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Couple Pays Nanny Double On Anniversary Trip, She Calls Them Heartless Anyway

by Annie Nguyen
December 14, 2025
in Social Issues

Planning a romantic getaway after becoming new parents sounds like a well-deserved break. Between sleepless nights, constant responsibilities, and the pressure of adjusting to life with a newborn, many couples struggle to find time to reconnect with each other.

That was exactly the situation this couple found themselves in. To make their anniversary trip possible, they invited their nanny to join them and help care for their baby, with clear expectations and extra pay.

At first, everything seemed to go smoothly. But on the final night of the trip, an unexpected request turned a carefully planned vacation into a tense situation.

What followed left both parents questioning whether they crossed a line or if they were simply holding someone to an agreement. Now, they are asking the internet to decide if they handled things fairly or if they were truly in the wrong.

A couple’s anniversary trip turns tense when their nanny asks for a night off abroad

Couple Pays Nanny Double On Anniversary Trip, She Calls Them Heartless Anyway
Not the actual photo

'AITA for not letting our nanny leave for a date during our vacation?'

My wife and I had our first child last year and it's been quite an intense few months.

My wife has been on an extended 'maternity leave' but on top of that we've also hired a nanny/maid to assist us with the baby as well as keep the...

She stays in our guest house. To celebrate our anniversary I planned for us to take a trip by ourselves just to reconnect and give her some proper time away...

She was excited about leaving but was slightly concerned about leaving our son behind (her mother was going to come down and babysit with the nanny).

Trying to ease things I asked the nanny if she'd be willing to come along with us on our trip and take care of the baby - stressing

that this was supposed to be our couple vacation so most of the childcare will be hers and more than usual.

She jumped at the idea and so I also arrange her ticket and accomodation (to be clear she was also paid extra for the 'overtime').

The trip was a week long and our arrangement was going quite well at first.

My wife was relaxed, we reconnected and our son was close by for whenever we missed him.

We would take our son and give her a break either in the mornings or afternoons.

On our last day she asked if we could take the night shift as she'd met someone who'd asked her on a date.

Besides that going against our arrangement (the point was to give us a break from the sleepless nights),

I'd already paid and planned an intimate date on the beach with my wife for our last night.

It became a bit of an issue with her trying to guilt my wife and saying we were being unfair but by the end of it, we didn't give in...

Upon returning my wife heard her on the phone saying that she was thinking of quiting over all of this and that we were blocking her future so here we...

Wife thinks we made a mistake, I don't disagree that it might've been assholish but ultimately it was our arrangement and she was paid extra for it. Are we the...

Edit: the post has been up for 12 hours at the time of writing this and this is the first time checking in since the first hour due to life

but I just wanted to clarify some things I've seen come up.

1) She got paid double her usual daily rate. Since she has consistent our daily we just refer to it as daily rate where she 'works' 8 hours.

So we paid her for 16 hours of work daily.

2) Our expectations were very clearly expressed to her and she agreed that it wouldn't be a problem.

Depending on our plans, some times we took mornings and sometimes we took afternoons but on any given day it was one of the two.

This was also preplanned since our trip had an itinerary.

Each of these breaks averaged about 5 hours and that excludes the spontaneous breaks whenever we missed him and prepared him for bed.

Also this assumption that my wife and I can't and don't take care of our child is silly. The nanny is there only to assist whenever my wife needs to...

My wife takes care of most of the childcare and I step in when I get back from work. Most of her maids work is housework.

My wife is staying in home because of her traumatic birth which had complications she's still recovering from.

She fully plans on returning to work when she's fit and our child is old enough.

There are moments in life when a simple boundary feels like a battleground. Most people have experienced the tension between what they want and what they owe, especially when exhaustion and responsibility stack up.

After having their first child and enduring months of intense caregiving and recovery, this couple finally planned an anniversary trip meant to recharge their relationship. Yet even a well-intentioned plan can unsettle emotions when expectations and personal desires collide.

At its core, this story highlights an emotional clash between structure and spontaneity. The parents deeply wanted rest, reconnection, and relief from sleepless nights. They made a clear agreement with their nanny about extra pay, defined shifts, and planned breaks so they could focus on their relationship while their child remained nearby and safe.

From their perspective, the vacation was a thoughtful balance of fairness and necessity. For the nanny, meeting someone special on the last night of the trip may have represented a rare opportunity she didn’t expect to conflict with work duties.

Even though she agreed to the terms, that moment carried personal meaning that wasn’t fully acknowledged in the arrangement, turning a logistical issue into emotional tension.

It can be helpful to understand this through the lens of psychological boundaries. Setting and maintaining boundaries means recognizing what one needs and what one values, then expressing those limits clearly with others. According to Psychology Today, boundaries are essential for emotional well-being and help protect personal energy and mental health

When stress or disappointment arises, people can interpret boundaries as rejection, not just rules, even when those lines were defined respectfully.

Similarly, stress and burnout research shows that prolonged emotional pressure, such as caring for an infant and managing household responsibilities, can intensify reactions to even small conflicts because energy reserves are already low. These dynamics help explain why the nanny felt hurt and why the parents stayed firm.

Understanding these emotional forces doesn’t necessarily assign blame. The nanny’s sense of missed opportunity likely collided with her own stress and desires, while the parents’ protective stance came from vulnerability and exhaustion.

Both sides were operating under pressure and susceptible to perceiving the situation differently. This is precisely why communication about emotional expectations, not just logistical ones, matters in sensitive arrangements.

