened to divorce me and get a restraining order if I even called her

A couple weeks back, I found out about the birth of my son from a Facebook post.

She posted it with her mother and some family. It f__king broke me. I tried to go to the hospital and visit. They had security kick me out.

After months of outright h__red, anger and abuse thrown at me 24/7, I f__king had it. Odds are I'm not even on the birth certificate.

I opened a new account and all my deposits go there. I took half out of our joint account.

She never bought baby stuff ahead of time, who knows what that money was going towards,

so now that she has to buy supplies for our son she's used up every cent

I've gotten a lawyer. The house is mine, I'm the only one who spent money on it in any way.

I've sent the rest of her stuff to her mother's house. I'm demanding a paternity test.

I'm not spending another damn cent until I get verification it's my son. Im absolutely divorcing her.

She chose the stay at home life, if she cheated she's screwed.

Her mother has money for a couple week stay, not even close to enough for full time support.

If he is my son, I will absolutely be getting my rights as a father for a relationship.

Last week, my stbx called. She was practically hyperventilating. She wanted to come home. She was crying how it was all a mistake.

She's not staying with her mother. She's at a friend's house. She wants to come home. She wants our son to have his father.

I told her I don't f__king believe he is my son. Why the f__k would she pull this s__t if he is?

Show me a paternity test, and I'll do everything I can for him, and him only.

She wants to meet tomorrow at a park so I can talk to her. I said sure, so I can finally say everything I should have said months ago to...

My parents are hoping we can make up, but they absolutely understand if I won't.

My brother is a deadbeat j__kass so I don't care what he has to say, but my sister thinks I should at least hear her out

When a person expects a new baby to mark the beginning of something beautiful, it hurts deeply when what arrives instead resembles emotional isolation and betrayal. Many can relate to the ache of giving love and support only to be met with silence, coldness, and fear. That sense of abandonment hits especially hard when the life you built together suddenly feels fragile and strange.

In this situation, the husband wasn’t simply deciding whether to stay married. He was balancing hope for fatherhood and commitment to his family against months of emotional neglect, loneliness, and disrespect.

He offered love, support and hard work but received distance, harsh words, exclusion from appointments and ultimately learned about his child’s birth from a public post instead of from his partner.

That kind of exclusion isn’t merely the absence of warmth; it feels like rejection, rewiring trust into suspicion. His demand for a paternity test reflects not only doubt about biology, but a psychological reaction to feeling erased from the life he thought was shared.

Seen through another lens, it might be that the wife was overwhelmed by psychological distress. Roughly 10‑20 % of new mothers develop Postpartum depression (PPD), a condition that may begin during pregnancy or after childbirth. (Mayo Clinic)

Women experiencing PPD often report persistent mood swings, irritability, fatigue, changes in sleep or appetite, and difficulty bonding, symptoms powerful enough to interfere with everyday functioning.

In one comprehensive study, mothers with high PPD scores described their partner relationships as colder, more distant, and more difficult than those without depression. (PMC)

From a psychological health perspective, the combination of hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, social stress and lack of support creates significant vulnerability.

Experts agree that PPD is not simply “bad mood,” but a legitimate medical condition requiring empathy, assessment, and often professional treatment. (Cleveland Clinic) Thus the wife’s withdrawal and anger could stem from mental overwhelm rather than deliberate cruelty.

This context doesn’t erase the hurt experienced by her husband. Yet understanding PPD sheds light on why her behavior might have spiraled and why her later emotional collapse may feel chaotic, confusing, or insincere.

Her attempt to return and ask for forgiveness could reflect remorse, shame, or longing for recovery; it might also signal the first teardrops of regret, not the resolve to rebuild. Recognizing the psychological turmoil does not automatically rebuild trust.

The path forward doesn’t have to be binary. Both parents and their baby deserve compassionate clarity. A neutral paternity test could relieve biological uncertainty. Meanwhile, individual therapy for each partner might help unpack trauma, depression, resentments, and unmet expectations.

Couple counseling could establish honest communication and shared boundaries. If reconciliation isn’t possible, clarity will still help each person move forward without carrying invisible regrets or unresolved guilt.

The husband’s pain matters. The mother’s mental state may have skewed reality for her. Amid heartbreak and chaos, the healthiest first step is to prioritize mental well-being for both of them, and for the child.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

This group urged OP to avoid private meetings and only interact with lawyers present

Fantastic_Praline243 − NTA, but please meet her in a public place, preferably with security cameras. Do not meet her alone.

SubstantialYouth9106 − NTA! HECK NO! Do not meet her at the park tomorrow.

If she wants to meet you then it can be at your lawyer's office with your representative present and a conversation recorded.

If the child is yours after an immediate paternity test, make sure your name is on the certificate

and that you file for equal custody and have an equal say in all decisions of the child’s life.

I would even ask to communicate via a parenting app. Save all forms of communication from her via text and email so you have a paper trail.

No phone calls. I am very sorry that you had to go through this and your experience becoming a father, if the child is yours, was ruined.

