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Mother Tries To Be There For Both Daughters, Ends Up Losing One After Missing The Birth

by Annie Nguyen
January 6, 2026
in Social Issues

Family conflicts don’t always come from bad intentions. Sometimes they grow out of timing, pressure, and impossible expectations placed on the same person all at once. When emotions are high, even a well-meant decision can feel like betrayal to the people involved.

This Reddit post comes from a mother of two daughters who believed she had planned everything carefully. One daughter was getting married, while the other was preparing to welcome her first child. The plan was simple until nothing went according to schedule.

A sudden early labor forced the mom to choose where to be, knowing that whichever direction she went, someone would feel abandoned. What she saw as a compromise ended up reopening old wounds and creating new ones.

As weeks pass with no resolution, she turns to the internet to ask whether she truly failed her daughter or if the situation was doomed from the start.

One mother found herself torn between her daughter’s wedding day and another daughter’s unexpected early labor

Mother Tries To Be There For Both Daughters, Ends Up Losing One After Missing The Birth
not the actual photo

'AITA for missing my grandchild's birth to attend my other daughter's wedding?'

I am the mother to two wonderful daughters; Sophia, 32 and Nichole 26 and I'm really not sure if I was cruel toward Sophia for my decision or not.

Nichole got married this year and Sophia had her first child which is my first grandchild.

I've had a good relationship with both my daughters and I've always tried to make sure neither of them felt like I favored the other

but I admit there were some rough patches with Sophia.  When Nichole got engaged she asked if I would walk her down the aisle since

her father has never been in her life. I asked her what about her uncles or brother and she said no, she wanted me.

I was more than happy to agree and helped her plan her wedding. My daughter Sophia announced her pregnancy around the beginning of the year.

The timing panned out that she would be due after Nichole's wedding so she asked if I would be in the delivery room with her

and stay with her and her husband for a few weeks after the baby was born to help out. I was very excited too,

and since we already live in the same town and see each other almost daily, staying with her wouldn't have been a problem at all.

Instead, Sophia went into labor almost 3 weeks early; the afternoon before Nichole's wedding.

I missed Sophia's first call because I was already almost 2.5 hours away

where Nichole lives and helping set things up and doing last minutes errands to help.

When I called her back I found out she was in labor and she wanted me to get there as soon as possible.

I told Sophia I would do the best I could and would let her know immediately when I'd be there.

I explained the situation to Nichole, who understandably also wanted me to be there for her but understood

that Sophia wanted me with her too.  Nichole was able to move her ceremony to the morning and make it a quick 25ish minute

ceremony and  there would just be a few hours gap between the ceremony and reception.

I thought this was a good compromise that would let me be there for both of my girls.

I called Sophia and she wanted me to get there that night. I asked if her husband was with her and she said yes,

so I asked her to please consider him as a second choice until I could get there. Sophia got upset and told me to forget about it.

I got to the hospital early the next afternoon and missed the birth by a couple of hours.

Sophia was so mad she didn't want me to come in when she was moved to a room.

I thought that was understandable and she would talk to me soon but it's been a couple of weeks now and I have tried to apologize to her.

I've talked to my son-in-law and he said they're both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party.

So I am here asking an outsider's perspective if I was wrong to not go to the hospital right away. AITA?

Edit: I did not stay for Nichole's reception. I left immediately following the ceremony, she still had to wait a few hours

from the end of her wedding ceremony in the morning until her reception that afternoon.

It could not be pushed back later in the day due to the reception venue having an event in the evening.

At some point in life, most people face a moment where being in two places at once feels emotionally impossible. These moments hurt not because of bad intentions, but because someone ends up feeling unseen when they are at their most vulnerable. When that happens inside a family, the emotional damage often lasts longer than the event itself.

In this situation, the mother was not choosing between a wedding and a birth in a simple, practical sense. She was navigating two very different emotional roles at the same time. One daughter asked her to step into a symbolic position at a wedding, filling a gap left by an absent parent.

The other was preparing for childbirth, an experience that strips people down emotionally and physically. When labor started early, the mother relied on logic and compromise, believing that adjusting schedules could honor both daughters.

For Sophia, however, labor was not a negotiable moment. It was a time of fear, uncertainty, and a deep need for emotional safety. Missing that moment was experienced not as a delay, but as abandonment.

What makes this conflict more complicated is how people assign meaning to presence. The mother saw her actions as practical and fair, while Sophia interpreted them emotionally.

