The holidays have a way of reopening old wounds, especially when family members suddenly want to reconnect after cutting you off without warning.
One woman took to Reddit after her sister-in-law casually assumed they would all spend Christmas together, despite the fact that she and her husband had been ghosted by his brother and wife for over a year.
Now that the couple has three kids and wants to “rebuild the relationship,” the original poster isn’t feeling festive, she’s feeling wary. And Reddit had plenty to say about whether she’s being cold… or simply realistic.
Here’s The Original Post:
What Happened: From Silence to Sudden Holiday Plans
The issue began when the sister-in-law texted, asking what day the couple planned to go to the husband’s father’s house for Christmas, so they could meet them there. Not if they wanted to celebrate together. Just when.
That assumption hit a nerve.
About a year earlier, the brother-in-law and his wife abruptly went no contact. No argument. No explanation. Just silence. The original poster and her husband tried repeatedly to reach out, confused and hurt, but received nothing in return.
Eventually, the brother reached out with an explanation that left them stunned. He admitted he had been offended because the OP sounded surprised that he had a Pinterest account and didn’t like her “tone.”
His wife also took issue with OP answering repeated baby-related questions (the day after her wedding) by explaining she wanted to wait until her mother could visit on a visa to help during postpartum.
While OP understood the sensitivity, her sister-in-law’s mother had passed away, what hurt most was the year-long ghosting instead of an honest conversation.
When Reconciliation Comes With Baggage
During that year of silence, the situation worsened. The brother and sister-in-law reportedly convinced the mother-in-law to cut OP off as well, while speaking badly about her to extended family.
At the same time, OP’s own family was struggling, making the rejection hit even harder.
Now, with two more children added to the family, the couple wants to reconnect. There have been playdates and polite interactions—but when it comes to the holidays, OP wants distance.
She replied honestly, saying they weren’t planning to go to their dad’s house when they were and wanted to keep the holidays casual and not overwhelming. She also admitted the assumption caught her off guard and wanted to be transparent.
That honesty led her to wonder: Was she overreacting—or finally setting boundaries?
Why This Situation Is More Common Than You Think
Family estrangement is far from rare. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that approximately 27% of adults in the U.S. are estranged from at least one family member at some point in their lives.
Holidays often act as flashpoints for attempted reconnection because they carry emotional weight and social expectations.
Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman, who specializes in family estrangement, explains that reconnecting during high-pressure moments like holidays can backfire. “Reconciliation works best when expectations are low and boundaries are respected,” he notes.
In other words, Christmas may be the worst possible time to test fragile family dynamics.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Many suspected ulterior motives—free babysitting, help managing three young kids, or access to gifts and family support.
Others pointed out that people who ghost over minor grievances are likely to do it again.
Several commenters criticized the sister-in-law’s approach, saying that assuming holiday plans instead of asking showed a lack of accountability.
Others advised OP to let her husband handle communication with his family to avoid further drama.
The Debate: Should She Support Her Husband More?
Not everyone agreed completely. A minority argued that since this is her husband’s brother, she should follow his lead if he wants to rebuild the relationship. Family bonds, they argued, can be messy but meaningful.
This raises a valid question: where does spousal support end and self-protection begin?
Relationship counselors often suggest a middle ground. According to The Gottman Institute, couples should operate as a team but also respect individual emotional limits. Supporting your partner does not mean subjecting yourself to people who have repeatedly hurt you.
Low-stakes interaction – short visits, neutral locations, or post-holiday meetups – can offer compromise without emotional overload.
The Bigger Lesson: Boundaries Aren’t Punishment
This story isn’t about holding grudges. It’s about acknowledging emotional consequences.
Being ghosted for a year, blamed for someone else’s sensitivities, and isolated from extended family leaves scars. Reconnection requires humility, accountability, and patience – not assumptions.
Choosing not to spend holidays together doesn’t mean reconciliation is impossible. It simply means the relationship needs rebuilding slowly, on equal footing, and without pressure.
As one commenter put it: “Peaceful holidays are not selfish – they’re necessary.”
Final Thought
Is OP cold for declining Christmas together or is she wise for protecting herself from another round of hurt?
The internet seems clear: forgiveness doesn’t require immediate access, and family doesn’t get unlimited chances without changed behavior.
Sometimes the healthiest holiday plan is the one that keeps your stress low and your boundaries intact.