You realize your worth and you do not want to be with a partner like this. Please protect yourself.

I hope you have cameras around your property, a ring camera by the door, and that you claim she abandoned your space.

Your parents need to be on your side and follow your lead.

The relationship is not healthy anymore and now that a child is involved you should be putting the child first and not raising it in a potentially toxic environment.

Stradivesuvius − DONT MEET HER. Sorry for shouting but you are putting yourself at massive risk with a private meeting.

Agree only to meet her at a lawyers office, with the lawyer and a paralegal present to observe and take notes.

No_Bear_3201 − do not meet with her alone. go through lawyers, film it all.

If she can get you to make an outburst, she can make up claims you were abusive and she fled out of fear.

You'd be surprised the lengths people go to. she has shown you her worst.

get a therapist and deal with her through a third party only, protect yourself and then get custody of your son.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Tell her you will meet up in the park once the paternity test is done and you get the results.

Until then you have nothing to talk to her about. Once you know baby is yours then you can meet up and discuss divorce, child maintenance and visitation.

I don’t trust her, she’s only popped up now you are no longer financing her and neither is her mother.

These commenters believed her behavior points to serious psychological issues needing urgent evaluation

madworld3232 − 11 days ago I witnessed the personality of a 26 yr old shatter. I took her to a hospital for a psych evaluation.

She was involuntary committed. It took less than one year to get to her breaking point.

My daughter is devastated her friend is so sick. I've never seen anything like it in my life.

I can't imagine seeing her everyday while her personality changed. She is a danger to herself and others and apparently has been dangerous for months.

The point is only a professional trained in psychological illnesses can diagnose and treat complex and long lasting issues such as this.

Your pain is absolutely valid and needs to be acknowledged.

You too should consider therapy to deal with what has happened to you in the last year.

Everyone recommending you meet her in public is a good idea if that's what you want to do.

Personally I think speaking to an attorney as a first step to map out what you should do is the best idea.

I would tell them what you went through and what the marriage was like before she changed so drastically.

Ask about the possibility she has a mental illness and what to do if that's what's happened.

If she's mentally ill it's critical she be evaluated, she could be dangerous to the infant, herself, you and everyone else.

If she refuses an eval there's a huge possibility she's conning you and you'll quickly find out.

Tell them you want a paternity test, if it's your baby you need to establish your rights immediately.

Bonding is so critical for fathers too! No matter what you discover you have every right to divorce regardless of what everyone else says.

You have suffered through permanent damage and might want to consider therapy.

I'm incredibly sad for all of you. I hope you heal from this pain. I hope you find peace in your life and one day you're happy again. Definitely not...

seidinove − NTA. Someone mentioned peripausal psychosis. She needs to talk to a doctor.

But sheesh, if I found out that my baby was born on Facebook, I’d be absolutely flattened.

ncya − To a some point I was like, can be normal, I heard from a few moms that said they hated their husband throughout pregnancy,

but that changed to love immediately after giving birth. But the more i read, the more i feel bad for you.

No_Tough3666 − I don’t mean to scare you but it doesn’t sound hormonal to me at all. It sounds psychotic.

I had a neighbor that when she had her baby was so out of it she didn’t recognize her husband and didn’t know she had had a baby.

She was extremely permissive of his behavior. He ate constantly and was very overweight. Sweet kid.

Anyway she ended up being bi-polar. He was afraid of her and slept with a bat next to his bed.

Anyway year before last she came in his room in a rage and stabbed him 15 times.

He didn’t survive his wounds but was alive long enough to tell the police his mother had done it. He was 11 years old.

I don’t know where your parents are at on all this but I think I would try to get custody of the baby and demand a complete psych eval. Her...

These commenters emphasized that physical or emotional abuse is never excusable

DetailFabulous5501 − After the moment you said she slapped you SEVERAL TIMES I knew she was TA. You are gonna get into a stressfull and hard process, good luck.

Extra-Direction7227 − NTA abuse is abuse postpartum or not.

scotswaehey − Man by the way you describe it, her reactions to you were like she was having someone else’s baby.

DNA test first and foremost before you do anything else!

StrikingBag1569 − She went to the other guy, thinking he was the dad. Then after birth did a dna test and he was not the dad. Now she wants him...

These commenters expressed sympathy, saying the way OP learned about his child was deeply wrong

nick_shannon − Finding out your child was born over a facebook post is unforgivable IMO. NTA

Petentro − I'll be honest. By the title I thought yeah you're probably the a__hole. After reading it. ... nta she's f__king nuts.

Sounds like she cheated and the grass wasn't actually greener on the other side so she wants to come back.

Out of curiosity you just let her be a stay at home wife before you had a kid? Is that normal or common?

Can a relationship survive after this level of betrayal, or is this just a case of irreparable damage? Do you think the OP’s ultimatum was fair given the lifelong stakes, or did they overplay their hand? How would you juggle being a sibling’s keeper in this mess? Share your hot takes below!

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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