From Sophia’s perspective, asking her to rely on her husband instead did not feel like reassurance. It felt like being replaced. This reaction does not necessarily come from entitlement but from the intensity of childbirth itself, which heightens emotional sensitivity and magnifies perceived rejection.

According to Verywell Mind, emotional support during labor plays a critical psychological role. The site explains that childbirth is not only a medical event but also a highly stressful emotional experience, where the presence of a trusted support figure helps reduce anxiety and feelings of isolation.

When expectations around that support are unmet, the emotional impact can be far stronger than the circumstances might suggest.

This helps explain why Sophia’s anger persisted even after apologies. Her reaction is less about the wedding itself and more about how unsupported she felt at a moment when emotional reassurance mattered most.

For the mother, the confusion stems from the gap between intent and impact. She never meant to prioritize one daughter over the other, but emotional needs do not always respond to logic or fairness.

Moving forward, healing may depend on acknowledging that emotional pain does not require justification to be real. Repair may come not from explaining decisions, but from validating the emotional experience behind them, and accepting that sometimes, presence carries more weight than intention.

Here are the comments of Reddit users:

These commenters argued that a wedding isn’t “just a party” and supported OP’s choice

newbeginingshey − NTA and I’m really surprised by the responses here. A wedding is not just a party.

It’s a once in a lifetime event and almost by definition has parents there to celebrate (unless there’s an exceptionally strained relationship).

Childbirth is a medical procedure that usually only has 1-2 support people and in many families happens 2-3 or more times.

It’s nice, but not common or even expected, to have grandma there. And it’s not like you planned to attend one over the other.

The baby came 3 weeks early. Your other daughter rescheduled her wedding (!) in hopes of you making both work out.

How anyone could assume you intended to prioritize one kid over another or that people weren’t accommodating

enough considering what was done here just baffles my mind.

KarmaWillGetYa − NTA I've talked to my son-in-law and he said they're both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party.

It wasn't a "party". It was her sister's WEDDING where YOU her mother were walking her down the aisle.

It sounds like she was wanting your complete attention to the detriment and disappointment of her sister

and potential of ruining the wedding. I'm wondering if this has been a pattern between the two

and they have often fought for your individuated attention? I could see it being more of an issue if

she was having serious life threatening complications and//or if her husband couldn't be there but she was not alone.

But you made a compromise as best able to help both your daughters at important parts of their lives.

[Reddit User] − You didn't go to a party-you walked your daughter down the aisle for her wedding. You are NTA.

I hope for your sake that Sophia grows up enough to realize a few things-especially the fact that

she is acting poorly and could damage her relationship with you.

AcceptableZebra9 − NTA You did a heroic job trying to compromise to be there for both girls, and it's a tough choice.

However, in terms of what it meant for you to be there, I feel like walking Nicole down the aisle is more meaningful

than standing in the background during the birth. I mean, you weren't going to cut the cord, and in any event, Sophia had her husband with her,

so she wasn't alone. Not sure what else is going on, but Sophia is overreacting, and I'd just give her space.

Maybe email/voicemail/text whatever is your usual to say "I wish I could have been there for both of you, and I'm sorry I missed the birth.

I hope you're well, and the baby is well, and I can't wait to see you when you're ready. "

This group agreed it was an impossible situation and OP did her best to support both

norismomma − You are NTA. This was an impossible situation and you did your best.

CakeZealousideal1820 − NTA not even a little bit. Her husband was with her

Mundane-Solution5657 − NTA. Most first time moms don't have babies early. You had no way of knowing the two events would overlap.

Your daughter literally moved her wedding to an earlier time so you could get back to her sister as soon as possible.

I think you did your best to try to accommodate both kids.

kityderry- − If you did not go to the reception you are NTA, your daughter and her husband are being unreasonable as you

and your other daughter literally moved a wedding to get to Sophia sooner. This seems like an odd response to such accommodations.

Sorry for the cold shoulder you are getting. They are the AH's

These Redditors felt Sophia was selfish since she wasn’t alone and had her husband

Clichessea_18 − NTA. Sophia is pretty selfish honestly. They were both once in a lifetime experiences for both daughters.

sosweet68 − NTA One daughter needed you to walk her down the aisle, the other had her husband with her, not like she had zero support without you.

She AND her husband are selfish and unreasonable, period. Jesus christ

E1431 − NTA - younger daughter already did not have sister or dad st wedding - how terrible if mum missed it too.

Older daughter was with husband - generally, the people who were involved in making the baby are the important ones at the birth.

Meemaws_BearCheese − NTA It was an impossible situation, but Sophia wasn't alone.