Ultimately, readers might find it useful to reflect on how important it is to discuss not only what the plan is, but also how it might feel for everyone involved.

Encouraging open follow-up conversations after the fact, clarifying emotional priorities, and even agreeing on contingency options for unexpected personal requests can help prevent similar conflicts in the future.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These commenters questioned unclear hours, pay structure, and possible labor law violations

thirdtryisthecharm − INFO. YTA It's a week-long vacation. What day(s) does she get off?

Or how are you compensating her for working 7 days a week? You are parents 24/7. She is only a nanny for the hours you pay for.

You needed to specifically negotiate what hours you are paying for here in advance, not just expect her to be available, and I'm unclear if that happened.

Bn0503 − Info - how long we're the breaks you were giving her? Are there not laws in your country about how many hours in a row can be worked...

Because if you were giving her like an hour break and she was basically working a 160 hour week that's totally unreasonable in my opinion.

Someone else has commented saying it's like a work trip on work trips you don't usually work nearly 24 hours a day the entire time.

[Reddit User] − Entitled wealthy person is shocked to find the hired help has the temerity to want some time off to have a bit of fun. YTA, a massive...

This group agreed the nanny was treated like a servant, not a respected employee

MerelyWhelmed1 − You worked her 7 days with a few hours off here and there. That's a servant, not an employee. YTA. She would be smart to find a better...

ColdForm7729 − YTA both for expecting your nanny to be a "maid" also and for making her work every day without a single off day during your vacation. No wonder...

DrTeethPhD − YTA. You do know you can't OWN her, right?

These users mocked the parents’ exhaustion claims and criticized their entitlement

iamltr − yta i mean have a baby - "oh we are so tired, so lets drag the nanny with us on a vacation and work her 24 hours a...

" and also, lets listen in on her phone calls. for people who couldnt leave the baby behind, you did not spend much time with the babe. there was no...

SigSauerPower320 − YTA This is HILARIOUS. The first few months have been "intense"?  Dude.  You've had a child. WITH A NANNY.

for " A FEW MONTHS"! How intense could it possibly be of you've had someone LIVING IN YOUR HOME to help you 24/7? News flash: People deserve time off from...

You expecting her to take care of the child "with a break" during the day for 7 straight days is b__lshit.

All she asked for was ONE NIGHT! ONE NIGHT for you to BE A PARENT TO YOUR CHILD!

The fact that you were willing to leave your baby for a week after only being a part time parent for a few months is. Very telling

orchiddream22 − Your wife isn't working, your baby is a few months old now, and you have a nanny to take care of the baby and the house.

Why exactly is your situation so "intense" that you guys needed a full week off?

That alone is out of touch. Then to expect care for your child around the clock 24/7 for that week from one person?

You guys can't even do that on your own and YOU'RE THE PARENTS. This is insane. YTA.

They focused on sleep deprivation and asked when the nanny was supposed to rest

Fit_Squirrel_4604 − So you made her stay up all night with your kid and gave her a few hours off in the morning or afternoon? When was she sleeping?

This group stressed that nannies deserve real time off, even during vacation

[Reddit User] − Yta. Don't care how much extra you paid. You told her more childcare. A few hours off a day is not more childcare. That's abuse.

She had a right to ask for a night off. Nanny or not to expect someone to pretty much take over 24/7 when they are not the parent is insane.

She is a nanny and has no kids.You needed a break even with a nanny, but yet expected her to handle it all. So it was your vacation.

You invited her to watch your child but gave her no chance to do anything. So you paid her accommodation and ticket.

Well, you should have as it was you paying her a job. That's not an extra. That's common sense.

To be upset she wanted one night to enjoy after a week of not getting to decide when she could take a break if she needed one and

then only a few hours which means not getting to leave or sightsee or anything because who knew when you woukd decide

when she was back on duty is insane. Let me put it this way. Unless you explicitly told her. You have a few hours off a say.

That she didn't get to decide what time she had off. That she wouldn't get a day or even afternoon or evening off.

Unless you told her that. Unless the extra you paid her for was hourly, then that's abusing the contract for any childcare.

Thats taking advantage of someone who sounds young, not understanding and able to grasp what you meant and how hard it would be.

That's you showing as the person paying her for that not only are you not understanding but not saying in no uncertain terms what is expected. Of course, she wants...

You have proven that you can't be trusted to make sure as the one in charge that she is fully informed yo be fully able to make a decision

so why woukd she think it wouldn't happen again.

[Reddit User] − YTA depending on where you live this trip could have been violating labor law. You shouldn’t have brought along the baby and nanny in the first place...

Did you clarify expectations with her that she would be working 20+ hours per day for 7 days straight? She’s your employee not your servant.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Everyone saying NTA has no idea how nannying actually works.

Nannies are typically always allocated personal time off on vacations. OP treating their nanny like a servant not a human.

These commenters reacted with humor and disbelief at the couple’s wealth and choices

cooperla − I just came here to say that we are not in the same tax bracket.

FearlessTurnip6291 − Now I gotta see what's on r/nanny

This story left readers sharply divided between contract logic and human emotion. On paper, the Redditor laid out clear expectations, paid double, and planned the trip around that agreement.

But emotionally, the last-night refusal struck some as cold, especially when the nanny felt trapped and unheard in a foreign place. Supporters argue a date doesn’t override a paid commitment, while critics say treating childcare like a switch ignores burnout and boundaries.

So what matters more here: sticking to the deal or allowing flexibility when real life intrudes? Was this fair enforcement or a misstep that cost trust? Drop your verdict below.

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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