Cultural expectations and family pressures can sometimes lead to decisions that feel right at the time but later spark complex emotions. A man and his wife, who struggled with infertility, chose to keep the biological identity of their youngest son a secret from their families.
After adopting two children, they didn’t want the youngest to be treated differently by their relatives, so they fabricated a story about his adoption.
Now, with their son grown, the father’s disappointment in not having a biological grandchild still lingers, and his cousin believes it’s time to reveal the truth. Was it wrong to keep the secret for all these years, or was it justified given their family’s expectations? Keep reading to see how others are reacting to this emotionally charged situation.
A father wonders if he’s wrong for hiding that his youngest son is biologically theirs
Keeping secrets to protect loved ones can sometimes create distance instead of safety. In this case, the OP and his wife made the decision to hide the biological origin of their youngest son from extended family out of fear that their adopted children would be treated differently.
That choice came from love and concern, wanting all their children to be valued equally. But years later, continuing that secrecy raises deeper issues about trust, identity, and connection. What once may have felt like protection now carries emotional weight.
Psychologically, family secrets can shape feelings, relationships, and trust in powerful ways. Research on family secrets shows that withholding important personal information often involves emotional effort and internal conflict, the secret keeper must constantly guard it, which can affect well-being and family interactions.
Secrets that center on taboo or identity‑related topics (like biological origins) can especially influence how people relate to one another if they remain undisclosed.
A key piece from Psychology Today explains that family secrets are not simply personal choices, they influence family dynamics in ways that can either bring people closer or introduce anxiety and suspicion.
Secrets that are kept to protect others from pain can also create a sense of “us versus them” within family relationships, causing emotional distance when the truth eventually comes out.
Another expert discussion highlights that family secrets related to identity, taboo topics, or social stigma are “rooted in shame, fear of judgment, or an attempt to uphold a family image.”
These kinds of secrets are often maintained to avoid conflict or preserve social standing, but they can also create long‑term tension and internal pressure for those involved.
In adoption and identity psychology, there’s also the concept known as genealogical bewilderment, where uncertainty or lack of knowledge about one’s biological origins can influence a person’s sense of self, especially if that information is kept hidden for a long time.
While in this situation the youngest does know the truth, long‑held family secrecy around origins can affect how others understand family connections and roles.
At the same time, there are reasons why families choose secrecy, especially where stigma or prejudice is expected. In some contexts, parents may believe that concealment is the best way to protect their children emotionally, even though experts note that secrets can carry a psychological burden over time.
The OP’s choice was rooted in protection and fear of unfair treatment for his children. But now that his children are adults, continuing to hide this part of family history may have emotional costs for everyone involved.
Rather than judging the decision in isolation, it might help to reflect on how honesty, empathy, and open communication could rebuild trust and shift the family narrative toward inclusivity and understanding.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
These users agreed that the OP made the right decision to hide the pregnancy
This group emphasized the potential harm of revealing the truth to the father, fearing it would lead to unfair treatment, especially in areas like inheritance
These commenters supported the OP’s decision, with some suggesting the father would never truly accept the idea of a non-biological grandchild
This group of commenters shared their own perspectives, acknowledging the difficulties of handling family dynamics
This user highlighted the generational divide in the family and commended the OP for challenging the notion that blood matters more than love
So, was the father wrong for keeping the biological origins of his youngest child a secret? While it’s clear he made this decision to protect his children from a potential lifetime of unequal treatment, the question of when and how to reveal the truth is a tricky one.
It’s evident that his actions came from a place of love and protection, but there may come a time when honesty will be the best way forward.
What do you think? Should the father have kept the secret, or is it time for him to open up about his son’s biological roots? Share your thoughts below!