She had her husband with her, and honestly, it's a bit confusing why he was her #2 at all when he's qualified to be her

#1. So it's not some sort of downgrade that he was the one there for her. It's not like she had some distant cousin with her

or a random friend who drove her. Meanwhile, who would have been able to step in for Nichole if you left? There was no suitable

#2 waiting in the wings there. So I think you made the right call, where both of your daughters were supported when they needed to be.

However, if there's a past history of Sophia feeling like you favored Nichole over her (which it sounds like based upon your post),

this could have rubbed salt in that wound at a very vulnerable time for Sophia.

And I don't know how legitimate Sophia's feelings are with regards to that.

If you really did favor Nichole or worse parentify Sophia during childhood, this may have opened an old wound to the extent

where Sophia feels she needs to step away in order to heal. Keep in mind that Sophia has been through a lot with her child coming 3 weeks early,

is dealing with a massive life transition, and tons and tons of hormones she's not used to raging through her body.

It may be she just needs space or time to get to a better space.

People who have just been through a traumatic birth experience and welcomed a child early are often not in the best headspace for some time.

This commenter took a NAH stance, acknowledging labor stress and postpartum emotions

Graves_Digger − NAH. You did your best to be at both things, but you're only 1 person. Nichole was incredibly generous to move her ceremony.

Sophia is going through a lot right now. Labor is terrifying and she is a ball of hormones right now.

I would be devastated if my mom wasn't there for my labor and birth after planning on her being (though I probably wouldn'tbe mad at my mom).

Try and cut her a little slack while she's trying to heal from childbirth and adjust to new motherhood. I'm sure it'll all work out.

This user suggested long-term sibling dynamics and reliance on mom worsened conflict

the_orig_princess − NTA Idk, maybe it’s just because my own family experiences, but:

1. Your older child had a (seemingly) planned pregnancy that overlapped with the (seemingly) already-planned younger daughters wedding.

Of course, no one is obligated to not try just to attend a wedding, but it seems awfully intentional of older daughter.

AKA: she couldn’t have sat out one month?

2. Your younger daughter went above and beyond to try to accommodate the birth. And it didn’t matter anyway because logistically the die had been cast.

I don’t think her rearranging her whole day for her sister should have happened nor should it have been encouraged to happen.

I’d reassess whether there’s a squeaky wheel situation going on here.

3. Older daughter wasn’t left alone, she had her husband.

Further, you were more than generous to agree to living there for three weeks post-birth. My husband and I are going through the planning stages,

and we are definitely the only ones in the room and definitely only having our parents visit for chunks of time, not come caregive for us.

Families differ, this is my experience talking, but it’s our child and my husband and I are a team and responsible for this.

We are privileged to have sufficient mat/pat leave and are going to “cocoon” as they say. I won’t call you an AH for feeling so torn and

feeling the need to go to your older daughter. But if it was me:

1. I would tell you to go to the wedding and just come after

2. I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant during the wedding timeframe in the first place

3. I wouldn’t rely so heavily on my mom in the first place Edit: thanks for the reward.

To those who are pearl-clutching over skipping one month of trying for pregnancy—not saying she needed to.

I 100% would have both so I could go to my own sisters wedding and if it was so important to have my mom at my side.

Birth can’t be planned but anyone who’s done the research will you to expect to drop a baby between 38-41 weeks.

Once it was absurdly clear the two events had a potential to overlap, I do think it was on older sister to come up with plan B, not younger sister.

As I said, she wasn’t alone, she had her husband. Her sister deserved to have her wedding be about her not her sister. I do think she’s squeaky wheeling this.

Edit again: again, for those shocked at the idea of planning a pregnancy, this woman made it 32 years before having a child.

I ask you, how does that happen? Oh, right, she uh planned it. People plan their pregnancies around a lot of things work, vacations,

Covid, buying a home, age. It’s literally one f__king month lol

This commenter questioned Sophia’s expectations and asked for more context

Comprehensive-Fun47 − Info: Why did she want you in the room and not her husband? Or am I misunderstanding? Did she want you both in the room?

Many readers sympathized with the mother, calling the situation unwinnable. Others felt childbirth emotions understandably magnified the hurt. What stood out most was how timing, not intent, became the villain of the story.

Was the mother right to honor a wedding commitment while still rushing back? Or should birth always outweigh ceremony, no matter the context?

How would you navigate loving two children when life demands a choice? Share your thoughts below; this family dilemma struck a nerve.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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