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Girlfriend Pushes Boyfriend to Scuba Dive Again After He Panics Underwater

by Charles Butler
January 25, 2026
in Social Issues

Adventure holidays are supposed to be the highlight of a relationship. We picture ourselves swimming with exotic fish, hiking beautiful trails, and making memories that last forever. But sometimes, pushing our limits can lead to moments of genuine fear.

A Reddit user recently shared a story about a scuba diving trip that didn’t go quite as planned. While she took to the water like a mermaid, her boyfriend found himself overwhelmed with anxiety. What started as a gentle nudge to “try again” turned into a bigger disagreement about safety, fear, and knowing when to quit.

This story raises important questions about how we support our partners. It asks us where the line is between encouraging someone to be brave and respecting their boundaries. Let’s dive into the details of this underwater drama.

The Story

Girlfriend Pushes Boyfriend to Scuba Dive Again After He Panics Underwater
Not the actual photo

AITA for asking my boyfriend to scuba dive again after he almost had a panic attack?

Hi everyone, the boyfriend is a bit angry with me at the minute and its got me wondering if I was in the wrong?

My boyfriend Josh (22M) and I (22F) booked ourselves in to do a scuba course in Tanzania. We started it a few days ago.

It involves going through scuba theory where we were tested and we passed and the instructors brought us to the beach to give it a go today.

I really enjoyed it. My boyfriend less so. We're both strong swimmers which is why we decided to try it.

However, once my boyfriend got under the water, he started to panic. He immediately surfaced and said he felt like a panic attack

was coming on and wanted to leave. He wanted to get out of the gear and sit on the beach to wait for us

but I gently persuaded him to give it another go because I know he would regret it later if he didn't at least

try and waste all the money he spent. He did give it another go but struggled and sat on the beach so the rest

of us went back out and had a great time. I joined him after and explained how much fun it was and that

we saw some fish. He was really happy for me so I asked him again if he wants to give it another go

and he just shut me down. He said that me asking before made him feel like he couldn't say no and like he

didn't give it a proper go. I argued that he didn't, he didn't even make it out into deeper water to put the

things we learned to use. He maintains that he didn't want to have a panic attack in the deeper water and put us in

danger and its not my place to say whether he tried properly or not because he thinks he did. Was I an a__hole?

I asked out of a good place because he looked so excited with the fish. I also don't think me asking him to

try again was a big deal because he's done this with other similar adventure activities we've tried and always laments he regrets not fully

committing to the activity. ETA - Seen comments about me seeing him have a panic attack under the water and that it was an AH move to ask him to...

He never had a panic attack. He came up before he actually had one that's why I gently asked before he decided to sit out

Oh, this is a tricky one. I can completely understand the excitement of seeing beautiful fish and wanting your favorite person to experience it with you. It comes from a place of love and enthusiasm. You just want them to have that same magical moment.

However, water sports are serious business. Panic attacks are frightening enough on dry land, but underwater, they change everything. It sounds like the boyfriend was trying to listen to his body to keep everyone safe. It is hard when disappointed expectations clash with physical fear, but safety always has to win.

Expert Opinion

Scuba diving is a unique activity because it requires us to override our natural instinct to hold our breath underwater. For some, this triggers a primal fear response. According to the Divers Alert Network, panic is one of the leading causes of diving accidents. When we panic, our breathing becomes rapid and shallow, which is dangerous when relying on a regulator.

Psychologically, a “near panic attack” is a massive warning sign from the nervous system. It is the body saying, “I am not safe here.” Pushing through that feeling without professional guidance can often make the fear worse.

Dr. David Carbonell, a clinical psychologist who specializes in fears and phobias, explains that the “fight or flight” response is powerful. “When a person feels trapped, the urge to flee becomes overwhelming,” he notes. In the ocean, fleeing means shooting to the surface, which carries its own medical risks like decompression sickness.

Validating a partner’s fear is usually more helpful than challenging it in the moment. By accepting his “no,” the OP could have helped him feel safe again. Trust is built when we respect each other’s limits, especially when physical safety is on the line.

Community Opinions

The Reddit community felt very strongly that safety should always come before “trying hard.”

Commenters emphasized that a panic attack in the ocean is a life-threatening situation.

[Reddit User] − YTA. It doesn't matter what other activities he regrets not fully committing to, we're talking about water... People DROWN during a panic attack.

Capable_Fig3903 − YTA ​ Be glad that he stopped. He was responsible and right to stop. A panic attack while diving can k__l easily him, and and enanger you with...

Old-Fox-3027 − YTA. Do you understand that panic attacks cause physical symptoms that a person has no control over? Having a panic attack underwater can be deadly.

Experienced divers and instructors explained that calling a dive is always acceptable and responsible.

SeasDiver − YTA - I am a DiveMaster of 29 years, a scuba diver of 33 years. ANYONE can call the dive for ANY REASON!...

You NEVER force a person beyond their comfort zone unless you wish to create problems that can result in injury or death.

Users pointed out that panic attacks are biological reactions, not just a lack of effort.

Constellation-88 − YTA... So tired of people thinking that people 'just aren't trying hard enough" when they're literally PANICKING.

Panic attacks are no joke. They can literally incapacitate you.

onlyrightangles − Info: Is this your very first time dealing with someone having a panic attack?... Panic attacks are not logical or reasonable.

People felt the OP was being too pushy and dismissive of his genuine feelings.

MasterKilvin − YTA, not for asking him to scuba dive again, but for later trying to argue that he "didn't try hard enough". He's right, it's not your place to...

InterestingHusk − It's not about the asking, it's about you ignoring his physical and obvious distress, deciding his future emotions for him and literally not taking no for an answer....

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

If your partner experiences a panic attack or extreme fear, the most loving thing you can do is pause. Remove the pressure immediately. Instead of focusing on the activity, focus on their breathing and comfort.

Use phrases like, “I am proud of you for trying,” or “It is okay to stop.” This helps lower their cortisol levels. Later, when everyone is calm and safe, you can talk about it gently.

Avoid using words like “regret” or “waste.” These words can add guilt to the anxiety. Remember that a shared experience is only good if both people are feeling safe and heard.

Conclusion

This story serves as a reminder that our bodies often know our limits better than our minds do. While the girlfriend wanted to share a beautiful experience, the boyfriend made a tough call to keep himself safe.

Do you think the girlfriend was just trying to be encouraging, or did she cross a line? How do you handle it when your partner is too afraid to try something you love? Let us know your thoughts.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 1/2 votes | 50%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/2 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 1/2 votes | 50%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/2 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/2 votes | 0%

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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